On Coping and Loss...
Since my father's passing, I fear that my apparent lack of grief is indicative of my cold, emotionless nature. As my family weeps around me, I feel calm and peaceful. I know that my father is in a better place, far beyond pain, suffering, and the pettiness of others. I believed there was something wrong with me for not feeling utterly destroyed. Sometimes I even forget he is gone. Not one day has passed where I haven't thought: "I should call dad," or "I can't wait to tell dad about ______."
Right now I am sad, and I do miss my father dearly, but he would not want to see me giving up and hiding just because he died. Rather, he would want me to do everything in my power to be the best man I can be.
Tonight, while talking to an old friend, I realized why I do not appear to be grieving. It seems so simple now, but realizations such as this only come with time. Rather than wasting my time being depressed, I am using my grief to fuel good deeds for family and friends. I am sad, but I talk to my father all the time, and I ask him how I'm doing. You see, ina sense, I am my father. I'm taking over the emotional and instrumental needs of loved ones just like my father used to. By continuing to live my life the way my father lived his life, I am continuing his legacy. Just like how religion is supposed to provide guidance through words and these words are supposed to inspire actions, I am living my father's life, rather than just providing a eulogy and then going back to the way I lived before he died. So I realized that I AM grieving, but I call it positive grieving--using the grief to better the lives of others, following in my father's footsteps and living my life in the name of my father.
The application of this new point of view will help me to grow as a man, and as a person. I will walk in my fathers footsteps, and should I falter, his spirit will be there to guide me.
Right now I am sad, and I do miss my father dearly, but he would not want to see me giving up and hiding just because he died. Rather, he would want me to do everything in my power to be the best man I can be.
Tonight, while talking to an old friend, I realized why I do not appear to be grieving. It seems so simple now, but realizations such as this only come with time. Rather than wasting my time being depressed, I am using my grief to fuel good deeds for family and friends. I am sad, but I talk to my father all the time, and I ask him how I'm doing. You see, ina sense, I am my father. I'm taking over the emotional and instrumental needs of loved ones just like my father used to. By continuing to live my life the way my father lived his life, I am continuing his legacy. Just like how religion is supposed to provide guidance through words and these words are supposed to inspire actions, I am living my father's life, rather than just providing a eulogy and then going back to the way I lived before he died. So I realized that I AM grieving, but I call it positive grieving--using the grief to better the lives of others, following in my father's footsteps and living my life in the name of my father.
The application of this new point of view will help me to grow as a man, and as a person. I will walk in my fathers footsteps, and should I falter, his spirit will be there to guide me.