I hate hurting!
Well let's see. Yesterday I spent most of my time out of the office at work because I had to go and meet with my squadron and get yelled at for about 3 hours... then I had to go to physical therapy and then back to my squadron... And in the end they want to send me back there early, and if not early they don't want to give me the time extra time at security forces to heal. So pretty much at this point, I'm just like whatever... Especially because I was told by the ramp foreman that he's been approached by airman who say that they think i am just milking it because i want to get out of work or whatever... That's about the biggest bull shit I have heard. Excuse me, but seriously. I really want to know who has seen me around jumping all over the place ans shit... Especially since from the time I get home until the time I go to bed I am with John. And he can tell you just how much I do... NothinG!!!! How many times I come home after work and just lay on the bed because I hurt so bad... So maybe they see me at the store, but they are not in my shoes, so do they know how much I truly do hurt? You know I tend to try and hide how much I hurt, even from John sometimes.... but he knows how to read me better then anyone else. He can tell from the sound in my voice, or the way i open the door. And all these people who i do NOT talk to on day to day basis are going to say what they think? When did you get a medical degree? They are probably the ones who don't know that sometimes my body just gives way and I fall. And if it weren't for John being there I'd end up on the ground more times then not. Anyways... so yet again I lay here so much pain. I'm so tired of hurting. It's been almost 3 monthes and no one has been able to provide any relief for my back. Everyone I go to see just says it's a muscle spasm... Well, if it's just a muscle spasm why is it taking so long to heal? And swhy is it that just about every single night I end up in tears because I hurt so bad. Why is it that there are times when my back just completely gives way and I can't walk? I hurt so bad right now... I don't even want to move...In fact I know that it's going to be a while before I do... like sometime late tomorrow morning/afternoon... I hate hurting so much!!! And what's vene worse is being in all the pain and not having the one person who knows how to help me here... the one person who will make sure that I'm okay and get the treatment I need... So for all the people who want to say I'm faking it, you can come have my back pain for a day, then tell me again that I'm faking it and not in so much pain. True some days are better then others, as with anyone who has back pain, but is there ever a time when I don't hurt? NoPe... And for once I just want relief. AT least some relief... If the pain level could go down to like a 5 then I'd be okay... I'd hurt, but it would be something I could bare with... Anyways, I need some sleep and I just took my medicine and I'm feeling like I'm on cloud nine. Off in my own little world... it's like weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! LOL!