don't be decieved. worst person ever.
don't be deceived, above is the worst person ever. he doesn't deserve anyone. he doesn't deserve his friends, he doesn't deserve her.
the worst thing ever. what do i believe the worst thing you can do to someone you love? cheating on them. that's what i believe the worst thing ever is. i've always said that and i'll always say that. the thing is i'm the biggest fucking hypocrite ever. what's my advice to someone who gets cheated on? break up with that person. not only is holly my girlfriend but she is my best friend. what advice would i give to her as her best friend. 'break up with him, he's not good enough for you.' i'm not. as her boyfriend and someone who loves her more than she could ever know, i am hoping she doesn't. that is the reason i could never tell her. i had to think of what i would feel like if i never got to see her again. i can't even imagine how i would feel, but that's just me selfish. even now worrying about how i would feel if i didn't get to see her again. when really i know how bad i've hurt her, i do know how she is feeling right now. i just wish i could do something to take away all that pain from her. i'm sitting here just hoping she decides to forgive me, then i have to ask myself the question 'if she forgives me, can i ever forgive myself' and i've come to an answer with that. NO! how am i going to be able to look her or anyone in the eye after this. i have to ask myself, how did i do it before she knew? the answer: i lied to myself. i could do it because i lied to myself too, but now, she knows, everyone knows, how can i lie to myself if she knows. i can't. again me being selfish. worrying about what i'm going to do or how i'm going to do this. great. not only am i a liar, a cheater but it turns out i'm extremely selfish. which is basically where all this comes from i guess. me being selfish. me worrying about what she's going to do if she finds out. i don't know why anyone would want to be with me anyway. all i want is to be with her though. when i'm not with her, it's all i can think of. i never cry, but i'm sitting at this computer balling because of what a terrible person i am. i am a fucking bitch. i was to fucking afraid to tell her anything. how can i expect her to forgive me if i can't forgive anyone. i can't forgive my mom. it doesn't really matter she's not going to forgive me, i wouldn't forgive me. god, that sounds like the worst idea ever. i'm sorry holly. i'm sorry everyone. when you want to talk to me, i could be there in an hour. in the meantime i'm going to go running, with scissors, i might wait until it starts raining though.