[YGO] Guard Dog ~ Worth It

[impfics]

So I was watching Yu-Gi-Oh season zero for the first time the other night. In the second episode, there's a scene where Anzu, Miho and a girl with a crush on Jounouchi are trying to figure out what she can get Jounouchi as a present.
Anzu: Well, he likes porn.A girl can't give porn to a guy, so they call Yuugi out. After all, Yuugi is one of the

Comments

[alchemy101]

Well this is completely adorable. Makes a good way to end my night, so thank you for that!

Just a couple of things.
He was pretty sure he heard a shout of ëWe're not Worthy!' from the back as everyone gawked. The first quotation.
"Are you ñsure- my being here is okay?" Yuugi asked nervously, fiddling slightly with one of the black studded cuffs on his wrist. And you've got an n with a tilde over it right before "sure"

But thats it. Just those two things in the beginging that I can find. ^_^

[impfics]

Thanks!
I did a read-through and corrected a bunch of them but there's always a few I miss. #^^#

There's also this...

[wren_chan]

...which doesn't quite make sense.

The techies cheered them both on, shouting readings to each other as the duel progressed. In this sort of forum, but he and Yuugi fought like the end of the world was at stake, because both of them had been there. In private, they would goof off and relax, but not in front of other people.

'In this sort of forum' what?

More later--this is on my first readthrough.

[snickerer]

"The big one, not the little one." XD
"He was pretty sure he heard a shout of 'We're not Worthy!' from the back" *cackles* Ohh, I can /see/ Yugi's expression in response to that!
Pretty sure you meant he was giving Jounouchi a quizzical look rather than a quixotic look, though. ^^
And Black Magician Girl's reaction is /perfect/. *snickers cheerily*
"Be grateful that's not Mana-chan anymore." XD XD XD /Yeah/.
"'We Need to Talk, Kaiba.' Yuugi said over his protests in that cheerful-yet-scary-beyond-belief tone. " *cackles* And /that/ line just trips the awesome meter good and solid.

More Correcties

[wren_chan]

"I've all ready gotten clearance from Kaiba." He added. "The big one, not the little one."
already, not all ready, s'il vous plait.

Yuugi asked nervously, fiddling slightly with one of the black studded cuffs on his wrist.
The way this is put together, it sounds as if the cuffs are some other colour and studded with black.

Not that he got that long of a look, she squeaked and the club end of her magic scepter came crashing into his face sending him flying on top of one of the trap cards.
A semicolon would be better than that comma after look. Put the comma after 'squeaked'.

As it turned out, a face down trap card -could- hold a human's weight. But only for a few seconds, it dropped you on your butt onto the harsh unforgiving ground.
... weight, comma, but only for a few seconds before it dropped you ...

Which, Seto sighed, intertwining his fingers in front of him, he supposed it was his fault.
Lop off the which, we don't need it.

Other than that, think we're all good.

Re: More Correcties

[rusco_ducam]

Which, Seto sighed, intertwining his fingers in front of him, he supposed it was his fault.

Alternately: 'he supposed was true.' or 'he supposed it was.'

Re: More Correcties

[wren_chan]

Good point. Keeps the pattern, too.

[ysabet]

Hmmm. I need to comment. Yes, I read it last night, but I *didn't* comment. Okay, here we go: !!!!!!111111111!!!!!!!!!!111111!11

Yep, that should do it.

[saitaina]

I...can't think of anything to say! It's just good and perfect (in terms of story telling). There were too many good points to re-count them all so let's just say...it completely ruled.

And Jou kissed Seto! YESSSSSSSSSS!