stupid relationship post
I guess... it's just one of those days.
i'm starting to feel like chris wants less and less time together. it's always such a big fight for plans and he always moves around my plans or acts like certain plans are teh worst thing in the world. it makes me feel horrible. when he says those things that really negate something i like or enjoy, that hurts too. but it obviously doesnt matter. because i brought this to his attention in a calm manner just telling him that it does not make me feel at all good. it just makes me feel inadequate. for example : i show him a supra on ebay motors - nothing touched on it. a "virgin" you might call it. a pure classic. what does chris say? "hey, that's cool." or "hey thats nice" ? NO ... he says "you'll blow the tranny. oh but if you bought something like that, dont worry, i'll fix it up." news flash buddy ... i dont need you for every little thing in my life, why cant you just say it's nice? is that so fucking hard. i think im at teh end. earlier this week, monday i think, he flat out lied to me. it was nothing serious, but he was dishonest. that isn't like him, or so i thought. but i do catch him in so many stories, but i dont say anything because i don't want to spoil his dreams. but it makes me wonder "... what else has he been dishonest about?" i hate the decisions he makes. he chooses to flat out break really big rules regardless if the consequences are for him and i to not hang out for only god knows for how long. oh my god! why would you speed with your "baby" (thats me, not a literal baby...helllll no! to that)in the car? why risk losing her like that? have you put our lives in danger? no. but, why risk it? why risk killing me, or worse.... getting in an accident and killing another family and leaving me as a paraplegic for the rest of my life? by the way is what happened recently, merri's mom (a nurse who works in the trauma unit) was dealing with them or something. stupid kids who have to race down a road... and KILL a mother and leave her son in a coma... it's just so fucking SAD. to know that my boyfriend wants to be a street racer...
i saw the the fast and the furious and that was bad ass. but, memphis/bartlett is just NOT the place to be doing this. LA freeways are nearly empty late at night, most people are at home or in teh clubs. For whatever reason people are driving 24/7 around here. And it's just too dangerous. plus there's no cash involved. it's soooo irritating that chris thinks that just because a person is pulling off in front of him from a stoplight that he's racing that person. because, kid, you're not. kay?
what is it with boyfriends? "talk to me" you say "tell me whats going on" you say. well, buddy, i try. you know what you do... "im gonna go now. kay?" and hang up. im not even going to try to keep you on the phone anymore because i give up. you just don't get it. you say I dont get it. well, i think it's the other way around. whenever i start talking about something bothering me i either "get in trouble" with complaining or some shit. and one thing i am happy about (snowflake) you get annoyed with me talking about it. so i guess, i'm in a catch-22 here. tell me what you want me to do. i don't understand why you want me to be one way, but when i try to do that, you want me to do something else. If you want me to talk to you, you need to listen. i might get frustrated and have a "tone" but you need to just bear with me and let me speak with out you interrupting me without you hanging up on me...
i would be talking about this with you now, but you're too busy. so hopefully, you'll read this so you see what i've been trying to talk to you about.
THE END.
i'm starting to feel like chris wants less and less time together. it's always such a big fight for plans and he always moves around my plans or acts like certain plans are teh worst thing in the world. it makes me feel horrible. when he says those things that really negate something i like or enjoy, that hurts too. but it obviously doesnt matter. because i brought this to his attention in a calm manner just telling him that it does not make me feel at all good. it just makes me feel inadequate. for example : i show him a supra on ebay motors - nothing touched on it. a "virgin" you might call it. a pure classic. what does chris say? "hey, that's cool." or "hey thats nice" ? NO ... he says "you'll blow the tranny. oh but if you bought something like that, dont worry, i'll fix it up." news flash buddy ... i dont need you for every little thing in my life, why cant you just say it's nice? is that so fucking hard. i think im at teh end. earlier this week, monday i think, he flat out lied to me. it was nothing serious, but he was dishonest. that isn't like him, or so i thought. but i do catch him in so many stories, but i dont say anything because i don't want to spoil his dreams. but it makes me wonder "... what else has he been dishonest about?" i hate the decisions he makes. he chooses to flat out break really big rules regardless if the consequences are for him and i to not hang out for only god knows for how long. oh my god! why would you speed with your "baby" (thats me, not a literal baby...helllll no! to that)in the car? why risk losing her like that? have you put our lives in danger? no. but, why risk it? why risk killing me, or worse.... getting in an accident and killing another family and leaving me as a paraplegic for the rest of my life? by the way is what happened recently, merri's mom (a nurse who works in the trauma unit) was dealing with them or something. stupid kids who have to race down a road... and KILL a mother and leave her son in a coma... it's just so fucking SAD. to know that my boyfriend wants to be a street racer...
i saw the the fast and the furious and that was bad ass. but, memphis/bartlett is just NOT the place to be doing this. LA freeways are nearly empty late at night, most people are at home or in teh clubs. For whatever reason people are driving 24/7 around here. And it's just too dangerous. plus there's no cash involved. it's soooo irritating that chris thinks that just because a person is pulling off in front of him from a stoplight that he's racing that person. because, kid, you're not. kay?
what is it with boyfriends? "talk to me" you say "tell me whats going on" you say. well, buddy, i try. you know what you do... "im gonna go now. kay?" and hang up. im not even going to try to keep you on the phone anymore because i give up. you just don't get it. you say I dont get it. well, i think it's the other way around. whenever i start talking about something bothering me i either "get in trouble" with complaining or some shit. and one thing i am happy about (snowflake) you get annoyed with me talking about it. so i guess, i'm in a catch-22 here. tell me what you want me to do. i don't understand why you want me to be one way, but when i try to do that, you want me to do something else. If you want me to talk to you, you need to listen. i might get frustrated and have a "tone" but you need to just bear with me and let me speak with out you interrupting me without you hanging up on me...
i would be talking about this with you now, but you're too busy. so hopefully, you'll read this so you see what i've been trying to talk to you about.
THE END.