Felt Human
Hey everyone I know I have been seriously lax in keeping up with this. I really feel I need to start writing again as it clears my head and makes my soul feel better. So here is a quick run down of one of the feelings I had today that made me feel human again.
I had a doctors appointment and I needed to get an echo done on my heart. For those of you who don't know what this is it is basically a sonogram done to check certain things in your heart. The lady that did this today was so nice, I mean like beyond nice. I was laying on my left side and had the "goop" on my chest and she was reading it, sitting on the small of my back and we just were chatting and talking about life and such. I sort of started to daydream and think back to better days. I was shocked at how a single touch of someone can bring back so many good memories of better days. I had to roll onto my back and I was very close to the edge and she jokingly said, "Don't worry I won't let you fall off.", and then touched my arm in a gentle manner. I know it sounds odd but I actually felt like someone cared at that moment, I felt like I wasn't just existing anymore, no matter how brief of a moment, I was alive, and I was human again.
For so long now I have realized my fate and my future and what it will bring. I know how things will turn out, for I have seen it first hand and I have contemplated on how I can take control of the end. This isn't a sad story and this isn't meant to be sad, I just wanted to write about the one brief moment when I lived again and at how absolutely wonderful life really is. With all the bad there are just milliseconds of total beauty and wonder, and that makes life so perfect and worth it no matter how bad.
I had a doctors appointment and I needed to get an echo done on my heart. For those of you who don't know what this is it is basically a sonogram done to check certain things in your heart. The lady that did this today was so nice, I mean like beyond nice. I was laying on my left side and had the "goop" on my chest and she was reading it, sitting on the small of my back and we just were chatting and talking about life and such. I sort of started to daydream and think back to better days. I was shocked at how a single touch of someone can bring back so many good memories of better days. I had to roll onto my back and I was very close to the edge and she jokingly said, "Don't worry I won't let you fall off.", and then touched my arm in a gentle manner. I know it sounds odd but I actually felt like someone cared at that moment, I felt like I wasn't just existing anymore, no matter how brief of a moment, I was alive, and I was human again.
For so long now I have realized my fate and my future and what it will bring. I know how things will turn out, for I have seen it first hand and I have contemplated on how I can take control of the end. This isn't a sad story and this isn't meant to be sad, I just wanted to write about the one brief moment when I lived again and at how absolutely wonderful life really is. With all the bad there are just milliseconds of total beauty and wonder, and that makes life so perfect and worth it no matter how bad.