A long time, built up thoughts, and endless fears.
alright so LJ man its been a while since ive even seen this site and noone willl probly ever read this so it may be more detailed than usual. im 22 now, man thats so old where have the years gone? i cant seem to find meaning in life much, i mean i love life i just cant seem to feel a purpose for myself yet and i feel like everyone around me is, and maybe this isnt the case but it sure seems that way. most of my old friends are just now graduating college or going on to continue there education and im here, in my parents house, no job, being a fucking looser. people are getting married, starting beutiful families and going on with there lives. i just want to find that someone to share my thoughts with and it seems like i cant find anygirl like that ever, ive met girls i like that dont really seem to like me back. i feel like a pussy for even putting this stuff somewhere besides my head but i just have so much time these days since i lost my job that its the only thing that makes since right now. i feel like the next 3 years of my life are gonna go by so fast that before i know it ill be 25 with a whole new group of friends. ill be joining the air force in jan. and going in as a combat controller, seems like a really great job wtht he opportunity to make good money and go great places and meet great people, i dont mean to sound like a recruiting poster but this seems to be the only thing in life im actually looking forward to. but it seems to come at a price, the time i loose might be important and this is a job that would really put my life in jepordy, hah im not a serious person so doing something like this seems so unreal, i dont think its truely hit me yet. in the last 4 years ive moved to orlando, met a great girl and blew that, i feel like i have no feelings anymore, like i have to creativity or worth thoughts, its trerrible really and i feel this is my inhabition when it comes to getting girls to actually like me, i feel boring. i moved back from orlando to niceville and have been living with my parents ever since, nice people, just i feel like ive got no privacy, i have a need to get outta here. these days i have grown out of listening to nothin but metal music, i listen to 90's alternative and new alternative like jack johnson, ben harper and that kinda shit, it just makes me feel relaxed and like there isnt a care in the world really never thought i would listen to the stuff. i have givin up doing any kind of drugs, i really dont like the way they make me feel and its not worth it to me, it seems so weird to me that people i used to know that never did drugs now do drugs and people and knew before that did drugs no longer do them, im a beleiver that if you can control the use then do what makes u happy but it seems that some people i know it has taken that spark from them that somethin that made u want to be around them everyday is now dim and faint. everyone is so busy these days it seems like i barely know anyone i felt i once did, it scares me and really i just want things to change, in the world, in amercica, and in my life. life seems worse everyday and hopefully something happens to turn it around. well ive gotta go this is just a few of my thoughts, i shall continue tomorrow night..