(no subject)
. .. look, what i found from the floor when i came home, in a brown envelope! so close to tears now, it's too lovely! impossible to express in any way. i never thought she could actually send them, i felt so unsure. but she did! but it seems still that she doesn't want me to send anything to her, as a "thank you" no matter how many times i have asked what she'd like to get and something. she has just said that i don't need to send her anything. i don't even really know who she is. how old she is. what's her favorite color. but i want, i have to find the prettiest things you can imagine and send her, just something, i have to decide but nothing seems lovely enough!
crying when you're too happy, dangerously, such a bliss still. and suddenly, despair.