CM fic: Building a Home (Part 5/8)
Title: Building a Home (Part 5/8)
Rating: T
Pairings: Reid/Hotch (established relationship)
Characters (entire story): Reid, Hotch, Jack, Jessica, Garcia, Morgan, Prentiss, Rossi, and JJ
Characters (this part): Hotch, Reid, Jack, and Jessica
Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine. Neither is the Nintendo Wii, Spongebob Squarepants, Uno, or Sorry!
Word Count: 3,740
Summary (entire story): Aaron and Jack move in with Spencer when renovations drive them out of their new house. Will it be a disaster…or a beginning?
Summary (this chapter): Aaron’s going out of town overnight. The question and consequences of who will watch Jack while he’s gone turns out to be a little more complicated than he anticipated.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
“Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error, change - this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress.” - Bruce Barton
“So Jack will be staying with me tomorrow night?” asked Jessica, sounding a little distracted. Aaron could hear faint clicking in the background and knew she was tying a reminder into her PDA. “Do you need me to pick him up from the baby-sitter’s too?”
“Yes,” confirmed Aaron. He looked up at the sound of a polite tap on his office door. “Hold on a second, Jess. Yes?”
The door opened and Spencer’s head poked through. Aaron nodded a silent hello and signaled for him to come in before turning back to his phone call. “Thanks for doing this,” he told Jessica. “I’m sorry to be springing it on you last minute.”
“Don’t worry about it, Aaron - it’s no problem,” Jessica assured him, just like she done many, many times before. “He’s my nephew and you’re my family. Just do what you have to do and I’ll see you when you get back.”
“All right,” he said as he smiled at Spencer, who took a seat in front of his desk. “I’ll see you then. Thanks again.”
“Bye.” Aaron was pretty sure his former sister-in-law was shaking her head with that long-suffering but serene way of hers as they hung up. She’d told him countless times that he didn’t need to keep thanking her, but he wanted to make sure she always knew how grateful he was for everything she did for him and Jack.
Spencer was giving him a curious, if confused, squint. “You wanted to see me?” he reminded Aaron, casting a meaningful glance at the cell phone that was now sitting on the desk. “Does this have anything to do with why Strauss stopped by here earlier?”
Aaron nodded wearily. “Gus Fitzgerald, aka the Sandman of Pleasant Ridge, has agreed to take part in the ViCAP survey,” he explained, sounding vaguely disgusted. “As he’s scheduled to be executed at the end of the week, Strauss wants me and Dave to head up to Trenton tomorrow morning.”
“Oh,” said Spencer with sympathetic understanding.
Knowing he didn’t need to explain further, Aaron simply nodded. Spencer knew better than anyone how ambivalent he was about administering the ViCAP survey. The purely professional side of him knew the information gathered from it helped both in research and in solving future cases. Yet at the same time he hated - hated - the whole process because it gave the criminals they put away what so many of them craved: attention, the chance to relieve their crimes with relish to a repulsed but captive audience. Aaron couldn’t help feeling somehow that the victims and justice in general lost every time one of those monsters smirked at an involuntary glint of fury or disgust in his eyes.
“How long will you be gone?” Spencer wanted to know.
“I’ll be back the next day,” stated Aaron firmly. “Fitzgerald’s knows he’s running out of time. Most likely he’ll want to make sure the full extent of his legacy” - he all but spat out the word - “is on record more than he’ll want to play mind games. Either way, he’s only getting one afternoon from me.”
“So just one night,” said Spencer.
Aaron nodded, then told him: “I let Jessica know she’ll need to watch Jack” at the same time Spencer said, “I’m sure Jack and I will be okay until you get back.”
The two of them stared at each other, Aaron surprised and Spencer mortified. “Oh,” said the younger man again, only this time there was a great deal of hurt in his voice. “I…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have presumed...”
“Spencer,” protested Aaron as he fumbled for the right words. “I didn’t mean -”
“Don’t worry about it, Hotch - I understand,” Spencer cut him off, giving an obviously fake breezy laugh that made Aaron’s heart twist just as much as the uncertainty and embarrassment that was all over his face. “I should get back to work. Thank you for letting me know what’s going on.”
He jumped to his feet and was out the door before Aaron could stop him.
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Thank God for Mrs. Crandell’s, the baby-sitter, Wii. Jack was too busy chattering away about what could only be described as an epic tournament between him and his friend Stephen to notice the subtle tension between his father and Spencer all the way back to the apartment. Spencer silently brooded, going over all the progress he thought he’d made with Jack and wondering what his lover found lacking there, while Aaron stewed over the mess he’d inadvertently created. He knew he needed to apologize to Spencer, but he also needed to figure out what was going to happen the next day with Jack before he even tried broaching the topic with him again.
It wasn’t as if Aaron thought it was a bad idea for Spencer to watch Jack overnight. After all, he’d watched him alone before - a few hours in the park every Saturday, an hour or two here and there when Aaron needed to make a quick trip to the house or the store - and each time his lover and son grew a little more comfortable around each other. They seemed to be at a point where he could leave them alone together for a 24-hour period. But Aaron hadn’t even thought to ask Spencer; besides not wanting to impose more that he already had over the last six weeks, he’d thought that Spencer might like having his apartment to himself again for a night.
‘Maybe I’ll just call Jessica and tell her never mind,’ thought Aaron, watching out of the corner of his eye as Jack’s sword-fighting reenactment got Spencer to crack a small smile.
But that didn’t feel like the right thing to do either. Asking her at the last minute was bad enough; but cancelling on even shorter notice, after she’d probably already cancelled any plans she might have had, felt particularly callous. Besides, as much as Aaron appreciated everything she’d done for him since Haley’s death, he knew she wasn’t doing it just to make his life easier: she also did it because she loved Jack and because he was a living link to the sister she’d lost. He never wanted to think he was trying to push her out of Jack’s life now that things were getting more serious between him and his boyfriend.
“I’m starving!” announced Jack as soon as the three of them trudged through the front door. “What’s for dinner tonight?”
Aaron ruffled his hair fondly. “How does barbecue chicken with rice and beans sound?”
“Yeah!”
Spencer smiled at the little boy’s enthusiasm. “I’ll heat up the oven and put on some water,” he offered to Aaron quietly.
“Thanks,” said Aaron, more heartfelt than the situation called for, as he internally winced. When they weren’t at work, he’d choose the snappish, sarcastic, confrontational Spencer over this brave, stoic front any time; it meant Spencer felt secure enough to share his negative emotions with Aaron, while an emotional wall usually indicated Spencer thought he’d somehow messed up, disappointed his lover.
“Can we play Uno after we eat?” asked Jack.
“Not right after,” Aaron told him kindly. He sat down on his knees so he could look Jack in the eye. “I have to go out of town tomorrow morning, so we’re going to need to get all packed tonight.”
Jack’s face fell. “You have to go away on a case?”
“No, we already caught this bad guy,” Aaron reassured him. “Daddy just has to make him talk. I’ll be back in plenty of time to pick you up from Mrs. Crandell’s house the very next day.”
“You’re leaving, but not…” Jack cast a heartbroken look at Spencer, who was trying too hard to pretend everything was okay to notice. “And I have to leave too?” he asked.
He hadn’t sounded that timid since the day they’d moved in with Spencer. Suddenly it was crystal clear to Aaron what the right choice was. “Of course not,” he said as if it was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard. “You just need to help Daddy pack. Spencer already told me you two would be just fine until I got back.”
“Really?” asked Jack, the light coming back to his face.
“Really,” spoke up Spencer suddenly. The Hotchner men turned to see him standing behind them beaming, like this was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for him. “I mean, if that’s okay with you,” he added, speaking as much to Aaron as he was to Jack.
Aaron nodded without hesitation, confident in his decision. Jack wanted to stay with Spencer and Spencer was more than willing to watch him. Sending him to Jessica’s, especially now, would only tell Spencer Aaron didn’t trust him with his son while simultaneously telling Jack that Spencer didn’t want him around unless his daddy was going to be there too. Not only would that be patently unfair to both of them, it would also most certainly damage the bond they’d been slowly but steadfastly building for over a month. Jessica might be a little upset, but right now it was more important for him to reinforce Jack and Spencer’s growing relationship than it was to protect her potentially aggrieved feelings.
“It is!” Jack practically jumped for joy.
“Then it’s settled,” declared Aaron. “I’ll just call Jessica and let her know what’s going on…so she knows she needs to call the number here instead of my cell when she calls tomorrow night.”
A worried look crept across Jack’s face. “Is Aunt Jessica going to be okay if I stay here instead of with her?”
Aaron blinked at his son, wondering just how Jack understood about all the reasons why his aunt took care of him when he was out of town. “She’s be fine, buddy,” he promised gently.
“We could invite her over for dinner if you like,” added Spencer, astonished by the words even as the came out of his mouth.
Jack excitedly threw his arms around Spencer legs. “Yes!” he cried as Spencer steadied himself from the unexpected blow. “Thanks, Spencer!”
‘Are you sure?’ mouthed Aaron.
Spencer nodded a bit too vigorously as he patted Jack on the back affectionately, if somewhat awkwardly. “It’ll be fun,” he declared more as a wish than a statement of fact.
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Jessica was happy that Aaron had found someone, she truly was. But that didn’t mean she was happy he’d decided to leave her nephew in the care of his teenage boyfriend.
Yes, it was bitchy and unfair to judge Spencer Reid on his youth, but it wasn’t like she knew a whole lot of other stuff about him. All Aaron had ever told her was that he was a part of his team. Jack, after months of barely talking about him at all, only told her about the stuff they did together: they went to the park; they played board games, watched TV, and read; Spencer taught him chess and all sorts of obscure little facts and he taught Spencer about all the characters on Spongebob Squarepants. Her own firsthand knowledge was limited to the two times she’d seen him: Haley’s funeral (a tall, skinny young man with long hair leaning heavily on a cane, with red eyes and tearstained cheeks as he offered his condolences); and a few weeks ago when he accompanied Aaron to pick up Jack from her place (waving politely from the front seat, his hair much shorter now).
Ironically, the deepest insights she had on Aaron’s boyfriend had come from Haley. One day years earlier, right after Jack had been born, her sister had met her for lunch and ended up telling her about taking the new baby to the BAU that morning. Everyone agreed Jack was adorable, she’d recalled, except for Dr. Reid, who’d said that was only true if one found wrinkles and baldness attractive. Jessica had been appalled, but not Haley: “I think most everyone in his life before now were too busy using him for that genius mind of his to treat him like a friend or even a fellow human being,” she’d said with sad understanding. “I wouldn’t be surprised if this was the first time anyone cared enough about him as a person to show him their new baby.”
The surprise dinner invitation/consolation for not being allowed to take care of Jack while his father was away now gave Jessica the opportunity to learn more. She was taking full advantage of it too, cataloguing everything from the moment she stepped into the apartment (worn but comfortable furniture; cluttered with books and some of Jack’s belongings but tidy enough; no art on the wall and only two framed pictures displayed anywhere in sight: one of Aaron’s team and one that was noticeably older showing a woman with a determined smile, her hand on the shoulder of a beaming little boy with horn-rimmed glasses). His cooking skills were rudimentary at best (spaghetti with sauce from a jar, frozen garlic toast, and salad from a bag) and his eating habits as atrocious as Jack’s (the two of them eating seven of the eight pieces of garlic toast between them and munching on the have-some-lettuce-with-your-croutons-and-dressing type of salad). He was also an exceedingly polite host (asking her about herself without getting too personal, refusing her offer to help clean up, suggesting they have coffee - hot chocolate for Jack - in the living room after dinner instead of hinting it was time for her to leave) and used a stunning amount of sugar in his coffee.
And, Jessica noted with an odd twinge in her chest, it was pretty clear he cared a great deal about Jack and her nephew was just as crazy about him. Jack was currently going on, in excruciating detail, about the trip he’d taken to Lake Champlain with her and her parents last summer and as far as she could tell Spencer was truly interested in hearing about all of it. “…and I even saw Champ, the lake monster!” he related with no little amount of enthusiasm. “He lifted his head out of the water and looked right at me!”
“You’re very lucky,” Spencer told him. “A lot of people in the scientific community would give anything to see what you saw.”
Jack cocked his head, looking a bit taken aback. “Really?” he asked. “But my friend Billy says scientists don’t think Champ’s real.”
“There’s no scientific proof that Champ is real,” corrected Spencer as he set aside his cup. “However, lack of proof of his existence isn’t the same thing as proving he doesn’t exist.”
“He said it was probably a seal or a log,” grumbled Jack.
“But he has no more proof of that than you have that it was Champ,” asserted Spencer, actually sounding a little outraged by Billy’s gall. “Even less so, really, since you actually saw it and he didn’t. Jack, there have been several times when a creature thought to be myth turned out to be real - the gorillas in Africa, for instance. A true scientist must allow for the possibility of something until it’s either been proven or disproven.”
Vindicated and grinning, Jack finished off his hot chocolate. “I want to play a game,” he announced. “Spencer, Aunt Jessica, will you play a game with me?”
“That sounds like a nice idea,” said Spencer. He turned to Jessica uncertainly. “Jessica?”
She glanced at the cable box (no other clocks in sight). “I’ve got time for a quick game,” she decided. “What should we play?”
“I’ll pick something out!” offered Jack happily.
He scurried off into the bedroom rather than the toy box in the corner of the living room or the closet serving as his room. Jessica sent Spencer a questioning glance. “We, uh, keep the board games under our - my - me and Aaron - our bed,” he explained awkwardly. He flexed his fingers anxiously and gave her the same sort of smile someone would give a friendly, chatty person who just happened to be speaking in a language he didn’t understand. “He’ll probably choose Sorry! He’s a master at that game. I haven’t won once when we play that, have you?”
The chest twinge was really starting to burn. “I’ve never played it with him,” she informed him tightly.
“Oh,” said Spencer faintly. She fought against the sudden, odd urge to glare at him - she really did - but judging by the panicked look on his face, she wasn’t winning. “I - uh - I -”
“It’s fine, Spencer” she said tersely.
“No - I mean, I know, but,” he stammered. He looked away from her toward the doorway Jack had disappeared through and his entire body language changed. He squared his shoulders, straightened his back, and looked right at her with the same determined look as the woman in the older picture. “I know I can’t take anyone’s place in Jack’s life.”
“I don’t think now is the time -”
But Spencer refused to be dissuaded. “I would never presume to try to take his mother’s place,” he said, lowering his voice to a whisper for the last three words. “And there’s no way I could take yours. I just want a place of my own in his life, and I don’t want you to think I’m - I don’t know - stepping on your toes or something.”
‘But you are!’ she was startled to find she wanted to yell at him. But she knew - knew - he hadn’t done anything wrong. “Jack likes you,” she noted stiffly. The twinge burned hotter still and Jessica guiltily admitted to herself that what she was feeling was an irrational, childish jealousy.
“He likes you too,” replied Spencer kindly, which only made her feel more like pond scum. “He was so happy when you said you’d come over tonight.”
“He’s my nephew,” she said softly. “He’s my sister’s baby.”
“I know,” said Spencer, his eyes full of sympathy but his expression somewhat lost, like he didn’t know what the right thing to say was. “You know, you don’t have to wait for an invitation before you come back - you’re always welcome to come by for dinner or just a visit.”
“I’ve got our game!” Jessica and Spencer both jumped a little as Jack came back into the living room with a long, thin box.
Spencer took the box from him and grimaced dramatically. “Sorry!” he whined playfully. “Are you trying to make me look bad in front of Aunt Jessica?”
Jessica’s mind swirled as she watched a laughing Jack and Spencer set up the game for them to play. She was happy Aaron had found someone. She was happy he found someone who obviously adored his son. She was happy Jack had another person in his life that was kind and attentive. And she was happy for the lanky young man who’d been so alone until he joined the FBI and who’d cried at her sister’s funeral, happy that he finally had people in his life who cared for him and happy that he had so much love and kindness to offer to father and son - and her.
Yet it scared her that Aaron might not need her help as much anymore. Even though logically she knew she’d still watch Jack when his father and Spencer were away on cases, she was afraid they’d drift apart, that she’d lose that living connection to Haley and Jack would forget his mother and that whole side of his family. She was also scared because Aaron having one more person to help out with Jack meant she had one less reason not to move on, go forward with her life without her best friend and sister in it.
But life was moving on whether she was ready for it to or not and she had to find the strength to move on with it. She decided to take the first step that night by letting go of her jealousy and playing a spirited game of Sorry! with her nephew and Spencer Reid.
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Spencer checked every lock in the apartment three times and on Jack four times before finally heading off to bed. He entertained the idea of spending the night on the couch so he’d be that much closer in case Jack needed him, but ultimately decided against it. If Aaron ever found out he would either tease him or worry that he wasn’t ready for the responsibility of watching Jack overnight yet, so he’d just have to make do with leaving the bedroom door wide open.
He settled into bed but couldn’t go to sleep. Something was…off. He listened for Jack or a suspicious noise but heard nothing. He got up, checked on Jack, checked the locks, walked through every room, opened every closet door, peeked in the shower, peered under the beds, and then checked on Jack again. Everything was as he’d left it five minutes earlier so off he went to bed again.
Sleep still wouldn’t come. Spencer rolled over restlessly and flung his arm out, shivering when it landed on a cool spot in the bed where Aaron usually was.
The relatively modest size of Spencer’s bed meant that two grown men couldn’t share it without touching even just a little. It had been hard for him to get used to at first, but over the preceding weeks he’d grown accustomed to the incredible body heat Aaron gave off that always made him feel warm, the feeling of safety that came with laying in his arms, the reassuring rhythm of his breathing, and the beating of his heart that could soothe the most traumatized of victims. How was he supposed to sleep without all of that - without him?
‘You’ve slept alone in hotel rooms since he’s moved in,’ he told himself. ‘Pretend you’re on a case now.’
But he couldn’t; he was too good at compartmentalizing to get into his work mentality when he was at home. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter and clutched at Aaron’s pillow, hoping it would somehow help, when his fingers brushed against something hidden underneath: Aaron’s pajamas.
Spencer pulled them out, buried his nose in the soft fabric, and inhaled. Pulled off his pajama top and replaced it with Aaron’s t-shirt. Laid back, finding comfort in Aaron’s scent and the fact that he’d worn that shirt as recently as that morning and would be wearing it again as soon as tomorrow night.
Only then did he finally fall asleep.
To be continued in PART 6