(no subject)
Im having a proper hating-my-body day. All i want to do is find an outfit that i can A) wear with my new black shoes and B) doesnt make me look overly dressed, or like a tramp. Ive been unsuccessful. If i wear a skirt, i either look like trailor-trash or an office assistant. If i wear jeans, i cant find a top that goes with it that doesnt either make me look pregnant, or, again, a tramp.
Tonight Matthew, i shall be....a tramp. Good old baggy jeans, trainers and tshirt it is then.
It doesnt help that ive just read a magazine that said "Coleen realised she had to make changes when her weight crept up to 9st7lbs". The same magazine hinted that Charlotte Church must be on her way to a breakdown because shes gained weight and must be comfort eating (she's still at least a stone lighter than i am, and her mothers in rehab can you blame her? - AND she still looks stunning).
Jesus christ, i must be obese. Seriously. Sometimes i think i have the opposite of that body dysmorphia condition, where i look in the mirror and think im thinner than i am - the scales cant lie can they, so if this girl has "piled on the pounds" and though "Shit! Im over 9stone! I MUST LOSE WEIGHT NOW BEFORE I TURN INTO A BIG BALL OF FAT WITH LITTLE ARMS AND LEGS STICKING OUT!" At 11-12.5 stone (it depends where the scales are in the house) I must be HUGE, positively repulsive, really. 12 Stone is overweight by most peoples standards, so why do people say im not overweight? Are my family and friends compulsive liars? Are the scales compulsive liars? Or are magazines and the media just SHIT? Im thinking the third option.
I think my main issue is that if the media didnt go on about it and other people didnt worry about their weight constantly, i wouldnt give a shit about mine...but with it thrown in my face all the time (FFS, the skinniest person in the staffroom at work eats lettuce leaves for lunch because shes on a diet. I feel sinful for having BREAD! NOOO, NOT A CARB!) I mean i dont really care about most of my body, im happy with my face, and my boobs, and my arms, not too fussed about my legs (although i honestly nearly cried when i couldnt find boots to fit my assumedly-immense calves), its just my tummy..i hate having a tummy that sticks out, all throughout my teens the one bit of my body i could rely on to stay flat was my tummy, but not any more, pfft. It makes every single top i have cling and make it look like it sticks out, cuz all my tops either seem to shrink upwards releaving lovely rolls of flesh or cling. And i point blank refuse to buy a size 16, because then i will have gone up 2 clothes sizes in little under a year - and i havent even changed my bloody diet. Its not like i eat more, ive always eaten like this, if anything i eat more salad/veg now. God help me when i move home and start eating yummy home-cooked food again, im going to be obese (well im not, you know, but according to magazines...)
I dont think ive been under 10 stone since i was, well, under 10! Somebody wrote into company magazine "praising them on their use of curvier models", erm, excuse me, but where? All i can see are hip bones and twiglet-legs. But obviously being a size 8 is more curvy than their previous size 6's. I still continue to read such rubbish magazines because theres alot of bits in them i like. I mean, read Nuts or Zoo or any other fairly down-to-earth mens mag, and there will be no twiglet-thin celebrity/model types in site. Theyre still slimmer than me, but theyre NICELY CURVY. Theyre not skinny, they're toned. Men LIKE curves. Men dont want women who obsess about every bit of food that passes their lips, and this is where i turn into a complete hypocrite because even though logic tells me not to care so much, i do, and i get upset when i feel fat and consider not eating this, that or the other. Its like an on-going bloody weight war in my head - morals Vs beauty.
And now i shall leave, and apologise for this rant that sounds a bit like an article in a magazine anyway lol Maybe i should become a reporter/journalist. I could have my own column called "Hayley Raves About..."
I feel better now anyway :) Ill probably see people in the pub tonight looking lovely and trampy (me, not you!) ;)
:P
Tonight Matthew, i shall be....a tramp. Good old baggy jeans, trainers and tshirt it is then.
It doesnt help that ive just read a magazine that said "Coleen realised she had to make changes when her weight crept up to 9st7lbs". The same magazine hinted that Charlotte Church must be on her way to a breakdown because shes gained weight and must be comfort eating (she's still at least a stone lighter than i am, and her mothers in rehab can you blame her? - AND she still looks stunning).
Jesus christ, i must be obese. Seriously. Sometimes i think i have the opposite of that body dysmorphia condition, where i look in the mirror and think im thinner than i am - the scales cant lie can they, so if this girl has "piled on the pounds" and though "Shit! Im over 9stone! I MUST LOSE WEIGHT NOW BEFORE I TURN INTO A BIG BALL OF FAT WITH LITTLE ARMS AND LEGS STICKING OUT!" At 11-12.5 stone (it depends where the scales are in the house) I must be HUGE, positively repulsive, really. 12 Stone is overweight by most peoples standards, so why do people say im not overweight? Are my family and friends compulsive liars? Are the scales compulsive liars? Or are magazines and the media just SHIT? Im thinking the third option.
I think my main issue is that if the media didnt go on about it and other people didnt worry about their weight constantly, i wouldnt give a shit about mine...but with it thrown in my face all the time (FFS, the skinniest person in the staffroom at work eats lettuce leaves for lunch because shes on a diet. I feel sinful for having BREAD! NOOO, NOT A CARB!) I mean i dont really care about most of my body, im happy with my face, and my boobs, and my arms, not too fussed about my legs (although i honestly nearly cried when i couldnt find boots to fit my assumedly-immense calves), its just my tummy..i hate having a tummy that sticks out, all throughout my teens the one bit of my body i could rely on to stay flat was my tummy, but not any more, pfft. It makes every single top i have cling and make it look like it sticks out, cuz all my tops either seem to shrink upwards releaving lovely rolls of flesh or cling. And i point blank refuse to buy a size 16, because then i will have gone up 2 clothes sizes in little under a year - and i havent even changed my bloody diet. Its not like i eat more, ive always eaten like this, if anything i eat more salad/veg now. God help me when i move home and start eating yummy home-cooked food again, im going to be obese (well im not, you know, but according to magazines...)
I dont think ive been under 10 stone since i was, well, under 10! Somebody wrote into company magazine "praising them on their use of curvier models", erm, excuse me, but where? All i can see are hip bones and twiglet-legs. But obviously being a size 8 is more curvy than their previous size 6's. I still continue to read such rubbish magazines because theres alot of bits in them i like. I mean, read Nuts or Zoo or any other fairly down-to-earth mens mag, and there will be no twiglet-thin celebrity/model types in site. Theyre still slimmer than me, but theyre NICELY CURVY. Theyre not skinny, they're toned. Men LIKE curves. Men dont want women who obsess about every bit of food that passes their lips, and this is where i turn into a complete hypocrite because even though logic tells me not to care so much, i do, and i get upset when i feel fat and consider not eating this, that or the other. Its like an on-going bloody weight war in my head - morals Vs beauty.
And now i shall leave, and apologise for this rant that sounds a bit like an article in a magazine anyway lol Maybe i should become a reporter/journalist. I could have my own column called "Hayley Raves About..."
I feel better now anyway :) Ill probably see people in the pub tonight looking lovely and trampy (me, not you!) ;)
:P