And if we go some place to dance, I know there is a chance you won't be leaving with me.

[implebeian]

Life tends to understand that I will not give in without a fight, each point must be proven (beaten in) until there is no room for any contestation.

Master Carver also noticed, "Doing readings for you is so easy. It's the same message hammered in again and again."

.....

My current lesson: Calm, but vigilant, in the face of anything.

My mother said my expression showed all my emotions. This is true. I'm not very good at controlling my facial expressions or my body languages.

The two main arenas I get to practice controlling this skill are on the horseback and at work: Tighten your gut, "front-line" as we called it, but remain relax and limber anywhere else and go with the flow. Sort of prepare for combat but NEVER let it show.

And however much triumph you held in your grip, No Gloating!

.....

So far, I'm not doing very well at work. Political Game Face is not my specialty. I guess that's why I don't play poker.

.....

I can do the no fighting and no contesting, but the side affect to that is I also cease to care.

Now, that, truly is just depressing.

People are so fake, to the point where it's not funny anymore. In order to get through, we have to smile, clutching a knife behind our back. It's making me sick to my stomach.

.....

Now, how the hell did I move from all exciting about life's lesson to down right depression and disappointment of human masquerades, again?

I guess I just realized what the price of this new skill is. A portion of my soul.

Oh well. It takes what it takes, right?

**************

On an entirely different topic. I get uncomfortable every time people called me 'sarcastic'. I am NOT sarcastic, people. Ever wonder why sarcasm never works with me?

I have no reaction to it because it is NOT in my dictionary. I can't response to something that does not exist in my world.

Cynical, yes I am - totally. Sarcastic, never - I'm not smart enough to be sarcastic.