Fic: Personal Ads, Answered!
Title: Personal Ads, Answered!
Summary: Gideon gets some odd letters one fine morning. Set during Auror Training. Based on the Smarmy Society entry "Single Wizard Male Seeks Reflective Surface," also written by me.
Characters/Pairings: Gideon Prewett, Fabian Prewett/Trollop
Genre: Humor
Rating/Warnings: PG-13 for ~*~innuendo~*~ and things related to it.
Medium: Fic
Word Count: 1109 (WUT)
Notes: Many MANY MANY thanks to brownstudies for reviving my Prewett muse! This is what came of it!
The Actual personal ad:
Single Wizard Male Seeks Reflective Surface
I love myself. I truly do. It may be the way my hair catches the sun or the way my teeth have an inner light that makes my smile brighten any room. I am a man of impeccable taste and ridiculous beauty.
But I am alone.
And when alone, there is nothing that can remind me of my beauty. This is why I seek out a Reflective Surface. Not too small, I need to be able to see my whole face, but not too large that I cannot carry it with me.
But being able to carry around the constant reminder of my wonderment is what I really really need. Will anyone answer my urgent plea?
Burdened by Handsomeness
Gideon Prewett always imagined that the life of a training Auror would be full of danger, the occasional misstep and full of women impressed with the dangerous line of work. How very wrong he was. Auror training was full of dreadfully boring theoretical classes in the morning coupled with intense physical training in the afternoons leaving weekends for studying and relaxing of sore muscles.
'Unless,' Gideon thinks sourly as he stretches out on his bed one Saturday morning, 'you're my brother.' Fabian somehow, despite being exactly similar in appearance, manages to go to pubs, score with the ladies and still get decent marks on exams.
"That's the last time I ever let him copy my homework." He says, searching for an old t-shirt and his running shoes. Ready for his morning run, he heads out of his room and runs into a very flustered girl. He lets her out the door and rolls his eyes, "Right."
When he returns home, he is greeted by a newspaper to the head. "What the hell, Fabian?" Gideon looks at his brother with annoyance.
"What? You're always complaining about how you never get to read the paper first." Fabian shrugs as he pours himself some tea. "Your Protein Bonanza breakfast is ready too."
"Unlike you, I actually take all of this Auror stuff seriously." Gideon replies looking at Fabian over the top of the newspaper. "So you know, I have to eat well to train well."
Fabian rolls his eyes. "Spare me the lecture, dull boy. Also, mail." He shoves a pile of envelopes Gideon's way and sets a plate heaping with eggs and bacon in the middle of their tiny breakfast table.
"So, what was her name?" Gideon asks.
"Who?"
"I dunno, she was tallish, brown hair, ran out of here when I left for my run." Gideon smirks and sets the paper down to go through the mail. "We didn't do much talking."
"Funny, neither did we." Fabian says with a cocky grin and pokes at his breakfast. "Gid, really, come out with us next weekend. We'll be done with exams for a while, I'll even change up my face so all the ladies flock to you."
"Are you saying that because you did something horrible last night at whatever bar you were at and that I'll get drinks spilled on me?" Gideon asks.
"Okay, that was a one time thing. I'm really sorry. I didn't think she'd show up again-"
Gideon laughs, "Whatever, yeah I'll think about it." He opens an envelope and immediately makes a face. Fabian shoves a forkful of eggs into his mouth. "Fabian, listen to this:
'Dear Burdened By Handsomeness,
My brothers always told me that the sheen on my face could reflect an entire forest. I don't talk much and I'm barely over five feet, which fits your size requirement. I think we'd get on well, especially if you're as handsome as you say.
Rosa of Hull.'"
Fabian puts on his best surprised look and says "Sounds like the nutters fancy you."
"Er... but why address me as 'Burdened by Handsomeness'? It sounds like I was in a personal ad or something." Gideon answers.
"Personal ad?" Fabian asks, his voice a little higher than usual. "Why would a Prewett ever write a personal ad?"
Gideon doesn't answer and is busy reading another letter. He is about to comment on his brother's attempt to be casual. Fabian Prewett trying to be casual is ungainly and impossible, his attempts at being casual are like stuffing an elephant into an envelope. Impossible. He instead is distracted by his current letter. "Shut up, Fabian."
"Oh, delayed reaction. Very smart." Fabian snorts into his breakfast. He jumps when Gideon falls out of his chair, arms flailing as he hits the floor. A photograph lies
"What? WHAT IS THIS PICTURE OF? IS THIS A PERSON? I-" He slaps a hand to his forehead. "I lost my appetite."
"You? Lose your appe-" Fabian leans over to glance at the picture "WHAT?"
"I KNOW." Gideon yells. He reaches, with great effort and his eyes closed, for the rest of his mail. "Fabian. They're all like this. They all address some twat called 'Burdened by Handsome' and they're all sad women, oh hang on I think this one's a bloke, but they're all talking about how they can transfigure themselves into a mirror-"
"How'd they transfigure back?" Fabian asks, completely missing the main point of Gideon's rant. "I mean really, they'd have no arms, I suppose you could non verbally, but transfiguration almost always requires a wand-"
"'I loved your ad, it was so fun and refreshing. I'm not a reflective surface, but I do admire a man with a sense of humour.'" Gideon reads out loud. He looks at all of the different letters, not noticing that Fabian is doubled over with laughter. "Fabian? Fabian."
Fabian freezes. "Er... yes brother?"
"I'm going to kill you." Gideon lunges forward and within two minutes, two fully grown men have regressed and wrestle. "What. Did. You. Say?"
Fabian struggles to get out of Gideon's headlock. "I didn't say anything!"
"You're a horrible liar." Gideon says, letting go of his brother.
Fabian pushes him into the wall. "Also you suck at fighting. Headlocks? What are we, nine?"
"Please, I can take you easily, I just didn't want to actually kill you." Gideon says, rubbing his shoulder. "Seriously, you wrote into the Prophet with a personal ad? Are you high? Were you drunk when you did it? Was it Frank's idea?"
"Oh why do all the good ideas go to Frank?" Fabian asks making a face. He heads into the living room and searches the pile of old papers. He opens one to the personals page and hands it to Gideon. "There, read it and relish in my genius."
"'Single Wizard Male Seeks Reflective Surface?'"
"Read on." Fabian grins as he sees Gideon's face change from annoyance to amusement.
"This would have been brilliant, you know, if you didn't have my name associated with it." Gideon says finally.
"But you do like it, think it's clever et cetera et cetera, you weren't the one to receive all the brains in the womb?" Fabian asks.
Gideon tosses the newspaper at him. "Oh, it's well done and all, but you forget, I was the one who orchestrated our seventh year prank."
Fabian shrugs, "So?"
"Just watch your back when we go out this weekend." Gideon says nonchalantly as he heads back to the kitchen. Fabian stands in the middle of the living room trying to think of all of the things Gideon could do to him when they go out to the pub with their friends. "OH MERLIN." Gideon yells. "No, it's okay, everything's okay! I just stared at the picture, Fabian. Burnt it... eyes everywhere are safe."
Summary: Gideon gets some odd letters one fine morning. Set during Auror Training. Based on the Smarmy Society entry "Single Wizard Male Seeks Reflective Surface," also written by me.
Characters/Pairings: Gideon Prewett, Fabian Prewett/Trollop
Genre: Humor
Rating/Warnings: PG-13 for ~*~innuendo~*~ and things related to it.
Medium: Fic
Word Count: 1109 (WUT)
Notes: Many MANY MANY thanks to brownstudies for reviving my Prewett muse! This is what came of it!
The Actual personal ad:
Single Wizard Male Seeks Reflective Surface
I love myself. I truly do. It may be the way my hair catches the sun or the way my teeth have an inner light that makes my smile brighten any room. I am a man of impeccable taste and ridiculous beauty.
But I am alone.
And when alone, there is nothing that can remind me of my beauty. This is why I seek out a Reflective Surface. Not too small, I need to be able to see my whole face, but not too large that I cannot carry it with me.
But being able to carry around the constant reminder of my wonderment is what I really really need. Will anyone answer my urgent plea?
Burdened by Handsomeness
Gideon Prewett always imagined that the life of a training Auror would be full of danger, the occasional misstep and full of women impressed with the dangerous line of work. How very wrong he was. Auror training was full of dreadfully boring theoretical classes in the morning coupled with intense physical training in the afternoons leaving weekends for studying and relaxing of sore muscles.
'Unless,' Gideon thinks sourly as he stretches out on his bed one Saturday morning, 'you're my brother.' Fabian somehow, despite being exactly similar in appearance, manages to go to pubs, score with the ladies and still get decent marks on exams.
"That's the last time I ever let him copy my homework." He says, searching for an old t-shirt and his running shoes. Ready for his morning run, he heads out of his room and runs into a very flustered girl. He lets her out the door and rolls his eyes, "Right."
When he returns home, he is greeted by a newspaper to the head. "What the hell, Fabian?" Gideon looks at his brother with annoyance.
"What? You're always complaining about how you never get to read the paper first." Fabian shrugs as he pours himself some tea. "Your Protein Bonanza breakfast is ready too."
"Unlike you, I actually take all of this Auror stuff seriously." Gideon replies looking at Fabian over the top of the newspaper. "So you know, I have to eat well to train well."
Fabian rolls his eyes. "Spare me the lecture, dull boy. Also, mail." He shoves a pile of envelopes Gideon's way and sets a plate heaping with eggs and bacon in the middle of their tiny breakfast table.
"So, what was her name?" Gideon asks.
"Who?"
"I dunno, she was tallish, brown hair, ran out of here when I left for my run." Gideon smirks and sets the paper down to go through the mail. "We didn't do much talking."
"Funny, neither did we." Fabian says with a cocky grin and pokes at his breakfast. "Gid, really, come out with us next weekend. We'll be done with exams for a while, I'll even change up my face so all the ladies flock to you."
"Are you saying that because you did something horrible last night at whatever bar you were at and that I'll get drinks spilled on me?" Gideon asks.
"Okay, that was a one time thing. I'm really sorry. I didn't think she'd show up again-"
Gideon laughs, "Whatever, yeah I'll think about it." He opens an envelope and immediately makes a face. Fabian shoves a forkful of eggs into his mouth. "Fabian, listen to this:
'Dear Burdened By Handsomeness,
My brothers always told me that the sheen on my face could reflect an entire forest. I don't talk much and I'm barely over five feet, which fits your size requirement. I think we'd get on well, especially if you're as handsome as you say.
Rosa of Hull.'"
Fabian puts on his best surprised look and says "Sounds like the nutters fancy you."
"Er... but why address me as 'Burdened by Handsomeness'? It sounds like I was in a personal ad or something." Gideon answers.
"Personal ad?" Fabian asks, his voice a little higher than usual. "Why would a Prewett ever write a personal ad?"
Gideon doesn't answer and is busy reading another letter. He is about to comment on his brother's attempt to be casual. Fabian Prewett trying to be casual is ungainly and impossible, his attempts at being casual are like stuffing an elephant into an envelope. Impossible. He instead is distracted by his current letter. "Shut up, Fabian."
"Oh, delayed reaction. Very smart." Fabian snorts into his breakfast. He jumps when Gideon falls out of his chair, arms flailing as he hits the floor. A photograph lies
"What? WHAT IS THIS PICTURE OF? IS THIS A PERSON? I-" He slaps a hand to his forehead. "I lost my appetite."
"You? Lose your appe-" Fabian leans over to glance at the picture "WHAT?"
"I KNOW." Gideon yells. He reaches, with great effort and his eyes closed, for the rest of his mail. "Fabian. They're all like this. They all address some twat called 'Burdened by Handsome' and they're all sad women, oh hang on I think this one's a bloke, but they're all talking about how they can transfigure themselves into a mirror-"
"How'd they transfigure back?" Fabian asks, completely missing the main point of Gideon's rant. "I mean really, they'd have no arms, I suppose you could non verbally, but transfiguration almost always requires a wand-"
"'I loved your ad, it was so fun and refreshing. I'm not a reflective surface, but I do admire a man with a sense of humour.'" Gideon reads out loud. He looks at all of the different letters, not noticing that Fabian is doubled over with laughter. "Fabian? Fabian."
Fabian freezes. "Er... yes brother?"
"I'm going to kill you." Gideon lunges forward and within two minutes, two fully grown men have regressed and wrestle. "What. Did. You. Say?"
Fabian struggles to get out of Gideon's headlock. "I didn't say anything!"
"You're a horrible liar." Gideon says, letting go of his brother.
Fabian pushes him into the wall. "Also you suck at fighting. Headlocks? What are we, nine?"
"Please, I can take you easily, I just didn't want to actually kill you." Gideon says, rubbing his shoulder. "Seriously, you wrote into the Prophet with a personal ad? Are you high? Were you drunk when you did it? Was it Frank's idea?"
"Oh why do all the good ideas go to Frank?" Fabian asks making a face. He heads into the living room and searches the pile of old papers. He opens one to the personals page and hands it to Gideon. "There, read it and relish in my genius."
"'Single Wizard Male Seeks Reflective Surface?'"
"Read on." Fabian grins as he sees Gideon's face change from annoyance to amusement.
"This would have been brilliant, you know, if you didn't have my name associated with it." Gideon says finally.
"But you do like it, think it's clever et cetera et cetera, you weren't the one to receive all the brains in the womb?" Fabian asks.
Gideon tosses the newspaper at him. "Oh, it's well done and all, but you forget, I was the one who orchestrated our seventh year prank."
Fabian shrugs, "So?"
"Just watch your back when we go out this weekend." Gideon says nonchalantly as he heads back to the kitchen. Fabian stands in the middle of the living room trying to think of all of the things Gideon could do to him when they go out to the pub with their friends. "OH MERLIN." Gideon yells. "No, it's okay, everything's okay! I just stared at the picture, Fabian. Burnt it... eyes everywhere are safe."