freeeeedooooommmm!!!
i havent felt so alive in so long, and i havent truly seen it until the past few months. i havent been on this thing in forever either. i looked over my old entries and cant help but think how i functioned like that. i mean, it wasnt the worst in the world but it was mentally debilitating looking back on it. i've done more things with my life since august than i ever have. except for nursing school, which pretty much consumes my entire being. but im not tied down, and not crying the majority of the week. i could never go back to the way i was...just the thought makes me panic.
it sucks still thought because school has picked up tenfold since last year, so i see NO ONE during the week unless im in class or clinical. i come home on weekends because the potheads below smoke weed fri-sunday until my brain cells are dead. i still spend the overwhelming majority of me weekends doing school stuff and freaking out, but my lurvely boyfriend is here too. i havent cried once over him, when i already had a few times in the past. damn, i was naive then. but we're taking it very slooowwww and it seems comfortably normal. affection and caring is growing extremely gradually but thats good because i cant stomach being hurt again right now. i dont feel anything but happy with him. i dont feel manipulated, and i know he's very honest and loyal or whatever...i guess people can just sense that sort, because i feel completely at ease and dont freak out over anything at all. maybe because he's not actively on sex personals sites and calls me when he says he will. its interesting because he calls me everynight just to see how i'm doing. when in the past i was so completely obnoxious with calls because i was threatened.
and if im sick, its not 'well if you can have sex, you're well enough to see me' or gets mad if i dont suck his dick. its rather refreshing. i find im very happy.
it sucks still thought because school has picked up tenfold since last year, so i see NO ONE during the week unless im in class or clinical. i come home on weekends because the potheads below smoke weed fri-sunday until my brain cells are dead. i still spend the overwhelming majority of me weekends doing school stuff and freaking out, but my lurvely boyfriend is here too. i havent cried once over him, when i already had a few times in the past. damn, i was naive then. but we're taking it very slooowwww and it seems comfortably normal. affection and caring is growing extremely gradually but thats good because i cant stomach being hurt again right now. i dont feel anything but happy with him. i dont feel manipulated, and i know he's very honest and loyal or whatever...i guess people can just sense that sort, because i feel completely at ease and dont freak out over anything at all. maybe because he's not actively on sex personals sites and calls me when he says he will. its interesting because he calls me everynight just to see how i'm doing. when in the past i was so completely obnoxious with calls because i was threatened.
and if im sick, its not 'well if you can have sex, you're well enough to see me' or gets mad if i dont suck his dick. its rather refreshing. i find im very happy.