(no subject)
its killing me , knowing that we arent together anymore
knowing that ive spent most of this year with him
my senior year i was on cloud 9 for most of it bc i had this amazing guy who loved me more then life its self
but then things started to happen
and then more things
and the happiness and smiles became tears and frowns
still there were a few days far n between that were good and we laughed and had fun
we stook by each others side
but then one night he made a bad choice
one that would cost him so much in the end
he lied to me about exactly what happened
and i had to find out other ways
i told him i wasnt gonna do this and htat i couldnt be with him
i was surrounded by friends when this happened
krystal aerin rodney and nathan
he tried to justify himself saying it could have been worse, but my mind was made up, this was the last button i was gonna let him push
and before i hung up on him
my words were.
if i wasnt pretty enough or good enough or if i wasnt skinny if i wasnt what u wanted thats fine, but i cant do this anymore.. and maybe im none ofthose things but it doesnt matter anymore
he text me and texted me
my phone rang 48 times that night from him but each time i hit ignore
it killed me
every time i pushed that button its ike i was stabbing myself again and again
i talked to the girl that night. and she cleared up exactly what happened
and telling me she was sorry and that hes trying to make it look like her fault
shes reporting him, which i think she should, bc its nothing less of assualt
but to know the man i wanted to marry, the man i was engaged to, could turn out like this
to some they said it didnt surprise them,, people hes known for a long time
how could i be so blind
i knew thins were getting bad between us but i didnt know they wouild hit this level
so its done with and its over
hes tried to get me to come back to him
and even using prom against me saying he would go if we were together i told him no...if anything hed be just a date and no strings attached
i gave everything to this boy and in return i got hurt worse then i ever thought possible
and now i sit here and think what am i going to do
i skipped school today bc i couldnt sleep i didnt wanna be around people
and i spent the entire day yesterday crying
i know hes miserable but he deserves this and he knows he does
but i wont take him back, i cant, i wont allow myself to.
who knew something so innocent could turn so deathly in a spirit way
he pulled me away from family and friends and more importantly he pulled me away from god. ive come to decide i dont know myself anymore. and im disgusted with what ive done and what ive become.
i hate the fact i had sex with him i hate the fact i let him touch me.
and even more so i hate the fact he touched me after what he did to her
how could he... im so disgusted
and the fact of what if i am.. what if...
theres so much going on in my head and i cant write it all out i dont even wanna think it all
the bottom line is the man ive spent so long with is now erased
hes erased me from nearly everything but his mind and im sure he will work on that too
he says it hurts to much to talk to me but the thing is it hurts to much to talk to him as well
i feel destroyed stabbed in the back and incomplete
im gonna miss walkig in my room and him not being there
picking up the phone
and hearing his voice
feelings his strong arms wrap around me, kissing me hugging me, holding my hand
but i wont miss his selfish ways, his baby shit. his whiney crap... the way he acts gay, the way he walks and talks.. the way he wears his socks, the way he wears his pants... those stupid pants that he does wear
i wont miss that stuff. i wont miss the weird way he smells sometimes
or the way he gigles like a girl.
but in sense maybe thats exactly what ill miss
i wont hear i love you
i wont feel i have someone to talk to
he knew everything about me, from the way i talked walked thought
he knew my secrets he knew my dreams my fears my hopes
and yet with one night he threw it all away
and im left here in awww
with no words to make up for what hes done
what hes destroyed
now im moving on, and ive decided im transfering out to bowling green
i need to be far away from him.. bc i couldnt sand seein him everyday... walking past his room everyday.
im packing up all his things and giving them to him here soon
saying bye to his ring, and all the stuff that reminds me of him
taking his pictures down
forgetting the memories
pushing away christmas
or the park
everything.. its all gotta go or im gonna drive myself bad
i thought i could never love like this again since nick... but i have and its tearing me apart at the moment.
all i wanna do is fall in the arms of someone and cry... let it all go. but i keep insisting that i keep it all in... with a littlle tear here and there
and now my fingers hurt
my head hurts and im tired of writing
tired of making myself think of all of this
knowing that ive spent most of this year with him
my senior year i was on cloud 9 for most of it bc i had this amazing guy who loved me more then life its self
but then things started to happen
and then more things
and the happiness and smiles became tears and frowns
still there were a few days far n between that were good and we laughed and had fun
we stook by each others side
but then one night he made a bad choice
one that would cost him so much in the end
he lied to me about exactly what happened
and i had to find out other ways
i told him i wasnt gonna do this and htat i couldnt be with him
i was surrounded by friends when this happened
krystal aerin rodney and nathan
he tried to justify himself saying it could have been worse, but my mind was made up, this was the last button i was gonna let him push
and before i hung up on him
my words were.
if i wasnt pretty enough or good enough or if i wasnt skinny if i wasnt what u wanted thats fine, but i cant do this anymore.. and maybe im none ofthose things but it doesnt matter anymore
he text me and texted me
my phone rang 48 times that night from him but each time i hit ignore
it killed me
every time i pushed that button its ike i was stabbing myself again and again
i talked to the girl that night. and she cleared up exactly what happened
and telling me she was sorry and that hes trying to make it look like her fault
shes reporting him, which i think she should, bc its nothing less of assualt
but to know the man i wanted to marry, the man i was engaged to, could turn out like this
to some they said it didnt surprise them,, people hes known for a long time
how could i be so blind
i knew thins were getting bad between us but i didnt know they wouild hit this level
so its done with and its over
hes tried to get me to come back to him
and even using prom against me saying he would go if we were together i told him no...if anything hed be just a date and no strings attached
i gave everything to this boy and in return i got hurt worse then i ever thought possible
and now i sit here and think what am i going to do
i skipped school today bc i couldnt sleep i didnt wanna be around people
and i spent the entire day yesterday crying
i know hes miserable but he deserves this and he knows he does
but i wont take him back, i cant, i wont allow myself to.
who knew something so innocent could turn so deathly in a spirit way
he pulled me away from family and friends and more importantly he pulled me away from god. ive come to decide i dont know myself anymore. and im disgusted with what ive done and what ive become.
i hate the fact i had sex with him i hate the fact i let him touch me.
and even more so i hate the fact he touched me after what he did to her
how could he... im so disgusted
and the fact of what if i am.. what if...
theres so much going on in my head and i cant write it all out i dont even wanna think it all
the bottom line is the man ive spent so long with is now erased
hes erased me from nearly everything but his mind and im sure he will work on that too
he says it hurts to much to talk to me but the thing is it hurts to much to talk to him as well
i feel destroyed stabbed in the back and incomplete
im gonna miss walkig in my room and him not being there
picking up the phone
and hearing his voice
feelings his strong arms wrap around me, kissing me hugging me, holding my hand
but i wont miss his selfish ways, his baby shit. his whiney crap... the way he acts gay, the way he walks and talks.. the way he wears his socks, the way he wears his pants... those stupid pants that he does wear
i wont miss that stuff. i wont miss the weird way he smells sometimes
or the way he gigles like a girl.
but in sense maybe thats exactly what ill miss
i wont hear i love you
i wont feel i have someone to talk to
he knew everything about me, from the way i talked walked thought
he knew my secrets he knew my dreams my fears my hopes
and yet with one night he threw it all away
and im left here in awww
with no words to make up for what hes done
what hes destroyed
now im moving on, and ive decided im transfering out to bowling green
i need to be far away from him.. bc i couldnt sand seein him everyday... walking past his room everyday.
im packing up all his things and giving them to him here soon
saying bye to his ring, and all the stuff that reminds me of him
taking his pictures down
forgetting the memories
pushing away christmas
or the park
everything.. its all gotta go or im gonna drive myself bad
i thought i could never love like this again since nick... but i have and its tearing me apart at the moment.
all i wanna do is fall in the arms of someone and cry... let it all go. but i keep insisting that i keep it all in... with a littlle tear here and there
and now my fingers hurt
my head hurts and im tired of writing
tired of making myself think of all of this