(no subject)
I hate my life I hate my life
Will it ever stop?
It always seems everything negative happens, I try to look at the positive but is just fogged with all negative.
I'm sorry livejournal, I haven't wrote to you in some good time. Its just my life and all, this kinda sounds like a poem for some reason, or an ending to a movie where the person kills themselves and you're reading the last piece of writing from that person, you know? I don't get it, I have what I want or I buy what I want, but it seems its just never enough to make me happy, there is still a void in there. It might seem a bit selfish to say something like, the needy seems always happy but its only what people see on the outside yeah? No one even knows this side of me, the side I don't like showing because its the abyss of me. You know that just made me remember how when people commit suicide no one ever sees it coming but it does, its because those people probably have a side like mine or something that they just don't show to everyone else. Kinda like me.
People say they can't believe I really have this side, I guess it is hard to imagine, but its real, and no one knows about it, sometimes it makes me cry, heh but thats everyon once in awhile in a blue moon yeah? College starts soon, I guess I can't wait, it doesn't matter to me, I doubt I will meet any girls oh well, I give up. I do journal, just like all the other times, but then something brings my hopes up then they just all come crashing down all over again. Like a fucking circle, circle of life. I just wish I could have someone I really cared about someone that I can really love, it seems like there is a person out there but each day my hopes dimish until it gets to this point, then they get lifted, and then fall all over again.
I just want companionship I just like to know that security, I think a lot of people do. Just because they don't show it, I bet they do deep inside they do, but they find some other way to ignore it or get a gf or something you know? I haven't played WoW in weeks, I bet my guild doesn't miss me. I went to canobie the other day it was ok. Nothing new really, I doubt anyone misses me there also, whatever I've given up on why people should care for me. Jess says I have a bad attitude to life, the "I don't care" crap, he's probably right like he always is, but it almost seems like the easy way out of life, saying I don't care anymore.
But you know when I date girls I'm all happy and stuff and when I'm alone I always think and myself to this point and it sucks. Well half and half really, I sorta like this mood but hate it at the same time. I don't know why but I do. Oh well. I sound probably really depressed and pissed and shit its because I am. Its just about girls though, I always chase the wrong ones. Why can't the right ones just see this side of me, and not say "Oh Woody is sutch an asshole or perv or some jackass trying to get in my pants". I just do it as an act, its funny, makes the guys laugh, makes me feel accepted, because thats what we all want to feel like, accepted.
But I guess girls don't like it to much, or the right ones don't, they need a perfect mix, nice guy but yet stiff asshole type at the same time. I wish they would realize its not easy doing that, its hard on a few of us, it sucks, I get like this because of it. But maybe that right girl will read this and realize what I really am, heh, thats a long shot in the dark though. Why do people care about me? Its because "I'm me", its like I'm woody basically no one else, not another Jon Dick or Harry, no I'm me. I don't get why people say that. I feel so alone all the time.
It seems like the most popular people are the people that are most alone, I think so live journal. I do. Maybe tomorrow I'll just ride my dirtbike all day and not stop, or smoke a nice cigar I have so I can just sit relax no worries for once. No one ever realizes how I really feel on the inside, probably because I don't show it. But thats ok, they can read this instead and understand. Maura sure did, and now look, her bf's best friends tried to beat the shit out of me and now she wants to be my friend. How nice of her.
I should do stuff like that to other people to. I guess you don't realize how much of an impact you have on a person's life until you lost them, you sorta take them for granted or something. Or maybe we take everything for granted. I wish I knew. I bet I could make a fortune if I knew answers to questions like those. Good business idea I think. Man this seems like a long entry but I doubt it is.
I wonder how college is, what different people I will and stuff, maybe it will be fun, or I will have being my asshole self haha. Cool parties I bet though. Maybe hesser seems just to be a no girls type of school because of it being a community college or something. Maybe I'll transfer out and go to UNH or police academy or something. You for some reason what I want to do with my life really is just sit here and do noting, it would be nice and relaxing. I bet a lot of people want to do that though, sigh. I don't know anymore journal, I thought I did, but I lost it. I'll post another entry soon enough. I can see on the horizon there will be many more entries to come with the approaching school year and it will seem fun or other people will enjoy my entries hopefully. Until then good night livejournal and thank you for listening, for some reason you can sit and listen to me and not say a thing but understand everything. Thank you.
Will it ever stop?
It always seems everything negative happens, I try to look at the positive but is just fogged with all negative.
I'm sorry livejournal, I haven't wrote to you in some good time. Its just my life and all, this kinda sounds like a poem for some reason, or an ending to a movie where the person kills themselves and you're reading the last piece of writing from that person, you know? I don't get it, I have what I want or I buy what I want, but it seems its just never enough to make me happy, there is still a void in there. It might seem a bit selfish to say something like, the needy seems always happy but its only what people see on the outside yeah? No one even knows this side of me, the side I don't like showing because its the abyss of me. You know that just made me remember how when people commit suicide no one ever sees it coming but it does, its because those people probably have a side like mine or something that they just don't show to everyone else. Kinda like me.
People say they can't believe I really have this side, I guess it is hard to imagine, but its real, and no one knows about it, sometimes it makes me cry, heh but thats everyon once in awhile in a blue moon yeah? College starts soon, I guess I can't wait, it doesn't matter to me, I doubt I will meet any girls oh well, I give up. I do journal, just like all the other times, but then something brings my hopes up then they just all come crashing down all over again. Like a fucking circle, circle of life. I just wish I could have someone I really cared about someone that I can really love, it seems like there is a person out there but each day my hopes dimish until it gets to this point, then they get lifted, and then fall all over again.
I just want companionship I just like to know that security, I think a lot of people do. Just because they don't show it, I bet they do deep inside they do, but they find some other way to ignore it or get a gf or something you know? I haven't played WoW in weeks, I bet my guild doesn't miss me. I went to canobie the other day it was ok. Nothing new really, I doubt anyone misses me there also, whatever I've given up on why people should care for me. Jess says I have a bad attitude to life, the "I don't care" crap, he's probably right like he always is, but it almost seems like the easy way out of life, saying I don't care anymore.
But you know when I date girls I'm all happy and stuff and when I'm alone I always think and myself to this point and it sucks. Well half and half really, I sorta like this mood but hate it at the same time. I don't know why but I do. Oh well. I sound probably really depressed and pissed and shit its because I am. Its just about girls though, I always chase the wrong ones. Why can't the right ones just see this side of me, and not say "Oh Woody is sutch an asshole or perv or some jackass trying to get in my pants". I just do it as an act, its funny, makes the guys laugh, makes me feel accepted, because thats what we all want to feel like, accepted.
But I guess girls don't like it to much, or the right ones don't, they need a perfect mix, nice guy but yet stiff asshole type at the same time. I wish they would realize its not easy doing that, its hard on a few of us, it sucks, I get like this because of it. But maybe that right girl will read this and realize what I really am, heh, thats a long shot in the dark though. Why do people care about me? Its because "I'm me", its like I'm woody basically no one else, not another Jon Dick or Harry, no I'm me. I don't get why people say that. I feel so alone all the time.
It seems like the most popular people are the people that are most alone, I think so live journal. I do. Maybe tomorrow I'll just ride my dirtbike all day and not stop, or smoke a nice cigar I have so I can just sit relax no worries for once. No one ever realizes how I really feel on the inside, probably because I don't show it. But thats ok, they can read this instead and understand. Maura sure did, and now look, her bf's best friends tried to beat the shit out of me and now she wants to be my friend. How nice of her.
I should do stuff like that to other people to. I guess you don't realize how much of an impact you have on a person's life until you lost them, you sorta take them for granted or something. Or maybe we take everything for granted. I wish I knew. I bet I could make a fortune if I knew answers to questions like those. Good business idea I think. Man this seems like a long entry but I doubt it is.
I wonder how college is, what different people I will and stuff, maybe it will be fun, or I will have being my asshole self haha. Cool parties I bet though. Maybe hesser seems just to be a no girls type of school because of it being a community college or something. Maybe I'll transfer out and go to UNH or police academy or something. You for some reason what I want to do with my life really is just sit here and do noting, it would be nice and relaxing. I bet a lot of people want to do that though, sigh. I don't know anymore journal, I thought I did, but I lost it. I'll post another entry soon enough. I can see on the horizon there will be many more entries to come with the approaching school year and it will seem fun or other people will enjoy my entries hopefully. Until then good night livejournal and thank you for listening, for some reason you can sit and listen to me and not say a thing but understand everything. Thank you.