i cant stop playing the scratched record
i dont understand how i can do absolutely nothing and yet still without choice be involved all the time.
as much as i have heart, care, love, and concern for you people, at the the same time i cant help but feel sorry that i ever met you. honestly i couldnt tell you at this point if i thought this all was for the best or worse of me. ive been twisted and pulled so many times now it almost doesnt even phase me. im juss so irritated at the fact that its a never ending story. will any of this nonsense work itself out? will this soon be all over for the first time? all i can feel at this point is a drop of hope still left on my tongue. my heart still is racing. treading for the same warmth of "its now completely lost in the existence of our minds". please all be over soon so my heart may finally callus over its blisters of so long ago. break open my spirit and allow pure humility to pour out. sometimes i wish i was there or was able to see a glimpse of everything. not because i dont believe either of you, i just think it would settle the pinch of doubt and discomfort i still feel inside of me. at the same time.... i dont because i dont want my doubts to be proven and my heart to be shattered by the untruthful one. by all means i am not calling anyone of you liars, its just a hint of the mindset "see it and believe it". i know, no matter what you say, that you understand at some end of the extreme. i dont just have a choice 'A', but rather a choice 'A' or 'B'. i would chose both if at one point they meshed well and made sense, but the problem is the fact that they dont.
as much as i have heart, care, love, and concern for you people, at the the same time i cant help but feel sorry that i ever met you. honestly i couldnt tell you at this point if i thought this all was for the best or worse of me. ive been twisted and pulled so many times now it almost doesnt even phase me. im juss so irritated at the fact that its a never ending story. will any of this nonsense work itself out? will this soon be all over for the first time? all i can feel at this point is a drop of hope still left on my tongue. my heart still is racing. treading for the same warmth of "its now completely lost in the existence of our minds". please all be over soon so my heart may finally callus over its blisters of so long ago. break open my spirit and allow pure humility to pour out. sometimes i wish i was there or was able to see a glimpse of everything. not because i dont believe either of you, i just think it would settle the pinch of doubt and discomfort i still feel inside of me. at the same time.... i dont because i dont want my doubts to be proven and my heart to be shattered by the untruthful one. by all means i am not calling anyone of you liars, its just a hint of the mindset "see it and believe it". i know, no matter what you say, that you understand at some end of the extreme. i dont just have a choice 'A', but rather a choice 'A' or 'B'. i would chose both if at one point they meshed well and made sense, but the problem is the fact that they dont.