I feel you slipping farther and farther away from me.
I don't know how to even begin posting this dream, but I'm going to try because, sometimes, my dreams tell me something that I am just not getting, but I have to write them out and analyze them first. And sometimes, they're just a bunch of crazy things put together.
Somehow, I wound up on a type of reality TV show. It felt kind of like it could have been The Swan, except it wasn't as extreme. Quite a few girls I know were on the show as well. All of them were beautiful, though. I was the only one that needed whatever the makers of the show had to offer. A new look.. a new life. At some point, we were joined by men. Some were celebrities (Heath Ledger, Val Kilmer, Tom Cruise..) Others were fictional, but famous (Robin Hood, the prince from Sleeping Beauty, Westley from The Princess Bride...) And maybe two or three of which I knew and considered friends. The idea was that each of us girls would eventually be paired off with one of each of the men, but first, we had to change.
Another man was introduced to the show later. One that I know and really care for. However, he wasn't meant to be paired with any of us girls, and he spent a lot of time hanging out with everyone on the show. Everyone, except me. I tried to get his attention. I sang songs. I danced. He never talked to me, though, and if he did glance my way, his face always looked empty or full of disgust. Because I was the ugly one. I think everyone pretty much regarded me in the same way.
After a while, I started to change. I took better care of myself. I wore better clothes. I groomed and primped myself. I polished my manners and social skills. I ate better, exercised, lost weight- enough to where people started to notice. I still sang songs, but my voice croaked. I danced, but my clumsy legs and heavy arms did not leave words like "elegant" or "graceful" in my peers' heads. All I could do was humiliate myself, and I still received the smallest slivers of attention from the one person I really wanted to notice me.
I ended up with Heath Ledger. Somehow, he had grown to like (or maybe even love) me, and he asked the producers to put us together. If this (being with Heath Ledger) happened in real life, I would be elated. He was one of my favorite actors, and I found him incredibly attractive. However, in my dream, I was utterly depressed. All I wanted was for things between this man and myself to go back to the way they were. I changed everything I possibly could, but everything I did was useless.
The show ended in winter. I wore a beautiful white dress for the very last episode. Generally, no one really talked to me, but they did notice the changes. Many people stared, some whispered. Heath stayed with me the entire time. He had me dance with him. I knew that the other man was around, but I wasn't as aware of him as I had been. Heath actually managed to keep me distracted.
When it was time to go home, we said our goodbyes and left. Heath walked me outside. Snow had fallen, and it sparkled in the moonlight. For some reason, we separated. I walked alone to my car. People started shooting. There was screaming, running. I ended up caught between a wall and the gang with the guns. I had been shot, but I didn't feel any pain. I've been told that you don't actually die in your dreams because you don't know what it's like. I imagine the same is true for every other thing you've never experienced. Anyway, this is when I woke up.
I don't know. I don't think writing this has helped me figure anything out, and it might even give everyone the wrong impression, but oh well. I don't even know if the man was someone in particular even though he was portrayed by someone that I do know and love. Oh, well.
Somehow, I wound up on a type of reality TV show. It felt kind of like it could have been The Swan, except it wasn't as extreme. Quite a few girls I know were on the show as well. All of them were beautiful, though. I was the only one that needed whatever the makers of the show had to offer. A new look.. a new life. At some point, we were joined by men. Some were celebrities (Heath Ledger, Val Kilmer, Tom Cruise..) Others were fictional, but famous (Robin Hood, the prince from Sleeping Beauty, Westley from The Princess Bride...) And maybe two or three of which I knew and considered friends. The idea was that each of us girls would eventually be paired off with one of each of the men, but first, we had to change.
Another man was introduced to the show later. One that I know and really care for. However, he wasn't meant to be paired with any of us girls, and he spent a lot of time hanging out with everyone on the show. Everyone, except me. I tried to get his attention. I sang songs. I danced. He never talked to me, though, and if he did glance my way, his face always looked empty or full of disgust. Because I was the ugly one. I think everyone pretty much regarded me in the same way.
After a while, I started to change. I took better care of myself. I wore better clothes. I groomed and primped myself. I polished my manners and social skills. I ate better, exercised, lost weight- enough to where people started to notice. I still sang songs, but my voice croaked. I danced, but my clumsy legs and heavy arms did not leave words like "elegant" or "graceful" in my peers' heads. All I could do was humiliate myself, and I still received the smallest slivers of attention from the one person I really wanted to notice me.
I ended up with Heath Ledger. Somehow, he had grown to like (or maybe even love) me, and he asked the producers to put us together. If this (being with Heath Ledger) happened in real life, I would be elated. He was one of my favorite actors, and I found him incredibly attractive. However, in my dream, I was utterly depressed. All I wanted was for things between this man and myself to go back to the way they were. I changed everything I possibly could, but everything I did was useless.
The show ended in winter. I wore a beautiful white dress for the very last episode. Generally, no one really talked to me, but they did notice the changes. Many people stared, some whispered. Heath stayed with me the entire time. He had me dance with him. I knew that the other man was around, but I wasn't as aware of him as I had been. Heath actually managed to keep me distracted.
When it was time to go home, we said our goodbyes and left. Heath walked me outside. Snow had fallen, and it sparkled in the moonlight. For some reason, we separated. I walked alone to my car. People started shooting. There was screaming, running. I ended up caught between a wall and the gang with the guns. I had been shot, but I didn't feel any pain. I've been told that you don't actually die in your dreams because you don't know what it's like. I imagine the same is true for every other thing you've never experienced. Anyway, this is when I woke up.
I don't know. I don't think writing this has helped me figure anything out, and it might even give everyone the wrong impression, but oh well. I don't even know if the man was someone in particular even though he was portrayed by someone that I do know and love. Oh, well.