no, im not ok
i have not updated in a while, i guess i havent known what to write.
my life is pretty much just a mess right now, i lost all custody of christian.
i never recieved notice of the pre-trial hearing that I had been more than preparing for and as a result the judge ruled in favor of cristin awarding her sole legal and sole physical custody with NO visitation for me.
i have not seen him in almost two weeks and it is slowly destroying me from the inside out. I am keeping myself together for the most part but its tough. I will be back in court soon with my new attourney but this has really screwed me and set my case back a ton. One of the deciding factors besides not being at the date was my refusal to meet with the guardian ad leitem, little do they know the evidence have supporting her inability to make any kind of worthy judgement is damning and her testimony would probably have been thrown out of court, but hey, thats just another obstacle im going to have to overcome.
Right now I just want to lay in this bed with my son, the little boy i have held as he fell asleep countless nights over the past three years, the child I have always been there for and would never have been out drunk and using drugs or pawned off on people to sleep days away and lie about going to work so I could do god knows what. Be it working to support him or leaving work to spend entire days with him I have always been a devoted parent and, in my heart, still am. I just have to keep myself together over the next month and make something happen with this sexist useless court system we are all forced to rely on. So right now I guess I am just going to act like I havent been destroyed and had my heart literally ripped out of my chest, or my arms, or my life. This is definitely the worst thing I could have ever imagined happening to me, ever. Right now the only thing I am glad for having amazing friends and, although new, a supportive relationship that I can see is going to do infinite measures of good in my life. I guess thats what I hace to focus on right now to keep me sane, and alive..well that and getting my ass back into court to get fucked some more and waste a few thousand more dollars.
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All i want for christmas is my son, and if i cant have him then there will be no christmas.
my life is pretty much just a mess right now, i lost all custody of christian.
i never recieved notice of the pre-trial hearing that I had been more than preparing for and as a result the judge ruled in favor of cristin awarding her sole legal and sole physical custody with NO visitation for me.
i have not seen him in almost two weeks and it is slowly destroying me from the inside out. I am keeping myself together for the most part but its tough. I will be back in court soon with my new attourney but this has really screwed me and set my case back a ton. One of the deciding factors besides not being at the date was my refusal to meet with the guardian ad leitem, little do they know the evidence have supporting her inability to make any kind of worthy judgement is damning and her testimony would probably have been thrown out of court, but hey, thats just another obstacle im going to have to overcome.
Right now I just want to lay in this bed with my son, the little boy i have held as he fell asleep countless nights over the past three years, the child I have always been there for and would never have been out drunk and using drugs or pawned off on people to sleep days away and lie about going to work so I could do god knows what. Be it working to support him or leaving work to spend entire days with him I have always been a devoted parent and, in my heart, still am. I just have to keep myself together over the next month and make something happen with this sexist useless court system we are all forced to rely on. So right now I guess I am just going to act like I havent been destroyed and had my heart literally ripped out of my chest, or my arms, or my life. This is definitely the worst thing I could have ever imagined happening to me, ever. Right now the only thing I am glad for having amazing friends and, although new, a supportive relationship that I can see is going to do infinite measures of good in my life. I guess thats what I hace to focus on right now to keep me sane, and alive..well that and getting my ass back into court to get fucked some more and waste a few thousand more dollars.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
All i want for christmas is my son, and if i cant have him then there will be no christmas.