Hitchhiker's Guide: Ford/Arthur: Some moments from the "Aliens Make..." timeline
These claim to have been lurking on my hard drive for ages, so I think if they were going to turn into anything more interesting while I wasn't looking, they'd have done it by now.
A couple of moments set between the sequel to Aliens Make Ford and Arthur Have Sex and And Other Animals
Snippet 1
"I like women," said Ford. "Some of my favourite mothers are women. I just don't see why you need one."
Arthur narrowed his eyes. "We need one, Ford."
"Is this one of your quaint Earth customs that I wouldn't understand, having only spent fifteen of the best years of my life on your gone but not - sadly - forgotten planet?"
Arthur could tell when Ford was trying to distract him. Even on the rare occasions no sex was involved, the gleam in his eye was the same. He played his trump card.
"You spilled tea on our baby!"
"Come to think of it, all of my favourite mothers are women," Ford said with a frown, as if this were a terrible thing to discover so late in life.
"Tea! On our baby!"
"At least, I think so. I never asked."
"Boiling hot tea! On our baby!"
"Are you trying to tell me we need a woman or we need more tea?"
Arthur picked the sodden rag doll from its cradle and thrust it in Ford's face. "Look!"
"I don't think you should be holding it like that."
"Sod the bloody doll - if that had been a real baby he would have been scarred for life."
"So when I'm spilling tea on it it's our baby, but when you're waving it in my face to make a point it's a 'bloody doll'?"
Arthur glared.
"I don't see why we need to practice, anyway. It can't be too hard if your lot have been doing it for thousands of years."
Arthur continued to glare.
"You're being irrational, Arthur," tried Ford.
Arthur stopped glaring to splutter indignantly. "I'm being irrational? Which one of us used the improbability drive to make Xaphrphrian stew because he had a craving for his fifth mother's cooking? I'm still cleaning up after the temporary penguins."
"She was a woman, too."
Arthur blinked, buying himself enough time to mentally rewind the conversation. "The penguins?"
"We won't need a woman. We'll be fine. This was just," Ford said, ignoring the dripping doll, "a dry run."
Snippet 2
Arthur returned with another cup of tea. He didn't intend to drink it straight away, but found holding it very comforting in these difficult and trying times. If the scent just happened - independently, of course, of any ventilation changes he might have made to the nursery - to waft its way towards the children, so be it. It was utterly unreasonable of Ford not to let him put it in their bottles, anyway. He'd offered to make it very milky.
He found Ford leaning against the door to the nursery, watching as Marvin droned Philip and Toyota to sleep. The smile on his face barely made Arthur nervous at all.
A couple of moments set between the sequel to Aliens Make Ford and Arthur Have Sex and And Other Animals
Snippet 1
"I like women," said Ford. "Some of my favourite mothers are women. I just don't see why you need one."
Arthur narrowed his eyes. "We need one, Ford."
"Is this one of your quaint Earth customs that I wouldn't understand, having only spent fifteen of the best years of my life on your gone but not - sadly - forgotten planet?"
Arthur could tell when Ford was trying to distract him. Even on the rare occasions no sex was involved, the gleam in his eye was the same. He played his trump card.
"You spilled tea on our baby!"
"Come to think of it, all of my favourite mothers are women," Ford said with a frown, as if this were a terrible thing to discover so late in life.
"Tea! On our baby!"
"At least, I think so. I never asked."
"Boiling hot tea! On our baby!"
"Are you trying to tell me we need a woman or we need more tea?"
Arthur picked the sodden rag doll from its cradle and thrust it in Ford's face. "Look!"
"I don't think you should be holding it like that."
"Sod the bloody doll - if that had been a real baby he would have been scarred for life."
"So when I'm spilling tea on it it's our baby, but when you're waving it in my face to make a point it's a 'bloody doll'?"
Arthur glared.
"I don't see why we need to practice, anyway. It can't be too hard if your lot have been doing it for thousands of years."
Arthur continued to glare.
"You're being irrational, Arthur," tried Ford.
Arthur stopped glaring to splutter indignantly. "I'm being irrational? Which one of us used the improbability drive to make Xaphrphrian stew because he had a craving for his fifth mother's cooking? I'm still cleaning up after the temporary penguins."
"She was a woman, too."
Arthur blinked, buying himself enough time to mentally rewind the conversation. "The penguins?"
"We won't need a woman. We'll be fine. This was just," Ford said, ignoring the dripping doll, "a dry run."
Snippet 2
Arthur returned with another cup of tea. He didn't intend to drink it straight away, but found holding it very comforting in these difficult and trying times. If the scent just happened - independently, of course, of any ventilation changes he might have made to the nursery - to waft its way towards the children, so be it. It was utterly unreasonable of Ford not to let him put it in their bottles, anyway. He'd offered to make it very milky.
He found Ford leaning against the door to the nursery, watching as Marvin droned Philip and Toyota to sleep. The smile on his face barely made Arthur nervous at all.