Death Takes a Holiday
Just a list of things I've been thinking about since the new episode last night that I need to get out of my head before family obligations take me away from internet access for the weekend. You are now officially warned for spoilers:
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I think Sam has EASILY forgiven Dean for what happened back in that room because 1. He wants Dean to forgive HIM and 2. I think he's been easily forgiving Dean his whole life.
Their role reversal has been EPIC this season in that Sam is constantly on egg shells, trying to make moves that he wouldn't normally make around Dean but that he has to continue to make in order to win this war. Sam wants revenge on Lilith because he still blames Lilith for taking his brother away, what it comes down to is that Sam should STOP blaming HER (thus being able to think clearly when wanting to go after her) and realize that DEAN made that choice to go to hell and NOT Lilith. No matter how badly he wants to blame Lilith, it's never going to be her fault. Dean made that deal (with good (selfish) but good intentions at the heart of it), of his own free will.
Sam is making dangerously bad choices, we know this, we all know this. On some level Sam knows it, but to him they're worth it. The ends justify the means, DEAN and DAD taught him that. It wasn't until he was on his own that he began to process what that meant. Yes, Sam lost Jessica, and he lost his parents too, but Sam never GAVE UP anything, never had to CHOOSE. He never had the opportunity to make choices like that growing up. He went to college and "gave up" his family, but I think that Sam knew that if he called, they'd come running. That's not truly a "Closed door." Sam was NEVER truly alone until after everyone was dead, so he had to start making choices on his own, are they bad? Probably, but he picked up on that message that had been ingrained in his head since infancy that the ENDS ALWAYS JUSTIFY THE MEANS. And without Dean there to stop him from using his powers? It was a free for all.
To have Dean back in his life now? Telling him that's not true? Telling him that the ends don't justify the means, telling him that he's wrong, bad, and demonic? That he isn't allowed to keep secrets, and also coming back wounded to the very core of his soul? Sam has not conceded power of the Winchester family. He hasn't, and I suspect, will not step down from his new spot as the family patriarch. Dean is weaker in his eyes, he has to continue to be stronger, it was Lilith that MADE Dean this way and thus MADE Sam this way. Sam isn't very good at accepting responsibility for his actions because no one ever made him do it before, so it makes sense that the "outside forces" are what ruined everything. Once they're gone, in Sam's mind, everything will be better. So he's driving forward full force, guns blazing, demon powers ahoy, doing whatever it takes to accomplish that goal. And dragging Dean along with him...Trying to be complacent to his brother, attempting to be sensitive to his issues (which really just comes off as patronizing), and at the same time still accomplish HIS end game. He reminds me of the parent who buys their kid an ice cream while calling the bank discreetly to see how overdrawn the bank account is.
And this Got SO LONG, and honestly? My original point was simply this:
Dean does owe Sam an apology for trying to kill him with an axe if he believes that Sam still owes him one for saying those awful things. For Dean "the siren made me do it" isn't a good enough excuse coming from Sam, but if Sam said "yeah well you tried to kill me with an axe" Dean sure as shit would say "The siren made me do it." Dean is VERY much the stubborn child in this equation. As he sees it his way and his way only.
Sorry I just rambled on....
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Sam's willingness to put up with the way Dean's been acting toward him all season does stem from the whole Dean-went-to-Hell-for-me. I think he blames Lilith in part because, as you said, she took his brother away; but I also think he's very angry at Dean for making the deal and shifting that anger to Lilith is a way for him to deal with that anger and the guilt he feels about being angry about it.
While I don't agree that Sam knew his family would come if he needed them while he was at Stanford and that he's not good at accepting responsibility for his actions, I do agree about John's influence in making him believe that the ends justify the means. His role model was a man who spent over two decades sacrificing his life, his children's futures, and alienating at least a few people all in the name of avenging the person he loved most - and Dean willingly went along with that. Why wouldn't Sam think Dean would be anything but completely on board for the Lilith hunt.
I think if Sam's efforts come off as patronizing it's because he really doesn't know how to approach Dean on something like this. Dean has always put on a strong face for Sam and has always been uncomfortable with Sam trying to be the strong one for him.
Sigh. These boys break my heart.
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I completely agree that Sam isn't intentionally patronizing his brother, I don't think either of them know how to relate to each other anymore. But I think that the role reversal is epic to watch.
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The role reversal is pretty epic. Hopefully this whole painful thing will lead to a place where they can both help each other and accept help from one another.
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