Fic: Once More With Feeling, Epilogue
Title: Once More With Feeling (Epilogue)
Rating: R
Pairings: Kurt/Blaine, Blaine/Sebastian
Spoilers: -
Warnings:
Word Count: ~8100
Summary: After a long year of separation, things are finally looking up for Kurt and Blaine. They're ready to start their lives together in New York as an engaged couple. Everything is perfect.
Until it's suddenly not.
Torn apart by forces beyond their understanding, they find themselves alone, facing a world that is just not quite right anymore. A second first meeting of strangers on a staircase brings another chance for love, but is that chance enough for them to find their way back to each other, and can they break the spell before it's too late?
Disclaimer: The characters aren't my property, neither are any song lyrics within this story, just borrowing it all for a bit.
Notes: And here it is, the epilogue and end of the story. Including the time spent planning it, this story has kept me busy for several months now, which is definitely longer than any story has in a while. I'd like to thank everybody, again, for reading, and I hope you had some fun with this fic.
Let's finish it, okay?
Previously...
Epilogue - Where Do We Go From Here?
Blaine was walking through the kitchen at his parents' house. He wasn't quite sure what he was doing here, but it didn't bother him. He could hear his mother's voice, talking on the phone, he could feel the taste of coffee on his tongue. Now that he thought about it, it all seemed strangely muted. The colors weren't right, everything felt cold er than it should be, a bit fuzzy . But it was fine, wasn't it? He didn't have to stay in here. He needed to get outside, because... Well, there was a reason, certainly. Calmly, without knowing why, Blaine left the house and stepped out onto the porch. A car was coming closer, and Blaine knew automatically that this was his destination. He stepped onto the stairs...
...and then, suddenly, there was no ground beneath his feet. He felt like falling, and his heart stopped. Panic clawed up inside him...
And then, Blaine opened his eyes. It was a lot less dramatic than what he had gotten used to. There was no screaming, no panic, no disorientation. He just woke up abruptly, still lying in bed, his heart beat and breathing accelerated, and he was shaking. He closed his eyes again, clenched them shut, really, and tried to ban that feeling of falling. In the darkness, he reached out until he found Kurt's hand. He squeezed it softly, careful to not wake his fiancé. There was no reason to, really, he had only had a nightmare - not even a nightmare, just a weird dream. He got those a lot lately. But it was nothing, not compared to those terrors he had suffered before. He wouldn't go insane about this, he wouldn't worry, and he wouldn't shed another tear about any of this.
When his breathing had calmed down far enough, he sat up, never letting go of Kurt's hand. Blaine looked now, as far as the darkness allowed it, and just watched him sleep.
Kurt looked younger when he was sleeping, more vulnerable without any semblance of having his guard up. He was cleary fast asleep, maybe exhausted from earlier, and Blaine could feel the blood rush into his face at the thought. There was an expression of content and peace in his face. It was beautiful.
Then why did Blaine feel like crying?
It had been two months since Kurt had saved him, since that... thing had stopped, and he was free again. Waking up from the curse had probably been the scariest experience during all of the curse's run. He knew Kurt had been shocked by the seizure he had suffered once the curse had been broken, whereas all Blaine could remember from that was the kiss. But then he had woken up, confined in a metal tube, the hammering of the MRI machine thundering in his skull, and his mind had felt like he was trapped under a waterfall, two years of actual memories crashing back into his head, combined with the realization that something horrible had happened to him, something beyond his understanding, and...
He still shuddered at the memory. It had been overwhelming, and scary, and he had been ridiculously grateful when he had finally been hauled out of the machine and given medication. At least the drugs had calmed him down long enough until Kurt was with him again...
During the following days, the doctors had run every test they could think of, still trying to find out just what was wrong with him. But since the brain scans and blood tests had all been negative, they had eventually come to the conclusion that he suffered from an unusual form of epilepsy, that had only now presented itself as a generalized seizure. He had been prescribed anti-epileptic drugs, and although both he and Kurt were sure that without the curse he wouldn't have any further problems, they had agreed to play it safe and follow the instructions.
After a week, Blaine had been released from the hospital. Kurt had taken him back to the loft, where all his things were already waiting for him. He had finally come home.
He had been glad that he didn't need to go back to the apartment. He never wanted to go back there, and at the time he wouldn't have been able confront Sebastian. Now, he wasn't so sure anymore. At first, Blaine had been sure a confrontation would be inevitable. Sebastian wouldn't go through all that effort with the curse, and then just accept that he failed. But weeks went by and there had been no sign of him. Blaine still wasn't sure how to feel about that. A part of him never wanted to see Sebastian again. But stronger than that instinct, he wished he could have answers, maybe even closure. He wanted to know why.
Blaine sighed in frustration.
Two months... it wasn't that long, not compared to the time it had lasted. Even now, Blaine wasn't sure he really understood what had really happened. He knew, of course, what had happened, and how close he had come to dying - a thought that still scared him. But it was all too much. His memory felt like a puzzle that had been torn apart, the pieces scattered onto the floor. The time he had actually been under the curse was clear - much clearer than he wanted it to be at times. Then there were still those fake memories of two years that never happened, and sometimes Blaine needed to think a moment, until he realized which version of his memory was even real. It could get awkward, when he was talking with his friends, none of whom even remembered what had happened.
Except Kurt, of course. With a sigh, Blaine raised a hand to stroke through his fiancé's hair, and for a moment only focussed on him, on the soft breathing, the strong hand resting in his own. It was already enough to calm him down at least a bit. Kurt always managed to ground him, now more than ever. He had known before that Kurt loved him, but he couldn't have imagined that Kurt loved him so much, enough to deal with everything during these last few months, everything he'd gone through, everything Blaine himself had put him through... But through it all, Kurt had never given up on him, had fought for him and eventually saved him. Blaine knew that if it wasn't for Kurt, he wouldn't be alive by now. Kurt had fought through all this - while Blaine himself had just been sitting around in the metaphorical tower, waiting for the prince to slay the dragon, like the typical damsel in distress.
Just like a fairy tale.
Even now that it was all over, Kurt still had to take care of him. He could function well enough, usually, but there were still too many situations that threw him off - like when he talked about a memory only he had, or when anything reminded him of Sebastian. Then there were those random bouts of melancholy, that he couldn't really describe any better. Sometimes those thoughts just came out of nowhere. He couldn't seem to keep his mind off the curse, no matter how many weeks had passed since then. Isabelle Wright had insisted that he just had to be patient, that time would heal everything, but he couldn't believe her. She had even recommended a therapist to whom he could talk even about thei strange details of the curse. But he wasn't convinced.
Two months had passed. He should be feeling better by now. He should have made some progress at least. Why did he still feel like such a mess? He should be fine by now, but instead he still felt as lost as he had when he had been released from the hospital. He just couldn't move on.
With a sigh, Blaine lay back down onto the mattress and cuddled into Kurt's side. He rested his head on his fiancé's chest and tried to let the strong heart beat lull him to sleep. An arm came up around him and pulled him closer. Even asleep, Kurt was taking care of him... and Blaine was grateful for it, he really was, he just wished he wouldn't need it so much - or that it could just be enough.
But it would be fine. It had to be. Somehow, he'd manage to get a grip on himself. He was alright. He had been saved, he was alive and at least the physical effects of the curse had faded - the psychological ones woulld follow, too. It was nothing. He wouldn't go insane about it, he wouldn't worry, and he wouldn't shed another tear about any of this. Or at least, in the morning he would never admit to it.
Coming home from the diner, all Kurt wanted was a nice hot shower, a bit of quiet and some time to think. As usual with the loft, it didn't quite work out, though for once not in an unpleasant way. The sound of a piano welcomed him even before he had entered the loft. He figured the girls had to be out, since Blaine hardly played when they were home.
Careful to be quiet, Kurt stepped into the loft. As he expected, there was no sign of anyone but Blaine who was sitting at the piano, softly playing a melody Kurt couldn't recognize. It wasn't a happy melody, but it sounded passionate, and alive. It was hauntingly beautiful. Kurt hoped it was a good sign. Music was at least one way in which Blaine could process what he was going through.
Kurt watched him, and it hurt him, too. He had thought it would be so easy. Back then, he hadn't really thought about how things would turn out when the curse was broken. He had imagined Blaine would be safe and recover quickly. What he had expected, was a fairy tale - true love's kiss, and then they lived happily ever after.
As it turned out, reality wasn't so easy.
He really should have seen that coming. After all, Blaine had spent months under that curse, continously trying to fight it while it drained his energy. There were fake memories, the pain of isolation, and even if you ignored all that there was the enormity of a curse that could rip him out of his life, without any chance to stop it from happening... Of course, it wouldn't just all disappear once the curse ended.
And it hadn't. Kurt knew that Blaine didn't sleep well, although the nightmares weren't nearly as bad as those night terrors under the curse. Sometimes, he woke up at night with Blaine gone, only to find him sitting somewhere in the loft, maybe on the window sill, or staring at the piano. Often enough, Blaine got a far-away look and it took some care to bring him back without spooking him.
As the music ended, Kurt approached and put an arm around him. Blaine looked up in surprise, and a smile appeared on his face.
“Hey,” he said and leaned against Kurt, never breaking eye contact, “I didn't hear you.”
“I noticed,” Kurt said. He sat down beside Blaine and pulled him into a half-embrace. “That was really powerful.”
“Hm,” Blaine hummed and rested his head on Kurt's shoulder. “I'm getting good at the tortured art thing.”
Kurt wasn't sure how to respond, but judging from his tone Blaine wasn't bothered right now. He sighed and pulled Blaine even closer. For a moment, they just sat together. Blaine eventually raised a hand and let it wander over the piano keys in a simple melody. Kurt smiled and let his eyes fall close.
At least, Blaine wasn't shutting him out. Even when he got lost in his memories, he would accept, even welcome Kurt's touch and closeness, sometimes even reach out to him. It seemed to calm Blaine down, and Kurt was grateful that he could at least help a bit. But it was only temporary relief.
Kurt sighed, although he tried not to let his own frustration show. He reminded himself that two months was a short time. And even in that time, Blaine had made progress. He still got lost in his jumbled memories, but it had been much worse right after the curse had been broken. The nightmares still happened, but they were more unsettling than actually scaring. It would take time, and they had to be patient.
It was just hard to watch Blaine struggle, and even harder to see his frustration. He knew that Blaine was impatient, frustrated. What he focussed on was that he wasn't alright again, and over that he lost sight of how much better he had gotten already.
Kurt wished there was more that he could do. But “happily ever after” wasn't as easy as he had expected. That was the problem with fairy tales. They put their protagonists through horrible struggle, but never showed the aftermath. Would Snow White ever be able to talk with a stranger without suspecting another assassination attempt by the Queen? Was Little Red Riding Hood ever able to walk through the woods again without fear? And how did Sleeping Beauty ever find back to life in a world that had moved on a hundred years?
Fairy tales weren't helpful, and fairies couldn't do much either. Isabelle could only advise them to give it time and be patient. But it wasn't helping.
It was, of course, all Sebastian's fault, but knowing who was to blame didn't help the least. Kurt had seen the bastard only once since the curse had been broken, when he had gone to get Blaine's things from the apartment. Not for the first time, he wondered whether he should telll Blaine about it, whether it would be helpful to know that Sebastian wasn't getting away with what he did unpunished, or whether it would be best for Blaine not to think about him at all. He still hoped Blaine would ask and take the decision out of his hands. Maybe he'd risk it, if things didn't get better.
Blaine angled his head up. “Now where did you go?” he asked softly, a warm smile on his face.
Kurt blinked. Apparently he could get lost in thoughts just as well as his fiancé. “I'm right here,” he said, bringing their foreheads together.
“I'm glad you are,” Blaine said, and kissed him.
Kurt felt himself sigh into the kiss. He couldn't allow himself to forget that they had moments like this, too - moments when the curse and all its consequences were forgotten and didn't matter, times when it was just them and life was just life. There were good moments, even more than bad ones. He just hoped that one day it would be enough.
A week later, things hadn't improved much. Kurt could see that Blaine was growing more frustrated with every day. Maybe this impatience was keeping him from recovering, or maybe there was something else that kept him from moving on. Kurt couldn't figure it out, and this stupid fashion magazine he was going through for Isabelle wouldn't hold any answers either, no matter how hard he glared at it.
“Well, I don't think that poor model has done anything to deserve this.”
He looked up to find Isabelle standing at his desk. He was ready to apologize for being distracted, but she didn't give him a chance but continued to talk.
“So how is Blaine doing?”
Kurt sighed. “It's complicated. You've seen him, he's better... but not much, and I think it's really getting to him.”
“I can imagine...” Isabelle said. “And I wish we could do more to help him. But as I told you...”
“Only time,” Kurt said, “I know. It's just hard.”
For a moment he thought Isabelle would say something, but eventually she closed her mouth. They knew there was nothing she could say that she hadn't told him already.
“Has he thought about seeing Sarah yet?” Isabelle asked instead.
It took Kurt a moment to place the name. Isabelle had offered to get them in contact with a very discrete therapist, who she had dealt with in the past and who knew enough about fairies and magic to be helpful.
Kurt sighed. “He said he would, but I don't think he's convinced. I think it could help him, but he's already so frustrated... Even if he talked to her, I think he might get impatient and stop again before there were any results.”
Isabelle hummed. “I imagine that would complicate things. But maybe you can talk to him in a quiet moment.”
Kurt sighed. He knew that he would have to talk to Blaine about this sooner or later. But he didn't know where to start, much less what to say - or if he could actually say something helpful.
“I hope I'm not interrupting?”
They both looked up to the door, where Blaine had just entered. Kurt got up quickly and greeted him with a short kiss. He seemed relaxed, so Kurt assumed it had been a good day so far. Blaine kept an arm around him, as he turned to Isabelle to greet her as well.
“It's good to see you,” Isabelle said, “I was just wondering how you were doing.”
Blaine hesitated for a moment, maybe contemplating how honest his answer should be, but eventually he smiled, although not very convincingly. “I'm dealing”, he said non-committedly. “Mostly, I was hoping to take Kurt out for lunch.”
“Of course you can,” Isabelle said. “He's all yours. In fact, Kurt, why don't you take the day off? We have things covered here pretty well”
Kurt shot a quick look to Blaine, who seemed to light up at the offer.
“Thank you, I'll be back Thursday at the latest,” Kurt said to Isabelle.
“Don't worry about it,” she trilled.
“She's in a generous mood,” Blaine commented as they got into the elevator.
“You know how she gets,” Kurt said shrugging. “So how was NYADA today? Insane as usual?”
Blaine laughed. “Pretty much,” he said.
Kurt relaxed as he listened to his fiancé informing him about what madness Cassandra July had come up this time. He felt that this, too, was one of th better moments. He wouldn't tell Blaine, but he had started to try and count the good against the bad moments, although not obsessively. It might be stupid, but he hoped to find eventually that there were more good than bad ones.
Blaine had just finished talking when they stepped out off the building and onto the streets. Kurt was about to ask where they should go eat, when Blaine stopped right in his tracks. Kurt looked at him in confusion, then raised his eyes to the point in from of them Blaine was staring at.
There was a woman on the sidewalk. Kurt couldn't remember seeing her before. Her hair was black, streaked with silver and seemed to flow around her face like water, an impression helped by the tones of blue and sea green she was wearing. The look in her bright blue eyes was full of contempt. Kurt looked back at Blaine, hoping for an explanation. Blaine looked at her mistrustfully, frozen in place.
Eventually, the woman spoke.
“You don't look that special,” she said. Her eyes were fixed on Blaine, as if he was a puzzle she was trying to figure out. Kurt didn't like that look at all. On instinct, he stepped forward so he was standing half in front of Blaine. Only now did the woman even seem to notice him. She gave him a look that could have been aimed at a bug.
“You're her, aren't you?” Blaine asked. “You're the one who did this to me.”
Kurt felt a shudder run down his spine. So this was the fairy godmother.
A tiny smile appeared on Nerida's face. “Not that dull, I see,” she said. “Yes, I'm the one who cast the curse. And you're the one who broke it. I hate to admit it, but I am actually impressed. I'll have you know that has never happened to any magic I cast.”
“So sorry to disappoint you,” Blaine gritted through his teeth.
“I'm not,” she said.
“What do you want from him?” Kurt asked. “Haven't you done enough?”
Nerida let out a melodramatic sigh, as if she was already bored of the conversation. “I don't want anything with the boy. I wanted to take a look at him, that is all. After all, this is a first. And I did lose a charge because of him.”
“What are you talking about?” Blaine asked.
“The backlash, of course. Not that I'd expect you to understand how magic works,” Nerida said.
Blaine frowned. “Wait, what do you mean? What backlash? You're not talking about the seizure I had, are you?”
“I'm talking about my charge,” Nerida replied, “and the price he's paying since his foolish wish fell through.”
Kurt's eyes widened. Suddenly he wished he had told Blaine earlier, but now it would come out anyway...
“You mean Sebastian?” Blaine asked. “You're saying he's actually paying for what he did? I find that hard to believe.”
“A broken curse has its own energy,” Nerida explained, “and it has to go somewhere. He was the easiest outlet. It's a common risk of curses, and one he should have expected. Then again, he was never very observant to the details.”
“He... was?” Blaine asked.
Kurt looked in confusion at Nerida. “What are you talking about?” he asked. “He's not dead.”
She raised her eyebrows. “You've been to see him,” she said, a hint of surprise in her voice.
“You've been what?” Blaine asked.
Kurt closed his eyes for a moment before he turned to Blaine. He wasn't ready for the look of betrayal on his fiancè's face.
“I didn't,” he said immediately, “I didn't visit him or anything. But I saw him when I got your things from the apartment. He was alive then.”
Blaine still looked insecure. “You never said...”
“I didn't mean to upset you,” Kurt said. “I just wasn't sure how you'd react or if it would just make things worse.”
“He is alive,” Nerida said, “though only barely. I wouldn't be much of a fairy godmother if I didn't protect my charge from a curse's backlash.”
“What kind of fairy godmother are you anyway?” Kurt asked, unable to control his anger now. “What kind of fairy goes around cursing people?”
“You humans have a weird idea of fairies,” Nerida said. “You hear fairy godmother and you think of Cinderella. Nobody thinks about the little mermaid's sea witch, or Rumpelstiltskin, or even about the consequences of the Cinderella story, the consequences of a prince spurning all noble families to marry a commoner... You think a fairy has to be good, but a fairy godmother only has to follow her families orders, even if those orders go against the family's own interest, as it happened in this case.
“Do you really think I'd feel sorry for Sebastian?” Blaine asked. “Did you even for a second consider what you put me through?”
“I considered every aspect of it,” Nerida answered, “and I did my duty.”
“Then why are you even here?” Blaine was shouting now. “You put me through hell, and you didn't even care about it, so what do you want from me now?”
She hesitated. “I was curious,” she said, “and I wished to make a suggestion.”
It didn't match her previous haughty tone, and Kurt could see Blaine deflate at the sound of it.
“A suggestion?”
“You should see him,” Nerida said. “He's suffering, wasting away. I don't imagine he will last much longer. His mother wants him taken home to France. He's still resisting, but I doubt he will be able to keep it up much longer. He still has that silly hope that you will come to see him.”
Kur turned around to quickly scan Blaine's reaction. He looked uncertain, but there were signs of conflict, as if he was struggling with himself. To his surprise, Kurt realized that the furstration he was getting familiar with was rising again.
“Is this why you're here? To convince me to visit him?” Blaine asked, a note of disbelief in his voice.
Nerida looked at him with a weird half-smile on her face. “You are upset that I can't give you the answers you're looking for, aren't you?” she asked.
Blaine looked like he wanted to protest for a moment, but then he deflated and shook his head. “You couldn't have them,” he said softly. “You cast the curse... but it wasn't you who did this to me.”
“Blaine, what are you thinking?” Kurt asked, not sure whether he understood correctly.
“She's right,” Blaine said. When he looked back up at Kurt, he seemed apologetic. “I have to see him.”
“No, Blaine, you don't. Let him rot. You don't owe him anything.”
Blaine shook his head. “It's not that,” he said, “I just... I can't go on like this, Kurt. Maybe this will help me move on... or at least give me some kind of closure. If I could just... understand...”
Kurt raised his hand to stop him. “Okay,” he said. It wasn't what he would choose. In fact, he never wanted that bastard to get close to Blaine again. But it wasn't his choice, and if there was the slightest chance that it could help... “Okay,” he said again, “if you're sure... let's try it.”
Blaine sighed in relief and held his hand tighter. “Will you come with me?”
Kurt snorted. “You really think I'd leave you alone for this?”
“Thank you,” Blaine said.
When they turned back to Nerida, she was still mustering Blaine as if he was some unusual puzzle. “You are a strange one,” she said. “He's at his apartment, waiting for his trip to F rance - and you.” She turned around and Kurt was sure she would walk away, but she looked back at them again. “This is not going to bring you peace,” she said.
“Leave that to me,” Blaine said, a scowl on his face.
She shook her head and turned away again, but before she had ended her first step she had disappeared into thin air.
The feeling of dread started to set in as soon as they entered the street, but when they stepped through the building's main entrance, Blaine was almost overwhelmed by it. He felt dizzy, and the mere air felt suffocating. He closed his eyes, tried to ignore how his pulse sped up and nausea settled in his stomach. If Kurt hadn't been there with him, he probably wouldn't have been able to even get into the elevator.
“We don't have to do this,” Kurt said softly. “Not now, or not ever if you don't want to.”
“I told you, I have to,” Blaine said.
Kurt looked as if he was about to protest, but instead he just intertwined their fingers, a silent show of support.
Blaine breathed slowly, focussing on Kurt's hand, and letting his fingers especially rest on the engagement ring on Kurt's finger. They were alright, they were together, and he had no reason to be afraid. Sebastian couldn't touch him.
With another calm breath, he opened the door and stepped inside.
The apartment hadn't changed a bit from his memory. All that was misssing were his own clothes and shoes, but every pice of furniture, every single of those ghastly decorations was just where he remembered. The air felt heavy in his lungs, suffocating. It had never felt like home, but now it seemed lifeless... like a mausoleum, maybe.
As he turned around, his eyes fell to the piano standing in the living room. He could almost feel the keys under his fingers... but he knew, he would never play this particular piano again. For a second, he almost felt sad about it. But he was wasting his time here, procrastianting to get out of what he was really here for. He shook his head and turned towards the bedroom.
Blaine hesitated at the door for a moment, wondering whether he should knock or not, but decided against it, eventually. He wasn't sure whether he was ready for this, but if he was completel honest with himself, he would probably never feel ready.
He could feel Kurt's hand on his back, and it was the last conviction he needed. He nodded shortly, before he opened the door and stepped into the room.
He took a second to let his gaze wander, see if this place, too, hadn't changed. Eventually, his eyes fell to the bed, where Sebastian was lying.
There was a loud gasp for breath, and it took Blaine a moment to realize it had been his.
Wasting was what Nerida had called it. He hadn't had a clear idea of what that meant, but now that he saw it, he knew that there was no other word for it. Sebastian's skin was pale, almost grey. His face was fallen in, his cheeks hollow, as if he'd been starved for a very long time. His eyes were closed, but then he must have heard them. His head turned and his eyes blinked open, slowly. For a moment, he looked into nothing, maybe not even seeing them.
But then, he seemed to recognize Blaine, and his eyes lit up. Unbelievably weak, Sebastian pulled himself up, although he didn't manage to get into a sitting position. It looked like a zombie rising. There was hope in his eyes, when he looked up at Blaine.
“You came,” he whispered, his voice hoarse and hardly even recognizable.
Blaine took a step back on instinct, nearly crashing into Kurt standing behind him. Sebastian's face fell, but Blaine couldn't feel bad for him.
“I... I wanted to see you,” Sebastian said. He sounded as if he was out of breath just from talking. “Nerida... she told me, the curse was broken. I mean... I felt it, obviously.” He chuckled. “Collapsed in the middle of a lecture. Really shocked people...”
Blaine had a bitter taste in his mouth, like rising bile.
“I'm glad you're okay, though,” Sebastian said.
And then, the bile turned into laughter, just as bitter. “Okay? You think I'm okay ?!” He could feel the grip of Kurt's arm around his waist, as if to ground him. It didn't help. “I'm not okay, Sebastian. You don't get it. Do you even have the slightest idea of what you put me through?”
Sebastian now looked as if he was about to cry. “I'm sorry,” he said. Blaine never thought he would ever hear those words from Sebastian, but it still didn't help. “I made a mistake,” Sebastian continued, “I never should have put that spell on you. I wouldn't do it again. You have to believe me. I never wanted to hurt you.”
“You didn't want to hurt me?” Blaine repeated. He felt the same bitter laughter rise gain, but suppressed it. He still felt light-headed from it, though. “You put a curse on me! You almost killed me!”
“I didn't know it would end like this...”
But Blaine couldn't stop himself now. “You didn't care! You didn't even think it through. Even now, that's the only part you even realize you did wrong, isn't it? If the curse hadn't almost killed me, you'd still think it was the right thing to do, wouldn't you?”
He could feel Kurt's arm holding him even tighter. He was grateful for the support, more grateful that Kurt wasn't interrupting, aallowing hi to get out what he needed to say.
“I'm sorry you got hurt,” Sebastian said weakly, “but I didn't mean for this to happen. We could have been happy together.”
“No, we couldn't!” Blaine glared at him, trying to let all the anger and frustration that had built up inside him pour out. “Don't you get it? What you tried to do was to destroy my life.”
“All I wanted was a chance,” Sebastian said.
“You tore me away, not only from the love of my life, but from absolutely every person and every thing I cared about! You turned me into a zombie, you kept me isolated, you... you made me think I was losing my mind - that I was messed up and just had to get a grip on myself. And then you acted like you were so benevolent for even putting up with me. Don't you see anything wrong with all that?”
Sebastian closed his eyes. “I... I didn't think it through,” he said softly, “I just thought I could be with you. I thought we could be happy together...”
“I was happy,” Blaine said. He felt exhausted, now. “Everything was working out for me - until you took it all away.”
“But you are alright now, aren't you?” Sebastian asked. “You're safe.”
Blaine stared at him. “I'm safe,” he agreed softly, “but I'm not alright.” He could hear Kurt's sharp intake of breath at this. It was something they both knew, but that neither of them had said out loud before. “I sometimes feel as if I'll never be, not completely. You did something horrible to me... and you still don't understand. You have no idea what you've done to me.”
“Blaine, please, I was only-”
“Stop.” Blaine shook his head and sighed. “I don't want to hear your excuses,” he said, “all I want to know is why.”
The look on Sebastian's face was pure confusion. “You know why...” he muttered.
“No, I don't,” Blaine insisted. “Just tell my why you did this to me.”
Sebastian's frown deepened. “I just wanted us to be together. And we never had a chance. I just wanted that, a chance. Because... I love you.”
A gasp left Blaine's throat. He wasn 't sure himself if he was laughing or sobbing. “Love?” he repeated. “Just stop with the lies! Look at yourself, why are you still dong this?” He looked from Sebastian's confusion to Kurt, who looked just as upset as he felt. “Unless...” Blaine muttered and looked back “You actually believe that?”
Sebastian looked heartbroken now. On some level Blaine knew that under other circumstances, that look alone might make him feel guilty. But now, there was nothing. “I mean it,” Sebastian said softly.
Blaine shook his head. And he had actually thought, this could help him... and once again, he had been wrong. “That's not love,” he said. “The things you've done to me? Nobody could do that to somebody they love.”
“But I-”
“Just shut up.” There was no vehemence behind his words, but even saying them was uncharacteristic for him. “You don't love me. I was just a toy to you, and you got obsessed with me because you couldn't have me. And do you know what's the saddest thing about it? Once you had me, you didn't even know what to do with me.”
“Then why did you come?” Sebastian asked him. “If you don't believe a thing I said, then why are you here?”
Blaine closed his eyes. “I was wrong,” he said, “I thought if I could just understand why you did this to me that I could move on. But you're not helping. You're just a shell now - and I don't think you even understand what you were trying to do yourself.” Blaine turned around to Kurt, as if he was looking for help. Kurt was looking at him as if his heart was breaking.
“Why did you want Blaine to come here?” he asked. His presence was the only source of warmth.
“I was hoping you would forgive me.”
Blaine turned back to him. “Forgive you,” he repeated.
Sebastian had at least enough deceny to look ashamed. “I know I don't deserve it,” he said.
“Damn right, you don't,” Kurt muttered.
“But I know I did wrong, and I'm sorry I did it. Don't you think I've been punished enough with this? I might be dying, Blaine. I might never recover from this. Don't you think you can forgive me?”
Blaine sighed. Whatever he had hoped to find here, he knew he wouldn't. He felt wrung out, too exhausted to even stay completely upright. He closed his eyes for a moment, seeking for strength without finding any. It was pointless. And through his exhaustion, maybe even enhanced by it, the answer was abolutely clear and inevitable. It might have surprised him at some other point in time, but right now he was just too tired.
“No,” Blaine said. “I can't forgive you.”
Sebastian looked at him, despair in his eyes.
“But I'm dying. You can't want that.”
“It's not about what I want. I look at you, and even like this... I feel nothing. There's no anger, and there's no hatred, and there is no compassion, either. To be frank, Sebastian, I don't care what happens to you - as long as I never have to see you again.”
He turned around, but not without catching a glaance on the expression on Sebastian's face. It should have been heart-breaking, but Blaine had told the truth. He felt nothing. Kurt was still behind him, and looked at him with a concerned frown. There was a silent question in his eyes, but Blaine shook his head. Not here, he had to get out of this apartment. The air was suffocating. Kurt nodded, and a moment later they were out of the room.
Blaine didn't look up the whole way down and until they were out of the building. Only then did he feel like he could breathe again. He stopped and just stayed where he was for a few seconds, inhaling deeply. He felt his whole body shudder, and for a moment he had the terrifying thought that he might go into another seizure. The fear upset him even more.
Kurt took his hand, and Blaine let himself be drawn into a tight embrace. He took another shuddering breath and tried to calm down. It was over, and he had nothing to be upset about. But now, that he didn't stand in the apartment anymore, the all to familiar frustration set in again. Seeing Sebastian hadn't helped. If he took a moment to think about it, Blaine realized that he hadn't even had a clear idea on how it was supposed to help. He had hoped he would find out why this had happened, but all the answers he had gotten were more of Sebastian's delusions.
Why couldn't it just be over?
Kurt was stroking over his head. “Are you okay?” he asked softly.
Blaine made a sound that was somewhere between laughing and sobbing. “Do I look okay?” he asked.
Something flashed over Kurt's face and Blaine felt guilty. None of this was Kurt's fault. Blaine turned away and concentrated on his breathing again. Kurt stayed close and kept one arm around him. Blaine felt a surge of gratitude. Somehow, Kurt always knew what he needed to do to ground him.
“I really thought this could help,” Blaine said finally. His breathing was under control again, but he had problems making sense of the mess of his emotions.
“I'm sorry,” Kurt said, “I should have told you.”
Blaine shook his head. “It doesn't matter. Even seeing him like this... It doesn't change anything. I don't even know what I expected. But I don't even get any satisfaction from seeing him pay. Like I said, there's nothing. And I thought this would give me some kind of closure... but it doesn't change anything.”
“That doesn't have to be a bad thing,” Kurt said carefully.
Blaine turned back to him. He tried to keep his frustration out of his voice, to not put it all on Kurt, but he knew some of it was bleeding in. “I don't know what to do anymore, Kurt. Nothing works, nothing helps. It's been over two months and I'm still the same mess I was when I got out of the hospital. Why can't I just get over it?”
A strict expression shot into Kurt's face. “You're wrong,” he said, “you've already gotten so much better, Blaine. I know you don't see it. You only focus on what's missing, but you've made so much progress. And there is no magic fix, not one single thing you do and then you're alright again. You've been put through hell, of course that left traces. And now you're recovering. I know you're upset, and I know you're frustrated, but you have to be more patient. You're expecting too much, and you're putting too much pressure onto yourself. Just... take it easy, please, and give yourself the time you need to heal.”
“I'm sick of waiting!”
It was an outburst that he hadn't planned. Kurt looked at him with uncertainty, but now that he had started talking of it, he might as well get it out.
“I'm sick of sitting around and doing nothing and waiting for things to get better on their own, or have everybody else fix them for me.”
Now, Kurt frowned. “This is about before, isn't it?”
Blaine nodded, letting his shoulders hang in defeat. “I did nothing, Kurt, I just sat around and tried to avoid doing anything, and if you hadn't been so persistent, if you hadn't broken the curse, I would be dead now. And I'm so grateful to you, don't get me wrong, you saved my life! But I hate that I was just doing nothing, waiting to be saved. I hate that I was so weak and so... helpless, and I hate that I still am.”
“Blaine...”
“I hate it,” Blaine repeated, and his voice was breaking on the words, “I hate it so much.” He felt even more exhausted now - but he also felt like this was some kind of breakthrough, now that he had finally named his biggest problem. Of course, that didn't help him solving it.
He ran a hand through his hair, and was surprised to find it shaking violently. A moment later, Kurt was holding him close, rubbing his back.
“I'm so sorry,” he said, “but... can I tell you how I see things?”
Confused, Blaine nodded.
“You're not weak - and you weren't weak or helpless under the curse, either. I don't think you understand how amazing you were, really. You fought against those fake memories, even when it was painful, you tried to fight it as much as you could. That was magic, Blaine, you shouldn't have been able to do any of that. You shouldn't have been able to look up those videos, and you shouldn't have wanted to keep me close even against Sebastian's wishes and the curse, and you still did it. Despite all those false memories and the brainwashing, you still came to love me, and then decide to follow your heart. Don't you think that is strength?”
Blaine frowned. He hadn't thought of it like that. All he could think ofhad been what he had put Kurt through, how hard Kurt had to fight, and as far as he himself was concerned, mostly of how he had been running in circles, too scared to break away from Sebastian.
“And Blaine, there's one more thing we need to clear up. I still feel elated when you say it, but... I didn't break the curse.”
Now, Blaine looked at him perplexed. “Yes, you did,” he said.
“Think back,” Kurt said, “you said you remember everything before your seizure. Think about what exactly happened.”
“You wanted to leave,” Blaine said, “and I told you that I love you. Then we kissed, and then... well...”
“No. You kissed me,” Kurt said. “I wouldn't have done it, I was too scared. I thought I had to leave so you wouldn't die. But you risked it, and you kissed me, and you are the one who broke the curse.”
Blaine stared at him. He could feel his pulse reverberate through his whole body. It was such a simple sentence, it was ridiculous that it should feel like such a revelation.
“But I... I didn't do... Did I?” He tried to project every ounce of uncertainty he felt into his gaze, even as this truth settled inside his mind. He had been so convinced of being helpless during it all... it was almost too hard to accept that maybe he hadn't been completely useless after all.
“You broke the curse, Blaine, and you saved yourself,” Kurt said. His gaze was strong and unyielding, proving how convinced he was of this. “And think back on what Nerida said. It never happened to her. You're the first person who managed to break one of her curses. You are not and have not been weak, or helpless. You are exceptional, and I am so proud of you.”
Blaine felt a rush of warmth spreading through him and his first instinct was to lower his eyes, to hide how wet they had become. “Proud” was a word he still reacted strongly to, and anything Kurt said was even more important. He was never insincere, not even with compliments. He also knew Blaine better than anybody else did, and there was no reason to hide any reaction from him, so Blaine kept their eyes locked against his instincts.
“Thank you,” he breathed. The thought was still reeling in his mind. For so long he had thought he had just been passsive, without agency. The mere idea that he had been wrong about it, changed everything.
“I thought it would help,” Kurt said softly, “I know it won't fix everything for you. You will need time to heal completely.”
Blaine nodded weakly. He had heard often enough from Isabelle, and Kurt too, that he needed time to recover from what happened, that he needed to be more patient. He had come to resent the phrase. But now, for the first time, he felt as if it might actually become true. It felt as if a block had dissolved. He knew he wasn't there yet. There was still much he had to deal with. But now, he thought he could at least see a light at the end of the tunnel.
“Are you okay, though?” Kurt asked, flinching at his own question. “I mean-”
“I know what you mean,” Blaine said, bringing their foreheads together. “I'm... I'm not okay. I'm sorry, I wish I was. You've been so patient, and wonderful, and-” He could feel Kurt moving to interrupt, but he had to finish this now, so he shook his head as he framed Kurt's face in his hands, “and I know what you're going to say, that it's not my fault and that I have all the time I need, and okay, I get that - well, I'm starting to get that. This is not me blaming myself, this is me being grateful for all you've done for me, and are still doing for me now. I'm not okay - but I think I'm going to be.”
Kurt's eyes widened. “You do?”
Blaine nodded. “I do,” he said, “I know it won't be easy, and I know it will take time, but in the end... I will be okay.”
Kurt's face lightened up in a ridiculously broad smile, although Blaine only saw it for a few seconds before he rushed forward to bring their lips together. Blaine sighed into the kiss. Right in this moment, he knew with absolute certainty that he was going to be fine, not immediately, but eventually. It wouldn't be easy, and he would need help for it - but now, that he was realizing he hadn't been completely helpless before, needing help wasn't nearly as scary.
“I'll be there every step of the way,” Kurt mutttered against his lips, “whatever you need me to do...”
“I may need you to ask Isabelle for that therapist's number,” Blaine said, “and right now, I really need you to take me home. Today was too much. I haven't felt this exhausted since the curse ended.”
Kurt smiled softly. “Since you broke it,” he corrected him. “And yes, I think I can do that.”
With their hands intertwined, they began the way back home. Beneath the exhaustion, Blaine felt almost peaceful. He wasn't there yet, but maybe today was the first step to moving on. It wouldn't be easy, it wouldn't be quick - but now, with some semblance of peace in his mind and Kurt by his side, he could start to believe in happy ends again.
Rating: R
Pairings: Kurt/Blaine, Blaine/Sebastian
Spoilers: -
Warnings:
Word Count: ~8100
Summary: After a long year of separation, things are finally looking up for Kurt and Blaine. They're ready to start their lives together in New York as an engaged couple. Everything is perfect.
Until it's suddenly not.
Torn apart by forces beyond their understanding, they find themselves alone, facing a world that is just not quite right anymore. A second first meeting of strangers on a staircase brings another chance for love, but is that chance enough for them to find their way back to each other, and can they break the spell before it's too late?
Disclaimer: The characters aren't my property, neither are any song lyrics within this story, just borrowing it all for a bit.
Notes: And here it is, the epilogue and end of the story. Including the time spent planning it, this story has kept me busy for several months now, which is definitely longer than any story has in a while. I'd like to thank everybody, again, for reading, and I hope you had some fun with this fic.
Let's finish it, okay?
Previously...
Epilogue - Where Do We Go From Here?
Blaine was walking through the kitchen at his parents' house. He wasn't quite sure what he was doing here, but it didn't bother him. He could hear his mother's voice, talking on the phone, he could feel the taste of coffee on his tongue. Now that he thought about it, it all seemed strangely muted. The colors weren't right, everything felt cold er than it should be, a bit fuzzy . But it was fine, wasn't it? He didn't have to stay in here. He needed to get outside, because... Well, there was a reason, certainly. Calmly, without knowing why, Blaine left the house and stepped out onto the porch. A car was coming closer, and Blaine knew automatically that this was his destination. He stepped onto the stairs...
...and then, suddenly, there was no ground beneath his feet. He felt like falling, and his heart stopped. Panic clawed up inside him...
And then, Blaine opened his eyes. It was a lot less dramatic than what he had gotten used to. There was no screaming, no panic, no disorientation. He just woke up abruptly, still lying in bed, his heart beat and breathing accelerated, and he was shaking. He closed his eyes again, clenched them shut, really, and tried to ban that feeling of falling. In the darkness, he reached out until he found Kurt's hand. He squeezed it softly, careful to not wake his fiancé. There was no reason to, really, he had only had a nightmare - not even a nightmare, just a weird dream. He got those a lot lately. But it was nothing, not compared to those terrors he had suffered before. He wouldn't go insane about this, he wouldn't worry, and he wouldn't shed another tear about any of this.
When his breathing had calmed down far enough, he sat up, never letting go of Kurt's hand. Blaine looked now, as far as the darkness allowed it, and just watched him sleep.
Kurt looked younger when he was sleeping, more vulnerable without any semblance of having his guard up. He was cleary fast asleep, maybe exhausted from earlier, and Blaine could feel the blood rush into his face at the thought. There was an expression of content and peace in his face. It was beautiful.
Then why did Blaine feel like crying?
It had been two months since Kurt had saved him, since that... thing had stopped, and he was free again. Waking up from the curse had probably been the scariest experience during all of the curse's run. He knew Kurt had been shocked by the seizure he had suffered once the curse had been broken, whereas all Blaine could remember from that was the kiss. But then he had woken up, confined in a metal tube, the hammering of the MRI machine thundering in his skull, and his mind had felt like he was trapped under a waterfall, two years of actual memories crashing back into his head, combined with the realization that something horrible had happened to him, something beyond his understanding, and...
He still shuddered at the memory. It had been overwhelming, and scary, and he had been ridiculously grateful when he had finally been hauled out of the machine and given medication. At least the drugs had calmed him down long enough until Kurt was with him again...
During the following days, the doctors had run every test they could think of, still trying to find out just what was wrong with him. But since the brain scans and blood tests had all been negative, they had eventually come to the conclusion that he suffered from an unusual form of epilepsy, that had only now presented itself as a generalized seizure. He had been prescribed anti-epileptic drugs, and although both he and Kurt were sure that without the curse he wouldn't have any further problems, they had agreed to play it safe and follow the instructions.
After a week, Blaine had been released from the hospital. Kurt had taken him back to the loft, where all his things were already waiting for him. He had finally come home.
He had been glad that he didn't need to go back to the apartment. He never wanted to go back there, and at the time he wouldn't have been able confront Sebastian. Now, he wasn't so sure anymore. At first, Blaine had been sure a confrontation would be inevitable. Sebastian wouldn't go through all that effort with the curse, and then just accept that he failed. But weeks went by and there had been no sign of him. Blaine still wasn't sure how to feel about that. A part of him never wanted to see Sebastian again. But stronger than that instinct, he wished he could have answers, maybe even closure. He wanted to know why.
Blaine sighed in frustration.
Two months... it wasn't that long, not compared to the time it had lasted. Even now, Blaine wasn't sure he really understood what had really happened. He knew, of course, what had happened, and how close he had come to dying - a thought that still scared him. But it was all too much. His memory felt like a puzzle that had been torn apart, the pieces scattered onto the floor. The time he had actually been under the curse was clear - much clearer than he wanted it to be at times. Then there were still those fake memories of two years that never happened, and sometimes Blaine needed to think a moment, until he realized which version of his memory was even real. It could get awkward, when he was talking with his friends, none of whom even remembered what had happened.
Except Kurt, of course. With a sigh, Blaine raised a hand to stroke through his fiancé's hair, and for a moment only focussed on him, on the soft breathing, the strong hand resting in his own. It was already enough to calm him down at least a bit. Kurt always managed to ground him, now more than ever. He had known before that Kurt loved him, but he couldn't have imagined that Kurt loved him so much, enough to deal with everything during these last few months, everything he'd gone through, everything Blaine himself had put him through... But through it all, Kurt had never given up on him, had fought for him and eventually saved him. Blaine knew that if it wasn't for Kurt, he wouldn't be alive by now. Kurt had fought through all this - while Blaine himself had just been sitting around in the metaphorical tower, waiting for the prince to slay the dragon, like the typical damsel in distress.
Just like a fairy tale.
Even now that it was all over, Kurt still had to take care of him. He could function well enough, usually, but there were still too many situations that threw him off - like when he talked about a memory only he had, or when anything reminded him of Sebastian. Then there were those random bouts of melancholy, that he couldn't really describe any better. Sometimes those thoughts just came out of nowhere. He couldn't seem to keep his mind off the curse, no matter how many weeks had passed since then. Isabelle Wright had insisted that he just had to be patient, that time would heal everything, but he couldn't believe her. She had even recommended a therapist to whom he could talk even about thei strange details of the curse. But he wasn't convinced.
Two months had passed. He should be feeling better by now. He should have made some progress at least. Why did he still feel like such a mess? He should be fine by now, but instead he still felt as lost as he had when he had been released from the hospital. He just couldn't move on.
With a sigh, Blaine lay back down onto the mattress and cuddled into Kurt's side. He rested his head on his fiancé's chest and tried to let the strong heart beat lull him to sleep. An arm came up around him and pulled him closer. Even asleep, Kurt was taking care of him... and Blaine was grateful for it, he really was, he just wished he wouldn't need it so much - or that it could just be enough.
But it would be fine. It had to be. Somehow, he'd manage to get a grip on himself. He was alright. He had been saved, he was alive and at least the physical effects of the curse had faded - the psychological ones woulld follow, too. It was nothing. He wouldn't go insane about it, he wouldn't worry, and he wouldn't shed another tear about any of this. Or at least, in the morning he would never admit to it.
Coming home from the diner, all Kurt wanted was a nice hot shower, a bit of quiet and some time to think. As usual with the loft, it didn't quite work out, though for once not in an unpleasant way. The sound of a piano welcomed him even before he had entered the loft. He figured the girls had to be out, since Blaine hardly played when they were home.
Careful to be quiet, Kurt stepped into the loft. As he expected, there was no sign of anyone but Blaine who was sitting at the piano, softly playing a melody Kurt couldn't recognize. It wasn't a happy melody, but it sounded passionate, and alive. It was hauntingly beautiful. Kurt hoped it was a good sign. Music was at least one way in which Blaine could process what he was going through.
Kurt watched him, and it hurt him, too. He had thought it would be so easy. Back then, he hadn't really thought about how things would turn out when the curse was broken. He had imagined Blaine would be safe and recover quickly. What he had expected, was a fairy tale - true love's kiss, and then they lived happily ever after.
As it turned out, reality wasn't so easy.
He really should have seen that coming. After all, Blaine had spent months under that curse, continously trying to fight it while it drained his energy. There were fake memories, the pain of isolation, and even if you ignored all that there was the enormity of a curse that could rip him out of his life, without any chance to stop it from happening... Of course, it wouldn't just all disappear once the curse ended.
And it hadn't. Kurt knew that Blaine didn't sleep well, although the nightmares weren't nearly as bad as those night terrors under the curse. Sometimes, he woke up at night with Blaine gone, only to find him sitting somewhere in the loft, maybe on the window sill, or staring at the piano. Often enough, Blaine got a far-away look and it took some care to bring him back without spooking him.
As the music ended, Kurt approached and put an arm around him. Blaine looked up in surprise, and a smile appeared on his face.
“Hey,” he said and leaned against Kurt, never breaking eye contact, “I didn't hear you.”
“I noticed,” Kurt said. He sat down beside Blaine and pulled him into a half-embrace. “That was really powerful.”
“Hm,” Blaine hummed and rested his head on Kurt's shoulder. “I'm getting good at the tortured art thing.”
Kurt wasn't sure how to respond, but judging from his tone Blaine wasn't bothered right now. He sighed and pulled Blaine even closer. For a moment, they just sat together. Blaine eventually raised a hand and let it wander over the piano keys in a simple melody. Kurt smiled and let his eyes fall close.
At least, Blaine wasn't shutting him out. Even when he got lost in his memories, he would accept, even welcome Kurt's touch and closeness, sometimes even reach out to him. It seemed to calm Blaine down, and Kurt was grateful that he could at least help a bit. But it was only temporary relief.
Kurt sighed, although he tried not to let his own frustration show. He reminded himself that two months was a short time. And even in that time, Blaine had made progress. He still got lost in his jumbled memories, but it had been much worse right after the curse had been broken. The nightmares still happened, but they were more unsettling than actually scaring. It would take time, and they had to be patient.
It was just hard to watch Blaine struggle, and even harder to see his frustration. He knew that Blaine was impatient, frustrated. What he focussed on was that he wasn't alright again, and over that he lost sight of how much better he had gotten already.
Kurt wished there was more that he could do. But “happily ever after” wasn't as easy as he had expected. That was the problem with fairy tales. They put their protagonists through horrible struggle, but never showed the aftermath. Would Snow White ever be able to talk with a stranger without suspecting another assassination attempt by the Queen? Was Little Red Riding Hood ever able to walk through the woods again without fear? And how did Sleeping Beauty ever find back to life in a world that had moved on a hundred years?
Fairy tales weren't helpful, and fairies couldn't do much either. Isabelle could only advise them to give it time and be patient. But it wasn't helping.
It was, of course, all Sebastian's fault, but knowing who was to blame didn't help the least. Kurt had seen the bastard only once since the curse had been broken, when he had gone to get Blaine's things from the apartment. Not for the first time, he wondered whether he should telll Blaine about it, whether it would be helpful to know that Sebastian wasn't getting away with what he did unpunished, or whether it would be best for Blaine not to think about him at all. He still hoped Blaine would ask and take the decision out of his hands. Maybe he'd risk it, if things didn't get better.
Blaine angled his head up. “Now where did you go?” he asked softly, a warm smile on his face.
Kurt blinked. Apparently he could get lost in thoughts just as well as his fiancé. “I'm right here,” he said, bringing their foreheads together.
“I'm glad you are,” Blaine said, and kissed him.
Kurt felt himself sigh into the kiss. He couldn't allow himself to forget that they had moments like this, too - moments when the curse and all its consequences were forgotten and didn't matter, times when it was just them and life was just life. There were good moments, even more than bad ones. He just hoped that one day it would be enough.
A week later, things hadn't improved much. Kurt could see that Blaine was growing more frustrated with every day. Maybe this impatience was keeping him from recovering, or maybe there was something else that kept him from moving on. Kurt couldn't figure it out, and this stupid fashion magazine he was going through for Isabelle wouldn't hold any answers either, no matter how hard he glared at it.
“Well, I don't think that poor model has done anything to deserve this.”
He looked up to find Isabelle standing at his desk. He was ready to apologize for being distracted, but she didn't give him a chance but continued to talk.
“So how is Blaine doing?”
Kurt sighed. “It's complicated. You've seen him, he's better... but not much, and I think it's really getting to him.”
“I can imagine...” Isabelle said. “And I wish we could do more to help him. But as I told you...”
“Only time,” Kurt said, “I know. It's just hard.”
For a moment he thought Isabelle would say something, but eventually she closed her mouth. They knew there was nothing she could say that she hadn't told him already.
“Has he thought about seeing Sarah yet?” Isabelle asked instead.
It took Kurt a moment to place the name. Isabelle had offered to get them in contact with a very discrete therapist, who she had dealt with in the past and who knew enough about fairies and magic to be helpful.
Kurt sighed. “He said he would, but I don't think he's convinced. I think it could help him, but he's already so frustrated... Even if he talked to her, I think he might get impatient and stop again before there were any results.”
Isabelle hummed. “I imagine that would complicate things. But maybe you can talk to him in a quiet moment.”
Kurt sighed. He knew that he would have to talk to Blaine about this sooner or later. But he didn't know where to start, much less what to say - or if he could actually say something helpful.
“I hope I'm not interrupting?”
They both looked up to the door, where Blaine had just entered. Kurt got up quickly and greeted him with a short kiss. He seemed relaxed, so Kurt assumed it had been a good day so far. Blaine kept an arm around him, as he turned to Isabelle to greet her as well.
“It's good to see you,” Isabelle said, “I was just wondering how you were doing.”
Blaine hesitated for a moment, maybe contemplating how honest his answer should be, but eventually he smiled, although not very convincingly. “I'm dealing”, he said non-committedly. “Mostly, I was hoping to take Kurt out for lunch.”
“Of course you can,” Isabelle said. “He's all yours. In fact, Kurt, why don't you take the day off? We have things covered here pretty well”
Kurt shot a quick look to Blaine, who seemed to light up at the offer.
“Thank you, I'll be back Thursday at the latest,” Kurt said to Isabelle.
“Don't worry about it,” she trilled.
“She's in a generous mood,” Blaine commented as they got into the elevator.
“You know how she gets,” Kurt said shrugging. “So how was NYADA today? Insane as usual?”
Blaine laughed. “Pretty much,” he said.
Kurt relaxed as he listened to his fiancé informing him about what madness Cassandra July had come up this time. He felt that this, too, was one of th better moments. He wouldn't tell Blaine, but he had started to try and count the good against the bad moments, although not obsessively. It might be stupid, but he hoped to find eventually that there were more good than bad ones.
Blaine had just finished talking when they stepped out off the building and onto the streets. Kurt was about to ask where they should go eat, when Blaine stopped right in his tracks. Kurt looked at him in confusion, then raised his eyes to the point in from of them Blaine was staring at.
There was a woman on the sidewalk. Kurt couldn't remember seeing her before. Her hair was black, streaked with silver and seemed to flow around her face like water, an impression helped by the tones of blue and sea green she was wearing. The look in her bright blue eyes was full of contempt. Kurt looked back at Blaine, hoping for an explanation. Blaine looked at her mistrustfully, frozen in place.
Eventually, the woman spoke.
“You don't look that special,” she said. Her eyes were fixed on Blaine, as if he was a puzzle she was trying to figure out. Kurt didn't like that look at all. On instinct, he stepped forward so he was standing half in front of Blaine. Only now did the woman even seem to notice him. She gave him a look that could have been aimed at a bug.
“You're her, aren't you?” Blaine asked. “You're the one who did this to me.”
Kurt felt a shudder run down his spine. So this was the fairy godmother.
A tiny smile appeared on Nerida's face. “Not that dull, I see,” she said. “Yes, I'm the one who cast the curse. And you're the one who broke it. I hate to admit it, but I am actually impressed. I'll have you know that has never happened to any magic I cast.”
“So sorry to disappoint you,” Blaine gritted through his teeth.
“I'm not,” she said.
“What do you want from him?” Kurt asked. “Haven't you done enough?”
Nerida let out a melodramatic sigh, as if she was already bored of the conversation. “I don't want anything with the boy. I wanted to take a look at him, that is all. After all, this is a first. And I did lose a charge because of him.”
“What are you talking about?” Blaine asked.
“The backlash, of course. Not that I'd expect you to understand how magic works,” Nerida said.
Blaine frowned. “Wait, what do you mean? What backlash? You're not talking about the seizure I had, are you?”
“I'm talking about my charge,” Nerida replied, “and the price he's paying since his foolish wish fell through.”
Kurt's eyes widened. Suddenly he wished he had told Blaine earlier, but now it would come out anyway...
“You mean Sebastian?” Blaine asked. “You're saying he's actually paying for what he did? I find that hard to believe.”
“A broken curse has its own energy,” Nerida explained, “and it has to go somewhere. He was the easiest outlet. It's a common risk of curses, and one he should have expected. Then again, he was never very observant to the details.”
“He... was?” Blaine asked.
Kurt looked in confusion at Nerida. “What are you talking about?” he asked. “He's not dead.”
She raised her eyebrows. “You've been to see him,” she said, a hint of surprise in her voice.
“You've been what?” Blaine asked.
Kurt closed his eyes for a moment before he turned to Blaine. He wasn't ready for the look of betrayal on his fiancè's face.
“I didn't,” he said immediately, “I didn't visit him or anything. But I saw him when I got your things from the apartment. He was alive then.”
Blaine still looked insecure. “You never said...”
“I didn't mean to upset you,” Kurt said. “I just wasn't sure how you'd react or if it would just make things worse.”
“He is alive,” Nerida said, “though only barely. I wouldn't be much of a fairy godmother if I didn't protect my charge from a curse's backlash.”
“What kind of fairy godmother are you anyway?” Kurt asked, unable to control his anger now. “What kind of fairy goes around cursing people?”
“You humans have a weird idea of fairies,” Nerida said. “You hear fairy godmother and you think of Cinderella. Nobody thinks about the little mermaid's sea witch, or Rumpelstiltskin, or even about the consequences of the Cinderella story, the consequences of a prince spurning all noble families to marry a commoner... You think a fairy has to be good, but a fairy godmother only has to follow her families orders, even if those orders go against the family's own interest, as it happened in this case.
“Do you really think I'd feel sorry for Sebastian?” Blaine asked. “Did you even for a second consider what you put me through?”
“I considered every aspect of it,” Nerida answered, “and I did my duty.”
“Then why are you even here?” Blaine was shouting now. “You put me through hell, and you didn't even care about it, so what do you want from me now?”
She hesitated. “I was curious,” she said, “and I wished to make a suggestion.”
It didn't match her previous haughty tone, and Kurt could see Blaine deflate at the sound of it.
“A suggestion?”
“You should see him,” Nerida said. “He's suffering, wasting away. I don't imagine he will last much longer. His mother wants him taken home to France. He's still resisting, but I doubt he will be able to keep it up much longer. He still has that silly hope that you will come to see him.”
Kur turned around to quickly scan Blaine's reaction. He looked uncertain, but there were signs of conflict, as if he was struggling with himself. To his surprise, Kurt realized that the furstration he was getting familiar with was rising again.
“Is this why you're here? To convince me to visit him?” Blaine asked, a note of disbelief in his voice.
Nerida looked at him with a weird half-smile on her face. “You are upset that I can't give you the answers you're looking for, aren't you?” she asked.
Blaine looked like he wanted to protest for a moment, but then he deflated and shook his head. “You couldn't have them,” he said softly. “You cast the curse... but it wasn't you who did this to me.”
“Blaine, what are you thinking?” Kurt asked, not sure whether he understood correctly.
“She's right,” Blaine said. When he looked back up at Kurt, he seemed apologetic. “I have to see him.”
“No, Blaine, you don't. Let him rot. You don't owe him anything.”
Blaine shook his head. “It's not that,” he said, “I just... I can't go on like this, Kurt. Maybe this will help me move on... or at least give me some kind of closure. If I could just... understand...”
Kurt raised his hand to stop him. “Okay,” he said. It wasn't what he would choose. In fact, he never wanted that bastard to get close to Blaine again. But it wasn't his choice, and if there was the slightest chance that it could help... “Okay,” he said again, “if you're sure... let's try it.”
Blaine sighed in relief and held his hand tighter. “Will you come with me?”
Kurt snorted. “You really think I'd leave you alone for this?”
“Thank you,” Blaine said.
When they turned back to Nerida, she was still mustering Blaine as if he was some unusual puzzle. “You are a strange one,” she said. “He's at his apartment, waiting for his trip to F rance - and you.” She turned around and Kurt was sure she would walk away, but she looked back at them again. “This is not going to bring you peace,” she said.
“Leave that to me,” Blaine said, a scowl on his face.
She shook her head and turned away again, but before she had ended her first step she had disappeared into thin air.
The feeling of dread started to set in as soon as they entered the street, but when they stepped through the building's main entrance, Blaine was almost overwhelmed by it. He felt dizzy, and the mere air felt suffocating. He closed his eyes, tried to ignore how his pulse sped up and nausea settled in his stomach. If Kurt hadn't been there with him, he probably wouldn't have been able to even get into the elevator.
“We don't have to do this,” Kurt said softly. “Not now, or not ever if you don't want to.”
“I told you, I have to,” Blaine said.
Kurt looked as if he was about to protest, but instead he just intertwined their fingers, a silent show of support.
Blaine breathed slowly, focussing on Kurt's hand, and letting his fingers especially rest on the engagement ring on Kurt's finger. They were alright, they were together, and he had no reason to be afraid. Sebastian couldn't touch him.
With another calm breath, he opened the door and stepped inside.
The apartment hadn't changed a bit from his memory. All that was misssing were his own clothes and shoes, but every pice of furniture, every single of those ghastly decorations was just where he remembered. The air felt heavy in his lungs, suffocating. It had never felt like home, but now it seemed lifeless... like a mausoleum, maybe.
As he turned around, his eyes fell to the piano standing in the living room. He could almost feel the keys under his fingers... but he knew, he would never play this particular piano again. For a second, he almost felt sad about it. But he was wasting his time here, procrastianting to get out of what he was really here for. He shook his head and turned towards the bedroom.
Blaine hesitated at the door for a moment, wondering whether he should knock or not, but decided against it, eventually. He wasn't sure whether he was ready for this, but if he was completel honest with himself, he would probably never feel ready.
He could feel Kurt's hand on his back, and it was the last conviction he needed. He nodded shortly, before he opened the door and stepped into the room.
He took a second to let his gaze wander, see if this place, too, hadn't changed. Eventually, his eyes fell to the bed, where Sebastian was lying.
There was a loud gasp for breath, and it took Blaine a moment to realize it had been his.
Wasting was what Nerida had called it. He hadn't had a clear idea of what that meant, but now that he saw it, he knew that there was no other word for it. Sebastian's skin was pale, almost grey. His face was fallen in, his cheeks hollow, as if he'd been starved for a very long time. His eyes were closed, but then he must have heard them. His head turned and his eyes blinked open, slowly. For a moment, he looked into nothing, maybe not even seeing them.
But then, he seemed to recognize Blaine, and his eyes lit up. Unbelievably weak, Sebastian pulled himself up, although he didn't manage to get into a sitting position. It looked like a zombie rising. There was hope in his eyes, when he looked up at Blaine.
“You came,” he whispered, his voice hoarse and hardly even recognizable.
Blaine took a step back on instinct, nearly crashing into Kurt standing behind him. Sebastian's face fell, but Blaine couldn't feel bad for him.
“I... I wanted to see you,” Sebastian said. He sounded as if he was out of breath just from talking. “Nerida... she told me, the curse was broken. I mean... I felt it, obviously.” He chuckled. “Collapsed in the middle of a lecture. Really shocked people...”
Blaine had a bitter taste in his mouth, like rising bile.
“I'm glad you're okay, though,” Sebastian said.
And then, the bile turned into laughter, just as bitter. “Okay? You think I'm okay ?!” He could feel the grip of Kurt's arm around his waist, as if to ground him. It didn't help. “I'm not okay, Sebastian. You don't get it. Do you even have the slightest idea of what you put me through?”
Sebastian now looked as if he was about to cry. “I'm sorry,” he said. Blaine never thought he would ever hear those words from Sebastian, but it still didn't help. “I made a mistake,” Sebastian continued, “I never should have put that spell on you. I wouldn't do it again. You have to believe me. I never wanted to hurt you.”
“You didn't want to hurt me?” Blaine repeated. He felt the same bitter laughter rise gain, but suppressed it. He still felt light-headed from it, though. “You put a curse on me! You almost killed me!”
“I didn't know it would end like this...”
But Blaine couldn't stop himself now. “You didn't care! You didn't even think it through. Even now, that's the only part you even realize you did wrong, isn't it? If the curse hadn't almost killed me, you'd still think it was the right thing to do, wouldn't you?”
He could feel Kurt's arm holding him even tighter. He was grateful for the support, more grateful that Kurt wasn't interrupting, aallowing hi to get out what he needed to say.
“I'm sorry you got hurt,” Sebastian said weakly, “but I didn't mean for this to happen. We could have been happy together.”
“No, we couldn't!” Blaine glared at him, trying to let all the anger and frustration that had built up inside him pour out. “Don't you get it? What you tried to do was to destroy my life.”
“All I wanted was a chance,” Sebastian said.
“You tore me away, not only from the love of my life, but from absolutely every person and every thing I cared about! You turned me into a zombie, you kept me isolated, you... you made me think I was losing my mind - that I was messed up and just had to get a grip on myself. And then you acted like you were so benevolent for even putting up with me. Don't you see anything wrong with all that?”
Sebastian closed his eyes. “I... I didn't think it through,” he said softly, “I just thought I could be with you. I thought we could be happy together...”
“I was happy,” Blaine said. He felt exhausted, now. “Everything was working out for me - until you took it all away.”
“But you are alright now, aren't you?” Sebastian asked. “You're safe.”
Blaine stared at him. “I'm safe,” he agreed softly, “but I'm not alright.” He could hear Kurt's sharp intake of breath at this. It was something they both knew, but that neither of them had said out loud before. “I sometimes feel as if I'll never be, not completely. You did something horrible to me... and you still don't understand. You have no idea what you've done to me.”
“Blaine, please, I was only-”
“Stop.” Blaine shook his head and sighed. “I don't want to hear your excuses,” he said, “all I want to know is why.”
The look on Sebastian's face was pure confusion. “You know why...” he muttered.
“No, I don't,” Blaine insisted. “Just tell my why you did this to me.”
Sebastian's frown deepened. “I just wanted us to be together. And we never had a chance. I just wanted that, a chance. Because... I love you.”
A gasp left Blaine's throat. He wasn 't sure himself if he was laughing or sobbing. “Love?” he repeated. “Just stop with the lies! Look at yourself, why are you still dong this?” He looked from Sebastian's confusion to Kurt, who looked just as upset as he felt. “Unless...” Blaine muttered and looked back “You actually believe that?”
Sebastian looked heartbroken now. On some level Blaine knew that under other circumstances, that look alone might make him feel guilty. But now, there was nothing. “I mean it,” Sebastian said softly.
Blaine shook his head. And he had actually thought, this could help him... and once again, he had been wrong. “That's not love,” he said. “The things you've done to me? Nobody could do that to somebody they love.”
“But I-”
“Just shut up.” There was no vehemence behind his words, but even saying them was uncharacteristic for him. “You don't love me. I was just a toy to you, and you got obsessed with me because you couldn't have me. And do you know what's the saddest thing about it? Once you had me, you didn't even know what to do with me.”
“Then why did you come?” Sebastian asked him. “If you don't believe a thing I said, then why are you here?”
Blaine closed his eyes. “I was wrong,” he said, “I thought if I could just understand why you did this to me that I could move on. But you're not helping. You're just a shell now - and I don't think you even understand what you were trying to do yourself.” Blaine turned around to Kurt, as if he was looking for help. Kurt was looking at him as if his heart was breaking.
“Why did you want Blaine to come here?” he asked. His presence was the only source of warmth.
“I was hoping you would forgive me.”
Blaine turned back to him. “Forgive you,” he repeated.
Sebastian had at least enough deceny to look ashamed. “I know I don't deserve it,” he said.
“Damn right, you don't,” Kurt muttered.
“But I know I did wrong, and I'm sorry I did it. Don't you think I've been punished enough with this? I might be dying, Blaine. I might never recover from this. Don't you think you can forgive me?”
Blaine sighed. Whatever he had hoped to find here, he knew he wouldn't. He felt wrung out, too exhausted to even stay completely upright. He closed his eyes for a moment, seeking for strength without finding any. It was pointless. And through his exhaustion, maybe even enhanced by it, the answer was abolutely clear and inevitable. It might have surprised him at some other point in time, but right now he was just too tired.
“No,” Blaine said. “I can't forgive you.”
Sebastian looked at him, despair in his eyes.
“But I'm dying. You can't want that.”
“It's not about what I want. I look at you, and even like this... I feel nothing. There's no anger, and there's no hatred, and there is no compassion, either. To be frank, Sebastian, I don't care what happens to you - as long as I never have to see you again.”
He turned around, but not without catching a glaance on the expression on Sebastian's face. It should have been heart-breaking, but Blaine had told the truth. He felt nothing. Kurt was still behind him, and looked at him with a concerned frown. There was a silent question in his eyes, but Blaine shook his head. Not here, he had to get out of this apartment. The air was suffocating. Kurt nodded, and a moment later they were out of the room.
Blaine didn't look up the whole way down and until they were out of the building. Only then did he feel like he could breathe again. He stopped and just stayed where he was for a few seconds, inhaling deeply. He felt his whole body shudder, and for a moment he had the terrifying thought that he might go into another seizure. The fear upset him even more.
Kurt took his hand, and Blaine let himself be drawn into a tight embrace. He took another shuddering breath and tried to calm down. It was over, and he had nothing to be upset about. But now, that he didn't stand in the apartment anymore, the all to familiar frustration set in again. Seeing Sebastian hadn't helped. If he took a moment to think about it, Blaine realized that he hadn't even had a clear idea on how it was supposed to help. He had hoped he would find out why this had happened, but all the answers he had gotten were more of Sebastian's delusions.
Why couldn't it just be over?
Kurt was stroking over his head. “Are you okay?” he asked softly.
Blaine made a sound that was somewhere between laughing and sobbing. “Do I look okay?” he asked.
Something flashed over Kurt's face and Blaine felt guilty. None of this was Kurt's fault. Blaine turned away and concentrated on his breathing again. Kurt stayed close and kept one arm around him. Blaine felt a surge of gratitude. Somehow, Kurt always knew what he needed to do to ground him.
“I really thought this could help,” Blaine said finally. His breathing was under control again, but he had problems making sense of the mess of his emotions.
“I'm sorry,” Kurt said, “I should have told you.”
Blaine shook his head. “It doesn't matter. Even seeing him like this... It doesn't change anything. I don't even know what I expected. But I don't even get any satisfaction from seeing him pay. Like I said, there's nothing. And I thought this would give me some kind of closure... but it doesn't change anything.”
“That doesn't have to be a bad thing,” Kurt said carefully.
Blaine turned back to him. He tried to keep his frustration out of his voice, to not put it all on Kurt, but he knew some of it was bleeding in. “I don't know what to do anymore, Kurt. Nothing works, nothing helps. It's been over two months and I'm still the same mess I was when I got out of the hospital. Why can't I just get over it?”
A strict expression shot into Kurt's face. “You're wrong,” he said, “you've already gotten so much better, Blaine. I know you don't see it. You only focus on what's missing, but you've made so much progress. And there is no magic fix, not one single thing you do and then you're alright again. You've been put through hell, of course that left traces. And now you're recovering. I know you're upset, and I know you're frustrated, but you have to be more patient. You're expecting too much, and you're putting too much pressure onto yourself. Just... take it easy, please, and give yourself the time you need to heal.”
“I'm sick of waiting!”
It was an outburst that he hadn't planned. Kurt looked at him with uncertainty, but now that he had started talking of it, he might as well get it out.
“I'm sick of sitting around and doing nothing and waiting for things to get better on their own, or have everybody else fix them for me.”
Now, Kurt frowned. “This is about before, isn't it?”
Blaine nodded, letting his shoulders hang in defeat. “I did nothing, Kurt, I just sat around and tried to avoid doing anything, and if you hadn't been so persistent, if you hadn't broken the curse, I would be dead now. And I'm so grateful to you, don't get me wrong, you saved my life! But I hate that I was just doing nothing, waiting to be saved. I hate that I was so weak and so... helpless, and I hate that I still am.”
“Blaine...”
“I hate it,” Blaine repeated, and his voice was breaking on the words, “I hate it so much.” He felt even more exhausted now - but he also felt like this was some kind of breakthrough, now that he had finally named his biggest problem. Of course, that didn't help him solving it.
He ran a hand through his hair, and was surprised to find it shaking violently. A moment later, Kurt was holding him close, rubbing his back.
“I'm so sorry,” he said, “but... can I tell you how I see things?”
Confused, Blaine nodded.
“You're not weak - and you weren't weak or helpless under the curse, either. I don't think you understand how amazing you were, really. You fought against those fake memories, even when it was painful, you tried to fight it as much as you could. That was magic, Blaine, you shouldn't have been able to do any of that. You shouldn't have been able to look up those videos, and you shouldn't have wanted to keep me close even against Sebastian's wishes and the curse, and you still did it. Despite all those false memories and the brainwashing, you still came to love me, and then decide to follow your heart. Don't you think that is strength?”
Blaine frowned. He hadn't thought of it like that. All he could think ofhad been what he had put Kurt through, how hard Kurt had to fight, and as far as he himself was concerned, mostly of how he had been running in circles, too scared to break away from Sebastian.
“And Blaine, there's one more thing we need to clear up. I still feel elated when you say it, but... I didn't break the curse.”
Now, Blaine looked at him perplexed. “Yes, you did,” he said.
“Think back,” Kurt said, “you said you remember everything before your seizure. Think about what exactly happened.”
“You wanted to leave,” Blaine said, “and I told you that I love you. Then we kissed, and then... well...”
“No. You kissed me,” Kurt said. “I wouldn't have done it, I was too scared. I thought I had to leave so you wouldn't die. But you risked it, and you kissed me, and you are the one who broke the curse.”
Blaine stared at him. He could feel his pulse reverberate through his whole body. It was such a simple sentence, it was ridiculous that it should feel like such a revelation.
“But I... I didn't do... Did I?” He tried to project every ounce of uncertainty he felt into his gaze, even as this truth settled inside his mind. He had been so convinced of being helpless during it all... it was almost too hard to accept that maybe he hadn't been completely useless after all.
“You broke the curse, Blaine, and you saved yourself,” Kurt said. His gaze was strong and unyielding, proving how convinced he was of this. “And think back on what Nerida said. It never happened to her. You're the first person who managed to break one of her curses. You are not and have not been weak, or helpless. You are exceptional, and I am so proud of you.”
Blaine felt a rush of warmth spreading through him and his first instinct was to lower his eyes, to hide how wet they had become. “Proud” was a word he still reacted strongly to, and anything Kurt said was even more important. He was never insincere, not even with compliments. He also knew Blaine better than anybody else did, and there was no reason to hide any reaction from him, so Blaine kept their eyes locked against his instincts.
“Thank you,” he breathed. The thought was still reeling in his mind. For so long he had thought he had just been passsive, without agency. The mere idea that he had been wrong about it, changed everything.
“I thought it would help,” Kurt said softly, “I know it won't fix everything for you. You will need time to heal completely.”
Blaine nodded weakly. He had heard often enough from Isabelle, and Kurt too, that he needed time to recover from what happened, that he needed to be more patient. He had come to resent the phrase. But now, for the first time, he felt as if it might actually become true. It felt as if a block had dissolved. He knew he wasn't there yet. There was still much he had to deal with. But now, he thought he could at least see a light at the end of the tunnel.
“Are you okay, though?” Kurt asked, flinching at his own question. “I mean-”
“I know what you mean,” Blaine said, bringing their foreheads together. “I'm... I'm not okay. I'm sorry, I wish I was. You've been so patient, and wonderful, and-” He could feel Kurt moving to interrupt, but he had to finish this now, so he shook his head as he framed Kurt's face in his hands, “and I know what you're going to say, that it's not my fault and that I have all the time I need, and okay, I get that - well, I'm starting to get that. This is not me blaming myself, this is me being grateful for all you've done for me, and are still doing for me now. I'm not okay - but I think I'm going to be.”
Kurt's eyes widened. “You do?”
Blaine nodded. “I do,” he said, “I know it won't be easy, and I know it will take time, but in the end... I will be okay.”
Kurt's face lightened up in a ridiculously broad smile, although Blaine only saw it for a few seconds before he rushed forward to bring their lips together. Blaine sighed into the kiss. Right in this moment, he knew with absolute certainty that he was going to be fine, not immediately, but eventually. It wouldn't be easy, and he would need help for it - but now, that he was realizing he hadn't been completely helpless before, needing help wasn't nearly as scary.
“I'll be there every step of the way,” Kurt mutttered against his lips, “whatever you need me to do...”
“I may need you to ask Isabelle for that therapist's number,” Blaine said, “and right now, I really need you to take me home. Today was too much. I haven't felt this exhausted since the curse ended.”
Kurt smiled softly. “Since you broke it,” he corrected him. “And yes, I think I can do that.”
With their hands intertwined, they began the way back home. Beneath the exhaustion, Blaine felt almost peaceful. He wasn't there yet, but maybe today was the first step to moving on. It wouldn't be easy, it wouldn't be quick - but now, with some semblance of peace in his mind and Kurt by his side, he could start to believe in happy ends again.