A treatise on chain smoking and self-reflection at 5am.
The sun will soon be beating down on what I hope will be my prone passed out body. Lately - between the heat and the social apathy - I have found myself listening out of my window. Quite literally spending an hour or more in the middle of the night sitting up in bed in the dark soaking up the ambient noise around me. Boring to some for sure but for me I find it to be therapeutic.
I have always been in love with the dark. Not quiet nights in the country away from the city lights sort of dark either. The back of your hall closet dark. The sort of blackness where a single lit cigarette is almost unbearably bright. Horror movie darkness. I can sit and stare into this dank void for hours.
Standing under a broken street light at 4am is like recharging my emotional batteries. The shadows speak to me and whisper their secrets to me. I probably know more about my neighborhoods private lives than anyone else. It is an honor that you can share your wife beating with me. It is a privilege to know that you have your alarm set for 4:30 am even though you have never turned it off before 5:00. I can sympathize. Sometimes it takes me a while to wake up too - of course thats dependent upon me having gone to sleep.
I watched American Beauty with Ann early early this morning. That movie always leaves me dazed. Watching it leaves me feeling like I just got steamrolled by a giant nerf ball. It was lovely spending some time alone with her although I really wish she had decided to spend the night after my retardedness last night - those that want to know can aim me or ask me about that later as now is not a humorous moment. And my idiocy is generally pure comedy.
We make such a lovely desperate pair.
These past few weeks she has never been far from my thoughts. Strangely enough such thoughts have been my ticket into the world of sleep. Screw Ambien, the smell of vanilla soap and not-quite-dirty hair seem to be a better alternative anyways.
On an unrelated parting note I am going to be buying my tickets to Ministry - Thrill Kill Kult & Hanzel Und Gretyl for Saturday the 25th of September. Anyone who wants to join me is more than welcome to come and damage their eardrums and bludgeon their bodies. This means you Mike. In particular of course.
I have always been in love with the dark. Not quiet nights in the country away from the city lights sort of dark either. The back of your hall closet dark. The sort of blackness where a single lit cigarette is almost unbearably bright. Horror movie darkness. I can sit and stare into this dank void for hours.
Standing under a broken street light at 4am is like recharging my emotional batteries. The shadows speak to me and whisper their secrets to me. I probably know more about my neighborhoods private lives than anyone else. It is an honor that you can share your wife beating with me. It is a privilege to know that you have your alarm set for 4:30 am even though you have never turned it off before 5:00. I can sympathize. Sometimes it takes me a while to wake up too - of course thats dependent upon me having gone to sleep.
I watched American Beauty with Ann early early this morning. That movie always leaves me dazed. Watching it leaves me feeling like I just got steamrolled by a giant nerf ball. It was lovely spending some time alone with her although I really wish she had decided to spend the night after my retardedness last night - those that want to know can aim me or ask me about that later as now is not a humorous moment. And my idiocy is generally pure comedy.
We make such a lovely desperate pair.
These past few weeks she has never been far from my thoughts. Strangely enough such thoughts have been my ticket into the world of sleep. Screw Ambien, the smell of vanilla soap and not-quite-dirty hair seem to be a better alternative anyways.
On an unrelated parting note I am going to be buying my tickets to Ministry - Thrill Kill Kult & Hanzel Und Gretyl for Saturday the 25th of September. Anyone who wants to join me is more than welcome to come and damage their eardrums and bludgeon their bodies. This means you Mike. In particular of course.