Sadness & Grindhouse
After three failed previous attempts, I finally saw Grindhouse last night. I loved Planet Terror. It was a great mix of gore, action, cheesiness, and beautiful people. This obviously isn't any full-fledged review or anything but I seriously loved the gore. It made me want to make babies immediately. I thought the fake trailers were great too and of course, I adored Thanksgiving because hi, I love Eli Roth.
As for Deathproof. Ehhh. I was totally disappointed with this. All of the women in it, while of course beautiful, were totally fucking annoying. Their dialogue felt forced and fake and I didn't really care what any of them had to say. Also, hi plotholes. Was Stuntman Mike a stalker? Did he just randomly kill groups of women or was there some sort of motive? What was up with Jungle Julie texting whoever she was texting? Did we ever find out who that was? Did we ever care? Hearing Kurt Russell howl like a wounded animal was probably the most amusing part of the whole movie. And it wasn't very. Meh.
I've been really sad for the past two months or so. I burst into tears at least once a day and obsess about the death/ending of things (like my relationship, my life, past relationships, etc). Tristan has been "in" my life a lot lately and that entire situation has been so emotionally trying. I don't know whether he is schitzophrenic or just has really shitty luck. He got in touch with me late last week asking me all of these weird questions having to do with us being together back in December of 2005. He actually *thought* it was December of 2005. He spent a week in a mental ward a few weeks ago and now has been taking schitzophrenic meds that apparently are fucking up his sense of time and making him hallucinate. So unfortunately, his sister and I had to explain to him what was really going on and that we hadn't been together for a long time.
Now, this has been explained to him. And I think he remembers little things here and there, but for the most part, I think he's still feeling all of the "we're together" emotions. And to be completely fucking honest (not that it isn't glaringly obvious), I still feel all of those too. It's a very very confusing time for me, mostly because during all of this, I am also obsessing over leaving Colin soon for " his own good," or so I'd like to believe. So all of this has led to the following:
- I'm behaviorally very self-destructive.
- I stopped going to school. Edit: My teacher emailed me. I'm going back to class on Thursday.
- I have a horrible time getting to sleep every night.
- I am always worried/anxious/miserable.
And so I went to the hospital last week after work one day. I checked in to talk to a doctor about my anxiety and to get a referral for a psychiatrist. My visit went as so:
Dr: "What seems to be the problem?"
me: *on the verge of tears, terrified because I've never actually asked for help before* "I've been having a lot of anxiety lately. I want to know my options."
Dr: "Here's a prescription for some pills. Anxiety is common for people your age. Blah Blah."
I wasn't asked about any symptoms or anything. The dr. did, however, give me the direct line to the psychiatry services. I did a little research on what I was prescribed and am kind of stunned that I wasn't asked about depression or any symptoms whatsoever before given the drug. I haven't taken it yet because I haven't made an appt. to have a full evaluation done.
It's all really scary and I have no idea what I'm doing.