Post-Company
Well, Company is over....and now i'm going to have a lot more free time!!! I might be getting a job at a music store though, which is great :)
Anyways. Sometimes I feel used for who I am, weather that is someone taking advantage of my friendship, my drunken honesty, or my personality...I just feel as if I get used sometimes. I just wish everyone was honest and up front with what they mean, instead of beating around the bush.
Then there are the "joy suckers" - we all know who these people are. These are the ones who come and suck the joy out of whatever is happening at the time, by a comment, a look, or how they treat you. Sometimes this happens to me from some of my closest friends, and I really don't appreciate it because I am always trying to make people happy.
This is a very somber entry, and I appologize, but sometimes I would just like to be happy. I think that is what it really boils down to. Don't get me wrong, I love my life...but sometimes I just feel like that extra boost of happiness would come if everyone around me/who is a part of my life were happy too. I am happiest when I make others happy. I think that is why I love to perform so much. Just to hear how much an audience loves what I am doing, or if I can make one persons day brighter, I feel better for it.
Oy.
Plus, I think I have become "the friend" again in my life. You know...that girl that the guy never wants to date because they don't want to "ruin the friendship" which is really just code for "i'm not interested." I don't know if i'm right about this, but usually my instincts don't lead me astray. I'm not saying there is anyone particular that this pretains to, but I do get this vibe from more than one person in my life recently. We'll see I guess. If it's meant to be...it will happen.
<3Em