(no subject)
oh fuck this.
i have no reason to sue this thing any longer.
and the display name is just way too far fetched for me now.
as of last night.
i dont want to write anymore discouraging entries in any of my journals or myspace or whatever.
i hate that i did allready write some bulletins,
it makes me so angry that i was so upset i actually went ahead and made it public.
i mean, it's all pretty embarassing when i think about it.
and it hurts so bad.
i'm sure the entire universe is aware of how much i'm hurting right now.
and i feel so stupid for being so hurt.
considering i wasm't even his girlfriend.
i wasn't anything but a fling, i suppose.
and it didn't even last that long.
it was short and sweet.
and i'm stupid and fell.
i guess i have the mentality of a fifteen year old.
and i hate that also.
i mean i am fifteen, but i've always liked to think i was at least a few years more mature than my age.
well i guess i've proven myself wrong this time.
i've made choices that i regret making
and if i had a time machine, i would use the hell out of that thing.
not to get him back.
but to stop myself from what happened that night with TJ.
if it hadn't happened, well it would have happened with mike,
so not only would i stop what happened between tj and i, but i wouldnt get involved with Michael.
he ruined so much for me.
i hate that the way i lost it wasn't even special what so ever, and i'm not proud of it.
and i feel like a whore now, thinking back on the event,
i guess i did do it to make them like me.
which is the worst thing a girl would possibly do.
and i didn't even learn from that.
not saying that what happened between tim and i was for that reason.
i wasn't doing anything to make him like me.
i did it because i honestly did have amazingly large amounts of feelings for the guy.
i really did,
and obviously still do.
well given that the same thing basically happened between Joey and I that has happened here,
i'm going to have to say i know i will never get over this.
Tim didn't have my whole heart..
allthough he did have most of it.
I'm still not over what Joey did to me.
and i know two years from now, i wont be over whats happened with Tim and I.
i hate this.
this is why i don't make decisions.
from this point on.
i will not make any.
other than to abstain from any activity with the opposite, or same sex.
i wont.
todays televison programming sucks, terribly.
"you're going to have to spend the rest of your life knowing you turned your back on love"
wtf are they trying to do to me?
i have no reason to sue this thing any longer.
and the display name is just way too far fetched for me now.
as of last night.
i dont want to write anymore discouraging entries in any of my journals or myspace or whatever.
i hate that i did allready write some bulletins,
it makes me so angry that i was so upset i actually went ahead and made it public.
i mean, it's all pretty embarassing when i think about it.
and it hurts so bad.
i'm sure the entire universe is aware of how much i'm hurting right now.
and i feel so stupid for being so hurt.
considering i wasm't even his girlfriend.
i wasn't anything but a fling, i suppose.
and it didn't even last that long.
it was short and sweet.
and i'm stupid and fell.
i guess i have the mentality of a fifteen year old.
and i hate that also.
i mean i am fifteen, but i've always liked to think i was at least a few years more mature than my age.
well i guess i've proven myself wrong this time.
i've made choices that i regret making
and if i had a time machine, i would use the hell out of that thing.
not to get him back.
but to stop myself from what happened that night with TJ.
if it hadn't happened, well it would have happened with mike,
so not only would i stop what happened between tj and i, but i wouldnt get involved with Michael.
he ruined so much for me.
i hate that the way i lost it wasn't even special what so ever, and i'm not proud of it.
and i feel like a whore now, thinking back on the event,
i guess i did do it to make them like me.
which is the worst thing a girl would possibly do.
and i didn't even learn from that.
not saying that what happened between tim and i was for that reason.
i wasn't doing anything to make him like me.
i did it because i honestly did have amazingly large amounts of feelings for the guy.
i really did,
and obviously still do.
well given that the same thing basically happened between Joey and I that has happened here,
i'm going to have to say i know i will never get over this.
Tim didn't have my whole heart..
allthough he did have most of it.
I'm still not over what Joey did to me.
and i know two years from now, i wont be over whats happened with Tim and I.
i hate this.
this is why i don't make decisions.
from this point on.
i will not make any.
other than to abstain from any activity with the opposite, or same sex.
i wont.
todays televison programming sucks, terribly.
"you're going to have to spend the rest of your life knowing you turned your back on love"
wtf are they trying to do to me?