Fic: But Not Enough For Me (2/2)
Title: But Not Enough For Me (2/2)
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Kurt/Blaine
Spoilers (if any): General events of season two, some for Special Education, though it's AU so not much directly relating to episodes.
Word Count: Complete 10358, this part 4613
Summary: There were three facts that Kurt knew about Blaine Anderson. He was gorgeous, he sang like a dream, and he was very much in love with one Rachel Berry. AU season 2.
Author’s Note (if any): This is an AU from including 2x06, it’s playing a bit with which parts of canon I use or don’t, and it’s not the least bit Christmas related. Also, the first thing I’ve written for Glee, which means I don’t have a lot of experience with the characters voices. Also, it was written over a short span of time, so I’m not quite sure I’ve actually gotten said voices right. Also, the first thing I'm posting on LJ. Excitement! Anyway, enjoy (hopefully). Inspiration and possibly title will become clear.
Part 1: http://imogen-lefay.livejournal.com/584.html
***
Maybe it could have gone on like that forever - Kurt pining for Blaine pining for Rachel pining for Finn - but of course it had to escalate at some point, in this case that horrible disaster of a party Rachel organized. Well, technically it had been Puck’s fault, after all the alcohol had been his idea. And maybe things had been better on Kurt if he hadn’t tried to stay as sober as possible. But then again, could he be blamed for being slightly surprised to see Blaine of all people at a New Directions party?
At that point, Kurt was positive that he had fallen in love pretty bad, and actually the idea of just having a party and drinking until he didn’t remember stupid, gorgeous, Rachel-loving Blaine sounded really good. Too bad that by the time Kurt arrived with Mercedes, Blaine was already sitting on one of the couches, a wine cooler in his hand and chatting with Rachel.
“What is he doing here?” Kurt blurted out before he could think about it.
Both Rachel and Blaine looked up - and seriously, how on earth could Blain ever think of them being a couple if they looked like freaking twins half the time? - and for a second Kurt thought he’d seen a flash of hurt on Blaine’s face, but if it had been there it disappeared within seconds.
“It was an accident, he found out about the party and blackmailed me into letting him come.” Rachel explained. “But you can just ignore him, maybe that will make him leave?”
“No, it won’t.” Blaine said quickly.
“I wasn’t planning on ignoring him.” Kurt said. He nearly cursed himself for being so obvious again, but Blaine shot him a quick smile and suddenly it seemed like a pretty good idea.
“You blackmailed her into letting you come? Damn, I think I underestimated you, warbler boy.” Mercedes said laughing. “Are you gonna share whatever you have on her?”
“Sorry,” Blaine said grinning, “but I might need it again. Besides, I was here anyway. I really don’t see what the big deal is if I’m at her party. I’m not here as a warbler. I’m not even wearing the uniform.”
Which, as Kurt had to admit, was quite a big deal since he’d never seen Blaine out of uniform before. And he certainly wasn’t complaining.
Of course, this changed his plans for the party to “definitely not getting drunk in front of Blaine - unless you see him make out with Rachel, in that case drown your brain in vodka”. Blaine on the other hand apparently had the plan “drink yourself insane and try to bond with New Directions”. Only two hours later, Blaine was nearly hanging off Kurt’s shoulder babbling something about this being the best party ever and how boring the parties at Dalton were in comparison.
“Your eyes are really pretty like that…” Blaine muttered after Kurt had to catch him to stop him from falling over. “And your hair looks like so great in that light.”
“I’m pretty sure you’re mixing up words.” Kurt said. “…and people for that matter.”
“Don’t you have fun?” Blaine asked.
“It’s nice, I guess…”Kurt admitted.
“Yeah, so nice. I absolutely love it.”
“Glad you do.” Kurt said, catching Blaine again when he stumbled. “How much did you drink again?”
“Don’t know!” Blaine replied. “What’s Rachel doing?”
Kurt sighed. Of course, freaking Rachel. He looked around. Oh, great. She was talking to Finn. Actually, she was hanging on Finn, not unlike the way Blaine was hanging on Kurt himself. Finn seemed quite uncomfortable, but after he said something, Rachel suddenly stormed into the middle of the room, screaming “Spin the bottle!”
Before Kurt could protest, cheers came from several points in the room, including directly beside his ear.
“I love that game!” Blaine nearly yelled in his ear.
“Anything you don’t love at the moment?” Kurt asked.
Blaine laughed and the sound sent shivers down Kurt’s back. “Can’t think of anything, no.” he said lowly. His breath tickled the skin of Kurt’s ear.
“Yeah… let’s… let’s play, then.” Kurt muttered.
A part of his brain knew this could never end well. Considering his luck, Blaine would kiss Rachel, she would realize her undying love for him and they’d elope, leaving Kurt behind in the dust.
Actually, it was Santana who got Blaine, but he pulled away after a quick peck leaving Santana pouting and complaining.
“Sorry,” Blaine said chuckling and whirled the bottle. Kurt held his breath, and he was definitely not praying. It wasn’t even as if he wanted Blaine to kiss him in a stupid game. Not nice, straight, friendly Blaine who probably wouldn’t even care… or do it, for that matter.
“God, it’s a freaking hobbit convention,” Santana snorted.
Kurt stared at the bottle. So close. Of course the bottle pointed to Rachel, she was sitting right beside him, just a little further… And now they’d make out and elope and live happily ever after and…
And then Rachel was standing and stumbling backwards, yelling “Ewwww! Gross! No way!”
Blaine laughed. “You’re acting like you’re seven, Rach.”
“I’m so not making out with you!” Rachel insisted. “This game is stupid and I’m not playing anymore.”
“Yeah, sorry… you’re acting like you’re five!” Blaine laughed. “Who am I supposed to make out with now?”
“Not me, god, you’re so gross!” Rachel yelled.
Blaine shuddered. “Right… so, who then?” He looked at the place where Rachel had sat, then his eyes drifted to the side, meeting Kurt’s. His smile broadened and nearly looked predatory. “I’ve got an idea…” he said lowly.
And then, Blaine’s lips were on his.
Kurt gasped in surprise, and within the blink of an eye he could feel Blaine’s tongue in his mouth. This wasn’t happening. He was absolutely not being kissed by the guy he was crazy for. But then there was a hand on his cheek, and Blaine whimpered and oh my god this was real this was actually happening Blaine was kissing him!
The realization had just hit him when Blaine was pulled away from him.
“Gross! I didn’t have to see that!” Rachel yelled at Blaine.
“You suck, Rach.” Blaine replied glaring at her. Kurt gasped again. This was the first time he had hear Blaine being anything less than a perfect gentleman around Rachel. But now he didn’t even acknowledge her continued protest, just stood up, took Kurt’s hand and pulled him towards the stage.
“Come on, let’s do a duet.”
“He’s my duet partner!” Rachel whined.
“Not anymore, he’s not.” Blaine replied. “Come on, Kurt, we’re singing!”
The rest of the evening was a blur. Blaine and Rachel seemed to fight each other for the right to sing with him to the point where Puck actually thrashed the karaoke machine. At some point most people were either passed out or already brought home by Finn, Rachel was singing into the broken microphone herself and Blaine was leaning against Kurt’s shoulder in a corner.
“Hey…” he muttered. “Kurt?”
“Hm?”
“You had fun?” Blaine asked, his voice low and half asleep.
“I think so…” Kurt said. “You?”
“Loved it.” Blaine said. “You’re awesome, you know?”
And that might actually be nice if you could remember this tomorrow. Or were on my team at least…
“I think Rachel wasn’t having that much fun.” Kurt said.
“Hm… too bad for her.” Blaine said.
“You guys ready to go?” Finn asked.
“Go where?” Blaine replied.
“Home? Finn can drive you.” Kurt said.
For some reason Blaine started laughing and Kurt had to hold him up to stop him from falling to the ground. “Nah, I think I’ll pass. I’ll stay here.”
“Riiight… have fun with that.” Finn said. “Kurt, you coming?”
He hesitated for a moment, unsure whether he should leave Blaine. But he was tired, and exhausted, and Blaine just started to make himself comfortable on one of the couches.
“I guess I’ll see you next week?” he asked.
“Hm… I’ll call you…” Blaine muttered.
Kurt was silent for the whole ride home. Maybe he should be happy, but he felt empty. Blaine had kissed him… and it hadn’t meant anything. Finn looked at him as if he wanted to say something, but Kurt turned away. What could there be said? He had done it again - fallen in love with a straight guy. He’d probably never learn.
It got worse when Blaine actually did call him the next day, asking if they could meet for coffee. They were just sitting opposite each other, both of their cups untouched while Blaine gathered the courage to talk to him and Kurt just sat there waiting for what was bound to come - Blaine telling him that he was so sorry, but he was drunk and had never meant to kiss him in the first place and - if he was lucky - could they still be friends, or - if he was unlucky - that they should probably stop seeing each other.
“Look, Kurt, I’m really sorry about Friday,” Blaine finally said, “I was drunk, and I shouldn’t have been so out of control. I’m really sorry for the way I acted. But I…” He paused, still unable to meet Kurt’s eyes, and suddenly Kurt couldn’t take it anymore.
“It’s fine, Blaine.” he said. “It was just a drunken kiss. It didn’t mean anything. You didn’t mean to do it, I’m not reading anything into it, it’s fine.”
“But Kurt, I…”
“It’s fine, Blaine!” he interrupted sharply. “Let’s just forget this ever happened, okay?”
Blaine’s eyes were wide, but then he nodded. “Okay… if that’s what you want.”
“It is.” Kurt replied. “Now, to more serious business… have you seen the new Vogue cover?”
***
In a way, this was worse than Rachel’s party. Back then he had known it was just Blaine being drunk. Now it was Blaine, sober and completely aware, holding him, dancing with him, just minutes after admitting his love for Rachel. Kurt couldn’t even enjoy it for more than a few second before reality caught up with him. Blaine, however, as always didn’t seem to notice a thing.
“So, this is what you imagined?” he asked. His voice was slightly higher than normal. Of course, as accepting as he was, it still had to be weird for a straight guy to dance with another boy.
“It’s close enough.” Kurt replied, trying to keep his voice neutral.
“I’m glad.” Blaine said into his ear. “You deserve a great prom.”
“You might be the only one thinking that.” Kurt said.
“They’re idiots. Don’t let them bring you down. You’re better than all of them.” Blaine’s grip around Kurt tightened as if he was trying to reassure him. “You are.” he insisted.
Kurt sighed. He was grateful. It wasn’t Blaine’s fault that he loved Rachel instead of him. He was still one of Kurt’s closest friends. “Thank you.” he said. “For everything.”
“I was scared, you know.” Blaine said. “But this… it’s different with you. You… you make me want to be brave.” He laughed as if he was nervous. “Does that make sense?”
“I don’t know…” Kurt said. Actually, it didn’t make sense at all, and it wasn’t fair that Blaine said things like this, made him feel like this actually was the romantic dance Kurt had dreamed of, and not just pity coming from a friend.
And then, Blaine just had to look straight into his eyes as if he was the most interesting thing in the entire world. “Kurt, I…”
“Yes, Blaine?” he asked, hating his voice for sounding breathless.
“I really…”
Whatever he was trying to say was drowned out by applause. Kurt looked around. He hadn’t even noticed that Rachel’s song had ended and Figgins had entered the stage, two envelopes in his hand.
“If Quinn wins, Rachel is going to be a mess.” Kurt muttered.
“And if she loses, Quinn will make Finn’s life hell. I’m pretty sure you lose either way.” Blaine said, letting his hand slip away from Kurt’s. Of course it was too good to last.
“And this year’s prom royalty are… Please roll the drum.” Figgins said and someone from the band started a drum roll. “Finn Hudson and Quinn Fabray.”
The hall erupted in cheers. Kurt shot a quick look at Rachel. Their eyes met. She looked upset, but kept it together. To his surprise he saw Jesse putting a hand onto her shoulder. He wasn’t sure what he had expected - maybe evil cackling or manic laughter - but Jesse actually had a fond expression on his face.
“Maybe she will be okay.” Kurt muttered.
Rachel smiled at him, then at Blaine and waved slightly. Then she bit her lips, pointed at Jesse with her head and smiled.
Kurt saw Blaine mouthing an “okay” to her, before turning to Kurt again. “You’re right. She might be fine.”
“And if not, she got us, right?”
Blaine stared at him. “You care a lot about her, too, don’t you?” he asked.
Kurt nodded. “She’s driving me insane most of the time, but… I do.”
For a second, they just stared at each other. The next second, Blaine was kissing him. It was softer than at the party, not nearly as sloppy, but maybe even more intense. It was everything Kurt could have dreamed of.
“You’re amazing.” Blaine whispered against his lips. “How are you even real?”
Right now Kurt couldn’t even think how this was possible. This wasn’t a game, or Blaine being drunk. This was real, and sober, and all he could do was move in for another kiss.
“Let’s get out of here?” Blaine said when they eventually parted. “We should probably talk…”
“Talk… right…” Kurt muttered. “Talk…” He shook his head a little, hoping that maybe this would lessen the haze of euphoria that surrounded him. Unfortunately it did the second he saw Rachel staring at them, her eyes impossibly wide and a hand clapped in front of her mouth.
Rachel, who was his best friend, who had just watched Finn and Quinn crowned prom queen together, who had to deal with Jesse now as well, who had shown him kindness when nobody had even noticed he was in pain, and she had just seen him kiss Blaine…
Blaine.
The boy who just minutes ago had confessed that he loved Rachel.
Suddenly, Kurt felt sick.
“Are you okay?” Blaine asked. “Kurt, what’s wrong?”
“I can’t do this.” Kurt said, tearing his eyes from Rachel and staring at Blaine. “Not again, not with you, I can’t!”
Blaine flinched as if he’d been struck. “What do you mean?” he asked.
“I can’t do this to Rachel!” Kurt yelled. People close to them stared at them, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. “And you can’t do this either, Blaine. You can’t just come here and dance with me and kiss me. I can’t do this to Rachel, and you have no right to do this to me.”
“Kurt, please, let’s talk about this somewhere quiet, okay?” Blaine said.
“There’s nothing to talk! I won’t be played with, Blaine.”
“Played… what are you even talking about?” Blaine asked in frustration.
“I thought you were my friend.” Kurt replied.
“I am! I just really don’t understand what the problem is.”
Kurt shook his head. “That’s exactly the problem. You don’t understand anything.” He sighed. “I can’t do this anymore, Blaine. Maybe we shouldn’t see each other again.”
Blaine paled. “You… you don’t mean that.” he said, his voice shaking. “That’s not really what you want.”
“Actually… it is.” Kurt said, trying to keep his voice steady. “Goodbye, Blaine. I’m leaving.”
He turned away and fought his way through the crowd, ignoring Blaine calling after him and the shocked looks Rachel gave him. He had to get out. And if possible, he’d never want to see Blaine again.
***
During the next few days, Kurt got a dozen calls and more than twenty text messages from Blaine. He considered blocking his number, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Instead, he deleted every single message and stared at his phone whenever another call came in. He never answered.
Sometimes he felt bad about it, but then he remembered how little consideration Blaine had shown for his feelings. And yes, he had always hoped for Blaine to move on from his love for Rachel, and maybe even dreamed of being the person Blaine moved onto… but even in his dreams he was smart enough to know that a change like that didn’t take place within a few minutes over a slow dance. Sure, he and Rachel had a lot in common, but they weren’t the same person. Blaine couldn’t just decide this quickly to be over Rachel and into Kurt. Or maybe it really was the fact that they were so similar, combined with the fact that Kurt was so obviously in love with Blaine that he could be considered “a sure thing”…
It didn’t help thinking about it, but Kurt couldn’t stop. So by the time Mercedes basically ordered him to a girls’ sleepover, he was nearly relieved.
He was less happy when he realized it would be a sleepover at Rachel’s house. He had tried to avoid Rachel as much as he could after prom. It wasn’t easy, not when they were preparing for Nationals, but at least she was so focused on winning that he didn’t have to worry that she would suddenly decide to talk to him about prom.
Now, nearly a week later, he had finally run out of luck. Mercedes took his hand the second they entered the Berry’s house and pulled him upstairs, through the corridor, past the house’s third bedroom that always stayed empty and locked, and into Rachel’s room.
“Enough running away, white boy.” she said sternly.
“Now we’re going to talk about your boy troubles.” Rachel added, pointing a finger at his chest.
“Can I at least sit?” Kurt asked, resignation in his voice.
“We’ll allow that.” Rachel said. “And now spill.”
Kurt sighed. “There’s nothing to talk about, Rachel. And shouldn’t we be talking about your renewed involvement with Jesse St. James?”
“We’re not involved, and even if we were, people can change!” Rachel protested.
“Not Jesse St. James. Also, not the point.” Mercedes said and turned to Kurt. “You and Blaine. Spill.”
“I told you, there’s nothing to talk about.”
“Didn’t look like nothing at prom.” Mercedes said. “You were making out, I saw you.”
Kurt sighed. “So what?” he asked. “We kissed. That’s all.” He really didn’t want to explain things, but they looked at him with so much expectation… “I’m sorry, Rachel.” Kurt said.
“Stop procrastinating!” Rachel snapped. “And why on earth do you think you need to apologize to me? Like I care who Blaine makes out with… as long as I don’t have to see it.”
“Why are you so cold to him?” Kurt asked, feeling his anger well up again. Yes, Blaine had treated him callously, but the way Rachel talked about him wasn’t much better. “Wow, you two really are alike…” he said.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Rachel asked.
“Never mind.” Kurt said. “Look, I appreciate your concern, but it really doesn’t matter. It’s not even you… it’s him.”
“What do you mean, it’s him?” Rachel asked confused. “I thought you liked him.”
So she had noticed… and still taken Blaine to prom. Way to spare other people’s feelings when they were nothing but careful around her…
“Don’t you, Kurt?” Rachel asked.
“I do.” Kurt admitted. “The problem isn’t that I don’t like him… it’s about him not liking me.”
“You know, usually the code for ‘not liking someone’ is not ‘shoving your tongue down their throats’…” Mercedes said.
“You could at least give it a try, Kurt.” Rachel said, squeezing one of his hands between her own. “I mean it. You’ve both been miserable this week… why don’t you just give him a chance?”
Before he could even think about answering, he heard the door behind him open. Rachel shrieked. “Oh my god, what are you doing here? I thought you were staying at Dalton!”
“Changed my plans.”
Kurt’s heart nearly stopped. This was Blaine, standing in Rachel’s room on a Saturday night. Kurt turned around and looked at him.
He was wearing his Dalton uniform again, but some of his hair had escaped the gel. He looked straight at Kurt, his hazel eyes burning with determination. Before Kurt could say anything, Blaine had taking his hand and pulled him to his feet.
“I’m going to borrow Kurt for a moment. Don’t wait up.” he said to Rachel and Mercedes before he left the room again, pulling Kurt after him.
Kurt’s heart beat increased as he followed Blaine. What was he doing here? How had he even gotten in? And why on earth was he pulling Kurt into the other bedroom… and for that matter, why was it open?
“I really didn’t want to discuss this in front of them.” Blaine explained as he pulled him inside and sat him down on the bed. “And you’re really hard to get hold of, so when I heard that Rachel had invited you over I just had to come back. I need to talk to you.”
“I can’t think of anything we need to discuss, Blaine.” Kurt replied. He did try to make his voice sound cold, but he knew it came out more shaky than anything.
“How about the fact that we kissed at prom? Doesn’t that need discussing?”
Kurt shook his head. “I don’t want to talk about it. Can’t you just drop it?”
“No, Kurt, I can’t.” Blaine said. “Because you can’t tell me it didn’t mean something to you.”
“Of course it meant something to me! You’re the one who doesn’t care!”
Blaine stared at him in disbelief. “Do you really think that?” he asked after a moment. “Kurt, I…”
“Save it.” he whispered. “It’s okay, I get it. I know how much you care about Rachel, and-“
Blaine sighed in frustration. “Can we not bring Rachel into this?” he asked, sounding exasperated. “God, can’t you for once see me separate from her?”
“You’re making that pretty hard, Blaine.” Kurt said. He looked away, at anything but Blaine. Maybe he could ignore him and whatever he said if he concentrated on this guest room he’d never seen. It did look lived in, and in way better taste than that pink-walled horror Rachel called her room. There was a suitcase, some posters, trophies of fencing and polo, some of them even with a name on them…
And then Kurt realized just what he was reading.
“Blaine?” he asked. Only after he spoke he realized that he interrupted whatever the other boy had been saying.
“Yes, Kurt?” Blaine said, and Kurt could hear how much he tried to stay calm.
“Why do you have trophies standing in this room?” Kurt asked.
Now Blaine looked at him as if he had lost his mind. “What?”
“Those trophies. They’re for Blaine Anderson. What are they doing here?”
Blaine frowned at him. “Well, I can’t keep all of them at Dalton. Look, can we go back to talking about us now?”
But no, Kurt definitely couldn’t. “And that’s your suitcase, isn’t it?” he asked. “This… Blaine, is this your room?”
“Of course it is, what does this have to do with anything?”
“You have a room at this house…” Kurt said, looking around. It did look like Blaine… but why on earth would he have a room here?
“Look, I’m boarding, it doesn’t mean my dads kicked me out.”
“Dads?” Kurt repeated. This wasn’t making sense. None of it was.
“Our two dads? You must have met them at some point. I know Rachel keeps bragging about them.”
“Our…” Kurt stared at him. “Two dads. As in Rachel’s two dads?” he asked.
Blaine started to look actually worried now. “Yes, Kurt, as in Rachel’s two dads.” he said as if he was talking to a mad person.
“Rachel’s two dads are your two dads?” Kurt asked.
“Well… yeah… that’s what siblings means, Kurt.” Blaine said. “Are you feeling okay?”
But all Kurt could focus on was that one word.
Siblings.
“You’re siblings?”
He would never tell this story anyone, but if he did, he certainly would insist that he did not shriek those words.
“Twins, yeah,” Blaine said, still frowning at him. Then it seemed to dawn on him. “Wait… you didn’t know that?”
“How on earth should I have known that?” Kurt asked, nearly flailing. “She never said anything about you until Quinn saw you together before Sectionals! And you… she… Your name is Anderson!”
“Well, yeah,” Blaine said, “Rachel and I were adopted before they could get legally married, so Hiram Berry adopted Rachel and Leroy Anderson adopted me, and the name just kind of stuck even after they got married. Did she really never even mention me?”
Kurt shook his head. “Blaine, she wrote a song about the pain of being an only child. Something about being the only Berry on her family tree.”
“I don’t believe her… I mean, yes, she is the only Berry, but come on. Couldn’t she write about anything else? Like… I don’t know, her crimes against fashion?”
“Or her headband?”
Blaine chuckled. “Or that.” Then he frowned again. “So… if your problem isn’t that it’s weird to date your best friend’s brother… then what is it?”
“I thought you were in love with her.” Kurt admitted. And god, did it sound stupid now.
“With Rachel?” Blaine asked. “You thought I was in love with Rachel?”
“What was I supposed to think?” Kurt replied, his defenses coming up. “You kept saying that you loved her!”
“As my sister!” Blaine protested. “You must have noticed something, Kurt. I’ve been flirting with you for months!”
Kurt blushed. “I thought you were just a really flirty person…”
Blaine, again, chuckled. “Yeah, okay, I heard that before… and maybe it was that at first. But…” he paused, then he sat down beside Kurt and took his hand. “Okay, can you just listen now, because I’ve been trying to tell you this since we met after Rachel’s party, and I really need to say it. Are you ready?”
Kurt could only nod, his eyes fixated on Blaine.
“Kurt? I really, really like you. And those kisses, at that party, and on prom night, and dancing with you… they meant everything to me.”
Kurt could hardly breathe. “You like me.” he repeated. “You’re not even straight, are you?”
At this, Blaine laughed. “Kurt, why did you think I was bullied in the first place?”
Maybe a relationship with Blaine was a horrible idea, judging from how stupid he felt with every new question he asked. But then, Blaine’s hand touched his cheek, and it was hard to be bothered by it.
“I like you. I’ve liked you for months now. And I really want to be with you, Kurt.” And there it was, Blaine’s adoring, honest face, in front of him like an open book. Before Kurt knew what was going on, he felt himself smile wider than ever, and then Blaine was moving in and god, why on earth did they ever stop doing that?
Later they could talk about what that meant, what to tell Rachel, or anyone, what they were, or where they were going…
But right now only this mattered, them tangled in each other, kissing and being together.
Because there were a million facts Kurt knew about Blaine Anderson, but right now, only three of them mattered. He was gorgeous, he kissed like a dream… and he was his.