"You know, I'm naked beneath my chocolate."
My answers to cicirossi's First Line Challenge:
Giles/John Constantine (Buffy/Hellblazer)
"You know, I'm naked beneath my chocolate."
Giles sighed. "Just as long as you don't get any on the books."
There was a pause. If he listened carefully, John imagined he could hear the tumble of a single metaphorical penny as it fell to the ground.
"What sort of chocolate?" Giles' voice floated up the stairs.
"None of your kids' American muck." John strained his ears to hear the muffled cursing as Giles dropped a stake on his foot. "You wouldn't believe the crap I took to get this through customs." Yes, he could hear a sigh as Giles bent to pick up said stake. "I tried telling them..." There was a clatter as Giles dropped the stake again. "...you couldn’t get BSE from Cadbury's Dairy Milk unless you slathered it over a raw rump of prime British steak." By the sounds of things, Giles had left the stake and was beginning to climb the stairs. "Which, I suppose, is what I've done."
Josh/Sam (TWW)
"You know, I'm naked beneath my chocolate."
"No, you're not," said Sam.
"I am!" Josh's voice came out slightly more petulant than he had intended.
“No, you’re not,” Sam insisted. "You're still wearing your socks."
Spike/Xander (Buffy)
"You know, I'm naked beneath my chocolate."
Xander blinked. When he looked back, the naked vampire was still sitting there, a light drizzling of chocolate sauce - or was it melted chocolate? - covering his n...ni...niii... //If you can't say it, you can't have it, Spike's voice said in the back of Xander's mind// ...his nipples. And where had that thought come from? Sex with Spike didn't involve nipples. Sex with Spike meant getting drunk and lonely or at least pretending to and Spike's nipples were smaller than Anya's. Less round. This wasn't how it was supposed to go, with seduction and chocolate and something that might have been worry - but probably wasn't, knowing Spike - in the vampire's eyes. But on the other hand, there were nipples, just lying there, covered in chocolate and attached to a naked vampire.
Oh well, he thought, bending down to lick the chocolate - and it was melted chocolate, not sauce - from Spike's chest, if it doesn't work out, Buffy'll just stake him in the morning.
Toby/Leo (The West Wing)
"You know, I'm naked beneath my chocolate."
Leo pressed the mute button, leaned back in his chair and laughed until the tears rolled down his face at the sound of Toby choking on a sandwich at the other end of the phone.
Jack/Teal'c (Stargate)
"You know, I'm naked beneath my chocolate."
Teal'c cocked one eyebrow. "O'Neill," he replied, "you are acting most strangely."
"It's an ancient Earth custom, Teal'c," Jack said, wearing only the aforementioned chocolate and a smirk.
"I am aware of such customs." There was a pause. "DanielJackson has explained them to me." There was another pause, during which time Jack attempted - and failed - to keep the smirk on his face. "He was very enthusiastic."
"Oh yeah?" Jack asked, not quite casually enough to fool either himself or the alien.
"Indeed. He was so insistent in his wish to demonstrate that I felt it only proper to allow him to do so." There was something about Teal'c's eyebrows, Jack decided, that looked suspiciously like the smirk he himself had been wearing just moments earlier. But Teal'c, damn him, didn't smirk.
Jack suddenly wished he were wearing more by way of clothing.
"He bought me what I believe you call a candy bar. I did not understand the attraction." There was a pause, during which time Jack regained as much composure as is possible for a naked man covered in chocolate to possess. "I do now."
Crowley/Aziraphale (Good Omens)
"You know, I'm naked beneath my chocolate."
Aziraphale nodded briskly. "You may mock, Crowley, but without this book I might as well call... I might as... I... Naked?"
"Naked," Crowley confirmed.
"And... And how much chocolate would you be naked beneath?" the angel asked, carefully closing the catalogue he had out in front of him before gently placing it back inside its plastic cover.
"Oh," said Crowley, pausing as if to check the exact quantities, "not a lot." He let out a contemplative sigh. "Very little, in fact. I got bored waiting for you to notice, so I started to lick some of it off myself." He paused again, listening to the rustle of plastic as Aziraphale filed his catalogue carefully under "Q" for "Quite rare". "I could go and melt some more, if you like. Won't take a couple of minutes."
"No," said Aziraphale, "I don't think that will be necessary."
Giles/John Constantine (Buffy/Hellblazer)
"You know, I'm naked beneath my chocolate."
Giles sighed. "Just as long as you don't get any on the books."
There was a pause. If he listened carefully, John imagined he could hear the tumble of a single metaphorical penny as it fell to the ground.
"What sort of chocolate?" Giles' voice floated up the stairs.
"None of your kids' American muck." John strained his ears to hear the muffled cursing as Giles dropped a stake on his foot. "You wouldn't believe the crap I took to get this through customs." Yes, he could hear a sigh as Giles bent to pick up said stake. "I tried telling them..." There was a clatter as Giles dropped the stake again. "...you couldn’t get BSE from Cadbury's Dairy Milk unless you slathered it over a raw rump of prime British steak." By the sounds of things, Giles had left the stake and was beginning to climb the stairs. "Which, I suppose, is what I've done."
Josh/Sam (TWW)
"You know, I'm naked beneath my chocolate."
"No, you're not," said Sam.
"I am!" Josh's voice came out slightly more petulant than he had intended.
“No, you’re not,” Sam insisted. "You're still wearing your socks."
Spike/Xander (Buffy)
"You know, I'm naked beneath my chocolate."
Xander blinked. When he looked back, the naked vampire was still sitting there, a light drizzling of chocolate sauce - or was it melted chocolate? - covering his n...ni...niii... //If you can't say it, you can't have it, Spike's voice said in the back of Xander's mind// ...his nipples. And where had that thought come from? Sex with Spike didn't involve nipples. Sex with Spike meant getting drunk and lonely or at least pretending to and Spike's nipples were smaller than Anya's. Less round. This wasn't how it was supposed to go, with seduction and chocolate and something that might have been worry - but probably wasn't, knowing Spike - in the vampire's eyes. But on the other hand, there were nipples, just lying there, covered in chocolate and attached to a naked vampire.
Oh well, he thought, bending down to lick the chocolate - and it was melted chocolate, not sauce - from Spike's chest, if it doesn't work out, Buffy'll just stake him in the morning.
Toby/Leo (The West Wing)
"You know, I'm naked beneath my chocolate."
Leo pressed the mute button, leaned back in his chair and laughed until the tears rolled down his face at the sound of Toby choking on a sandwich at the other end of the phone.
Jack/Teal'c (Stargate)
"You know, I'm naked beneath my chocolate."
Teal'c cocked one eyebrow. "O'Neill," he replied, "you are acting most strangely."
"It's an ancient Earth custom, Teal'c," Jack said, wearing only the aforementioned chocolate and a smirk.
"I am aware of such customs." There was a pause. "DanielJackson has explained them to me." There was another pause, during which time Jack attempted - and failed - to keep the smirk on his face. "He was very enthusiastic."
"Oh yeah?" Jack asked, not quite casually enough to fool either himself or the alien.
"Indeed. He was so insistent in his wish to demonstrate that I felt it only proper to allow him to do so." There was something about Teal'c's eyebrows, Jack decided, that looked suspiciously like the smirk he himself had been wearing just moments earlier. But Teal'c, damn him, didn't smirk.
Jack suddenly wished he were wearing more by way of clothing.
"He bought me what I believe you call a candy bar. I did not understand the attraction." There was a pause, during which time Jack regained as much composure as is possible for a naked man covered in chocolate to possess. "I do now."
Crowley/Aziraphale (Good Omens)
"You know, I'm naked beneath my chocolate."
Aziraphale nodded briskly. "You may mock, Crowley, but without this book I might as well call... I might as... I... Naked?"
"Naked," Crowley confirmed.
"And... And how much chocolate would you be naked beneath?" the angel asked, carefully closing the catalogue he had out in front of him before gently placing it back inside its plastic cover.
"Oh," said Crowley, pausing as if to check the exact quantities, "not a lot." He let out a contemplative sigh. "Very little, in fact. I got bored waiting for you to notice, so I started to lick some of it off myself." He paused again, listening to the rustle of plastic as Aziraphale filed his catalogue carefully under "Q" for "Quite rare". "I could go and melt some more, if you like. Won't take a couple of minutes."
"No," said Aziraphale, "I don't think that will be necessary."