Crap is a load of books
1. If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth. J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the
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"I can't agree, my dear fellow," said the Molester. "Danger is what keeps us on our toes. Danger keeps us safe. The way to live a long time is to live dangerously."
"The Molester is right," I said, slightly pompously. "Negotiating danger is much safer than trying to eradicate it. No matter how hard we try, there will never be a world without danger. Better, then, to face it, and, by constant exposure, to come to know danger like a friend."
The Molester nodded. "It's safety that's truly dangerous," he said. "I hate safety. It's for sheep," he said, nodding at a passing flock.
"Are you telling me those sheep out there are in danger?" asked the Murderer. "Is there danger in numbers?"
"If there were," replied the Molester, "those sheep would be safe. No, there's safety in numbers, and that's what's so dangerous."
The Murderer looked perplexed.
"So if I introduced danger to those sheep in the form of a fox or a wolf, I would be helping keep them safe?"
"You would be doing them a great service," said the Molester.
I nodded. "You would be introducing the very essence of safety into their midst," I said.
"But if living dangerously helps you live a long time because it keeps you safe," said the Murderer, "we're back to my original proposition: that the way to live a long time is to stay safe."
"Yes," said the Molester.
"Exactly," I confirmed.
"But that's just what I started by saying," spluttered the Murderer. "And you both disagreed!"
"We only disagreed because there wasn't enough danger in your definition of safety," said the Molester.
"But I didn't offer any definition of safety at all!" the Murderer protested. "How can you disagree with a non-stated definition?"
"On the contrary," said the Molester, "how can you agree with a non-stated definition?"
The Murderer sighed.
"You clearly implied," I said, "that safety is good because it's safe. And we disagreed because we believe that safety is good because it's dangerous."
"Precisely," said the Molester. "We disagreed because we believe that danger is good because it's safe."
"But that means you're saying that safety must be good because it's safe!" said the Murderer.
"That doesn't follow at all," said the Molester.
"Quite," I agreed. "That kind of thinking is, in fact, highly dangerous."
"So it must be safe!" shouted the Murderer.
"Tickets, please!" said the ticket inspector, a pale young girl.
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Wait, that's me!
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New taboos are constantly being created. Robert Hughes pinned one mechanism for this -- PC -- when he said: "It used to be that you could say girl but you couldn't say fuck. Now you can say fuck but you can't say girl."
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You're obviously not British. We all have bad teeth, drink lots of tea, and call each other "darling" and "luv" in the sweetie shop.
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