I made a fanfic

[imperatorzlarp]

Yay me! Here's a stolen information template:

Title: Sue vs. Stu
Summary: Bella Swan has just decided to leave her mother to live with her father. What will await her in the small town of Forks?

Pairing: ???
Rating: R (Don't think there's anything actually R-rated in there, but I didn't try to avoid it, so...)
Genre: AU Retelling
Words: 2636

Betas: None

Comments

[belenustenebrae]

I was wearing clothes.
AHAHAHA.
I sometimes felt as if I was the only person in the world with real feelings.
“No, I am a vampyr. We are better than vampires. We don’t need to drink blood because we feed off the sunlight.”

YOUR PARODY IS MADE OF EPIC WIN.

[imperatorzlarp]

Yes, it is important to know that she is wearing clothes.

I don't think there's many people out there who have real feelings. *nods*

Vampyrs are so awesome, aren't they?

Epic win indeed. Why parody?

Anyway, glad you liked it ^^

[belenustenebrae]

Parody cause: You took all that was wrong with Twilight and made it so bad it was good. It reminded me of the parts I read of the book, but mocking all that went wrong (thesaurus rape, calling her dad charlie, being emo, ...), and mocking the character. And then thwarting her purpose in the book by not having pale sex (ahah); instead she gets to watch. And she'll never be a vampire.

For me that's parody. Cause basically, it went 'mock mock mockity mock' from start to finish and that's what I loved about it.
It's also AU and a retelling, but for me it's primarily a parodied take on the book.

Am I totally thwarting authorial intention here with my interpretation? :)

[imperatorzlarp]

Of course! I was completely serious when I wrote it! *pout*

[belenustenebrae]

YOU'RE SUCH A BAD LIAR.

[imperatorzlarp]

And now you're calling me a liar?! That does it! I'm so angry now! I actually wrote a sequel to this, but now I shall never publish it in the alls of ever!

[belenustenebrae]

AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH.

STOP TRYING TO PULL A MEYER ON ME. I CAN SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND IT'S MAKING ME CAPSLOCK EVEN HARDER.

AND YOU KNOW YOU'RE SO EASY, that after all your fans get their knickers in a bunch about how some ROYAL IDIOT went and spoiled their fun YOU'RE JUST GOING TO GO AHEAD AND PUBLISH IT ANYWAY, and all that hard work the ROYAL BRILLIANT IDIOT went through would be for nothing.

[imperatorzlarp]

You...you...you... you... *Sniff!* How can you be so meeeeean?!!!

If I published the new story now in this chagrined mindset I would kill off Edward and Bella and worst of all sweet perfect Jack! And nobody wants that!

My fans can go and **** themselves by the way! I don't care about them! I WROTE THIS FOR MYSELF AND NOW YOU MADE BE CAPSLOCK TOO, THOUGH ACTUALLY I'M JUST HOLDING SHIFT SO TECHNICALLY IT'S NOT CAPSLOCK!

[belenustenebrae]

KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLL THEM!!!
KILL THEM ALL!!!

WITH OR WITHOUT SHIFT.

(btw, you're still a whore moneybag for your fans, and you and I both know what happens next.)

[imperatorzlarp]

Nothing happens next because I am swimming in the sea of anguish and despairdom!

I shall not kill off any characters just because of you because THEY ARE ME! SO THAT MEANS I WILL NEVER PUBLISH THE SEQUEL! NEVEEEEER!

[belenustenebrae]

My lines are all squishing up, ahah.

Your caplocks angst has me rubbing my hands in glee.
YOUR FANS ARE DYING OUT THERE, PSEUDO-MEYER. GO AND SAAAAAVE THEM WITH YOUR PERFECT, PALE, MYSTERIOUS, BEAUTIFUL THESAURUS-RAPED OF A TWISTED LOVE STORY.

[imperatorzlarp]

*ignores all the complaints and goes to write crappy sci-fi instead*

[moeshas]

You guys are just soooooooooo weird! *shakes head* I actually feel sorry for you... tststs