loosing all iv ever known
fuck dude every emotion i have never had is coming out....i am cold hearted and most people know that about me..that my heart is deep and empty and black with no feelings.i consider myself a shitty person. im stand offish.when things are wrong i try and dart them insted of dodge them.but now things that i have pushed aside are hitting me hard and i cant deal.what do you do when the only person you have is going to die.yea fuck you mom....my mom is dying shes fuckign leaving me she cant do this not now. i always say how i hate her but shes the only one i need she will always love me for what i do or who i am.and now its over i spent 18 years of my life not loving her and now all ill have is two months to fill that 18 years of a void i have given her.i am a bottle of emotions and my bottle has been broken .people dont understand me besides a few..some dont want to undertand but i cope with hate and anger its a fixation i use so it occurs that im numb and cant be brought down.i guess what im trying to say is if your my friend and you really are...i need you now more then ever because my wings have been broken and they need mending because if i dont get back up i never will and i dont want my mom to dye worrying if shes going to meet her only child wherever she goes because i cant grow without her.im going to crawl in bawl and cry myself to sleep because im torn...