Thanks for the memories.
Well, it's obviously been much, much too long since I posted here. I haven't seen much use for it in a very long time, but now it just seems right again.
The other places I post blogs are far too public, and I can be much more selective about who sees this.
I'm also very grateful to a friend for reminding me how therapeutic this can be.
I'm not sure how to explain what I feel.
While overall, my life is happier now than it was, recent events have left me dazed and confused.
I'm lucky, I came within inches of ruining everything. I had a rare moment of sanity (followed by a lot of lingering weirdness), but I think things will be okay.
I feel just awful about some of these recent developments.
After that night, I slept the next day away, forcing myself back into dreams every time I woke.
In sleep I can escape the things I must not think.
I spent several hours last night trying to listen to music.
Yes, trying.
I listened to the beginnings of countless song, but I couldn't bring myself to finish any of them.
They all seemed wrong somehow. My search for the right song continues.
This is rather disconcerting. What am I supposed to do, if not listen to that one perfect song over and over until I'm numb?
Perhaps that's why I haven't slept.
I've been able to speak so much more recently. I can sit down and talk about what's on my mind,
But not today. Today very little would come come out correctly. Typing is better now.
It's a good thing my boyfriend is so understanding.
And while I can type out these thoughts, I can not for the life of me compose a single example of decent poetry. I try, and my mind goes blank. I can not do these feelings justice. Anything I write now would be stiff and forced. Thank goodness for this outlet. Without it, what would I have to keep myself in one piece?
On a much more thrilling note, the pain has returned, with a vengeance.
I can cope with the pain in my heart, in my mind.
It's the physical pain that subdues me today. Everything hurts, everywhere hurts. Nothing seems to bring relief but sleep. Relief from my body and my mind.
But sleep will not come.
"You don't love the crazy, sullen bitch. "
The other places I post blogs are far too public, and I can be much more selective about who sees this.
I'm also very grateful to a friend for reminding me how therapeutic this can be.
I'm not sure how to explain what I feel.
While overall, my life is happier now than it was, recent events have left me dazed and confused.
I'm lucky, I came within inches of ruining everything. I had a rare moment of sanity (followed by a lot of lingering weirdness), but I think things will be okay.
I feel just awful about some of these recent developments.
After that night, I slept the next day away, forcing myself back into dreams every time I woke.
In sleep I can escape the things I must not think.
I spent several hours last night trying to listen to music.
Yes, trying.
I listened to the beginnings of countless song, but I couldn't bring myself to finish any of them.
They all seemed wrong somehow. My search for the right song continues.
This is rather disconcerting. What am I supposed to do, if not listen to that one perfect song over and over until I'm numb?
Perhaps that's why I haven't slept.
I've been able to speak so much more recently. I can sit down and talk about what's on my mind,
But not today. Today very little would come come out correctly. Typing is better now.
It's a good thing my boyfriend is so understanding.
And while I can type out these thoughts, I can not for the life of me compose a single example of decent poetry. I try, and my mind goes blank. I can not do these feelings justice. Anything I write now would be stiff and forced. Thank goodness for this outlet. Without it, what would I have to keep myself in one piece?
On a much more thrilling note, the pain has returned, with a vengeance.
I can cope with the pain in my heart, in my mind.
It's the physical pain that subdues me today. Everything hurts, everywhere hurts. Nothing seems to bring relief but sleep. Relief from my body and my mind.
But sleep will not come.
"You don't love the crazy, sullen bitch. "