(no subject)
note: very depressing
[ chantelle ] says:
one more rant ok
[ chantelle ] says:
family
[ chantelle ] says:
ok, so i havent seen my dad in like a week. theres thsi big whole father-daughter relationship thats completely missing. i barely ever talk to him when he is home...and i dont wanna be not close w/ my dad. fuck, my brother who lives in alberta & sees my family once a year, is closer to my dad than i am. [heh i was always so left out w/e my brother came to visit]. and im not going to be like "hey dad..yea lets go to the mall together" b/c thats totally nto something we'd do. and i dunno. he bitches at me too. actually, most the time we talk is him bitching at me for something... ok and then my mom...all she does is bitch at me and when shes in good moods she drives me crazy so i get mad at her, and then she bitches at me for something completely different. really, every mornign we get into a fight. i have barely seen her this past week either b/c o fwork..but shes always bitching at me for something.. (take ur laundy downstairs, im gonna kill that cat!!, god u look bad today, did you even comb your hair?! etc..etc..) thanks for the self confidence booster mother. and then my
[ chantelle ] says:
sis...i dunno. she says she feels bad for always leaving me at home while she goes out to the bar w/ candace all the time. but i really dont think she is. she doesnt care about me at all. and one time i was talking to her about something..i told her this long story and shes like "why are us till talking? im not listening!" no one listens to me, fuck. ok, and then my grandpa [on my dads side] is really sick..hes been in the hospital for like 2 or 3 years now this august. he has all this stuff wrong with him alzheimers, etc.. and i sued to go w/ my dad to visit him at the hospital all th etime. but then he had another stroke one day(like 2.5 years ago) and i went one time after and he was soo bad looking and he hasnt been like able to carry a conversation with anyone anymore..b/c he cant talk and when he tries its all mumble jumble..and i dunno ..its really heartbreaking. the last time i saw him was like 2 xmas' ago. and when i went then i wanted to just burst out crying b/c its so sad to see him sitting there in a wheelchair not being able to move around or talk or laugh or any
[ chantelle ] says:
anything. and compare that to him like 3.5 years ago, when he first started getting alzheimers...he'd walk around the kitchen and living room for hours on end at his house...and he was still able to talk and stuff...he even sometimes remembered who iwas. but now i'd be like a complete stranger to him. i dont even want to go the hospital to visit b/c he wont remember me and i can barely even remember him and what he looks like. its so weird tho...the summer before he got sick me and my borther were at his house and he came downstairs and gave my brother the talk about him (as in my g-pa) getting older and death and stuff. and it scares the hell out of me ....that one day hes going to die and im gonna say ..yea...i never knew my grandpa b/c i havent seen him for like 2 years even tho hes right across the street from where i work
[ chantelle ] says:
and i dont want to go see him b/c i knwo im going to cry immediately. i mean, obviously he has probably gotten worse from the last time i saw him and i dont want to see him like that.
that basically sums up why im crying my eyes out right now.
[ chantelle ] says:
one more rant ok
[ chantelle ] says:
family
[ chantelle ] says:
ok, so i havent seen my dad in like a week. theres thsi big whole father-daughter relationship thats completely missing. i barely ever talk to him when he is home...and i dont wanna be not close w/ my dad. fuck, my brother who lives in alberta & sees my family once a year, is closer to my dad than i am. [heh i was always so left out w/e my brother came to visit]. and im not going to be like "hey dad..yea lets go to the mall together" b/c thats totally nto something we'd do. and i dunno. he bitches at me too. actually, most the time we talk is him bitching at me for something... ok and then my mom...all she does is bitch at me and when shes in good moods she drives me crazy so i get mad at her, and then she bitches at me for something completely different. really, every mornign we get into a fight. i have barely seen her this past week either b/c o fwork..but shes always bitching at me for something.. (take ur laundy downstairs, im gonna kill that cat!!, god u look bad today, did you even comb your hair?! etc..etc..) thanks for the self confidence booster mother. and then my
[ chantelle ] says:
sis...i dunno. she says she feels bad for always leaving me at home while she goes out to the bar w/ candace all the time. but i really dont think she is. she doesnt care about me at all. and one time i was talking to her about something..i told her this long story and shes like "why are us till talking? im not listening!" no one listens to me, fuck. ok, and then my grandpa [on my dads side] is really sick..hes been in the hospital for like 2 or 3 years now this august. he has all this stuff wrong with him alzheimers, etc.. and i sued to go w/ my dad to visit him at the hospital all th etime. but then he had another stroke one day(like 2.5 years ago) and i went one time after and he was soo bad looking and he hasnt been like able to carry a conversation with anyone anymore..b/c he cant talk and when he tries its all mumble jumble..and i dunno ..its really heartbreaking. the last time i saw him was like 2 xmas' ago. and when i went then i wanted to just burst out crying b/c its so sad to see him sitting there in a wheelchair not being able to move around or talk or laugh or any
[ chantelle ] says:
anything. and compare that to him like 3.5 years ago, when he first started getting alzheimers...he'd walk around the kitchen and living room for hours on end at his house...and he was still able to talk and stuff...he even sometimes remembered who iwas. but now i'd be like a complete stranger to him. i dont even want to go the hospital to visit b/c he wont remember me and i can barely even remember him and what he looks like. its so weird tho...the summer before he got sick me and my borther were at his house and he came downstairs and gave my brother the talk about him (as in my g-pa) getting older and death and stuff. and it scares the hell out of me ....that one day hes going to die and im gonna say ..yea...i never knew my grandpa b/c i havent seen him for like 2 years even tho hes right across the street from where i work
[ chantelle ] says:
and i dont want to go see him b/c i knwo im going to cry immediately. i mean, obviously he has probably gotten worse from the last time i saw him and i dont want to see him like that.
that basically sums up why im crying my eyes out right now.