(no subject)
jack johnson's new cd sounds like warm summertime and it makes me want to bite my lips, it makes me want to cry. i want to stretch out on my back on a hot wooden floor, in a tank top and a skirt and i want to just practice breathing, in and out and in again. i want to close my eyes and just think. i am listening to ani difranco and my insides feel like they are expanding, inflating. i am making lists of books to read when the summer finally gets here and looking up plane tickets to california. i am contemplating chopping all my hair off, to above my ears, and getting that tattoo, finally, tiny and small across my ring finger. but i won't do either. yesterday i spent countless hours driving a car next to a girl i have known for more than half of my time on this sometimes-sweet-smelling earth. and at 1 in the morning, on the interstate between home and st louis she said "nicole, i can't talk on the phone with you" and i nodded. "i feel cheated" she added. and i know exactly what she means. i feel like i am tying myself in nervous knots and waiting, trying to be patient. i feel like there are so many of us, unconsciouly holding our breath, holding our lovely lips tightly closed and forcefully constricting our lungs, ticking off the seconds, counting down the minutes, waiting and waiting and waiting. for what.