Fic: Once More With Feeling, Chapter 9/14
Title: Once More With Feeling (9/14+Epilogue)
Rating: R
Pairings: Kurt/Blaine, Blaine/Sebastian
Spoilers: -
Warnings:
Word Count: ~5700
Summary: After a long year of separation, things are finally looking up for Kurt and Blaine. They're ready to start their lives together in New York as an engaged couple. Everything is perfect.
Until it's suddenly not.
Torn apart by forces beyond their understanding, they find themselves alone, facing a world that is just not quite right anymore. A second first meeting of strangers on a staircase brings another chance for love, but is that chance enough for them to find their way back to each other, and can they break the spell before it's too late?
Disclaimer: The characters aren't my property, neither are any song lyrics within this story, just borrowing it all for a bit.
Notes: So, in this chapter there's some friendly, completely unbiased, bar-tenderly advise, and Blaine tries to get things in order, which all things considered turns out better than expected.
Previously...
Chapter 9 - What Can't We Face?
“Hey, Kurt, I thought you had the day off.”
“I have to see Isabelle,” Kurt said without paying much attention to Chase. He wasn't even here for work. All he wanted was some information and then go and crawl up in his bed, waiting for death.
He had ruined absolutely everything. God, what had he been thinking?
Well, he had thought that he could just snap Blaine out of this curse and make him remember everything, like when Isabelle had used that fairy dust on him.
Instead, Blaine didn't remember a thing and probably thought Kurt was a creep, pretending to be his friend and then making a move on him. And now, he had made everything worse than it had been before.
Isabelle was in her office, and it was even more of a mess than it had been yesterday. There were those old tomes, with some of the more usual magazines scattered around them, and on her desk there was a portfolio of designs that even on first glance looked scarily absurd.
“No disturbances, I have to get this right!” she yelled without looking up. “Oh, Chase, how do you feel about a leather-satin mix?”
“Er... not the first thing I'd go with,” Kurt said.
Isabelle looked up at his voice. “Kurt? Oh, what are you doing here? Has something happened?”
“Well, yes,” Kurt said, “I tried it, Isbelle, but it didn't work, he didn't remember anything at all. How could that happen?”
“Wait, wait, wait, tried what?” Isabelle asked, and suddenly she looked almost scared. “Oh my god, you did not tell him about it, did you?”
“No, I didn't get that far,” Kurt said, “and I still don't exactly get why I can't, but... True love's kiss, you said that breaks curses, but it didn't.”
“No, no, I did not say that, I said it's usually something like that,” Isbalele said, “and that it could be anything. And what do you mean, it didn't work? Sit down, tell me, what happened?”
Kurt sighed, but followed her advice. He took several deep breaths trying to calm down enough to explain to her exactly what happened, which eventually didn't end up taking that long.
When he was done, Isabelle looked at him with an expression full of pity.
“Oh poor dear,” she said, “I'm so sorry, but that could not have possibly worked. Even if true love's kiss was the solution, it wouldn't have broken the curse.”
“But I kissed him,” Kurt protested.
“You did,” Isabelle said, “but it's never just a kiss. It's true love's kiss, that's something way more special.”
Kurt loooked at her in confusion. “But I do love him!”
“I know you do,” Isabelle said, “Anyone who ever hears you talk about him would know that, and if that isn't true love then I don't know what is. To put it frankly, you're not the problem here.”
“If it's not me, then...” He stopped, as he realized just what she was saying. “You think he doesn't love me? I can't believe you're saying this, you haven't even spoken to him, how could you possibly know if he loves me?”
“How could he?” Isabelle replied. “Think about it, Kurt, just... really, really think about it. That poor boy is basically the curse's epicenter. He has lost a huge chunk of his memory, including everything about you. To him, you're a boy he met only a few weeks ago. Even if there is a certain attraction there, it's not love, not yet. I'm not saying he didn't love you before the curse hit, but right now? He simply doesn't.”
“Then how am I supposed to get him out of there?” Kurt asked. He couldn't sit still. Without even deciding on it, he found himself pacing the room. “I thought it could work, to just remind him of us, and then we'd be fine, but I can't do that now, can I?”
“That's why I told you to be subtle and lure him away from that horrible boy,” Isabelle reminded him.
“Somehow I don't think me kissing him helped a lot with my chances there,” Kurt replied.
“Then you have to talk to him. Apologize, tell him you were out of line and that it won't happen again. Your one chance is to salvage your friendship. He won't listen to you if he thinks you're trying to woo him.”
“Woo...” Kurt started, but gave up on that fight. “Do you think he'll forgive me?”
“That depends on how sincere you are, I guess,” Isabelle said, “but the most important thing is that you don't tell him about the curse. I've seen that happen before, and it's not pretty. The human brain is not built to deal with dual realities, and being forced to do so would hurt him, a lot. I've seen people die under the strain. Don't do that to him.”
Kurt felt the blood drain from his face. He hadn't been aware that it was this dangerous. “I won't,” he said softly.
“Good,” Isabelle said. “I'm sorry I can't be of more help to you, but the this is a very complicated matter.”
“It probably would have been too easy if it worked like in the fairy tales, hm?” Kurt said. „True love's kiss...“
“Well...” Isabelle seemed to hesitate, but eventually she continued. “Don't give up on that completely, it could still happen.”
“What do you mean?”
Isabelle smiled at him, and for the first time he saw a little bit of hope there. “You say he's your soulmate... in that case, you are going to find back to each other, I'm sure of it. Just because he doesn't remember doesn't mean he can't fall in love with you again. You just have to win his love once more. You did it before, I'm sure you have it in you. But for now, don't put him under pressure. The best thing you can do for him at the moment is just to be a friend.”
Kurt sighed, but nodded. A friend? He could do that. Blaine was, after all, his best friend as well as his love. He would manage, at least for now - if he could get another chance.
This time, Blaine didn't hesitate as he entered the Spotlight Diner. He was nervous, and he wasn't completely sure of what he was going to tell Kurt. But the one thing he knew was that he had to make sure Kurt and him were okay. This would be awkward and uncomfortable, but they could do it. They would get over this. Blaine wasn't sure how to stay sane without him.
Fortunately, things looked really quiet at the moment as he looked around in the diner. A few customers, but the rush around noon had died down, so at least he'd be able to have a conversation with Kurt - well, if he could convince him, that is. But as he looked around, he realized that he couldn't see Kurt anywhere. He hesitated. He had been so sure that Kurt was going to work here this afternoon. Maybe he was somewhere in the kitchen, or outside, or...
“Blaine?”
He looked up when he heard his name. It was Kurt's friend, Rachel, dressed up in her waitress uniform and walking up to him.
“Uh, hi Rachel,” Blaine said, “is Kurt here?”
“Oh, no, he switched shifts,” Rachel replied, “although that really was on short notice, I don't know what's up with him. Do you know something?”
Blaine gulped. He could feel the blush forming in his face.
“Oh my god, you do!” Rachel said. “Is everything okay? Did you two fight?”
Blaine sighed. “It's... a bit complicated,” he said. “But I really need to talk to him.”
For a moment, Rachel looked as if she wanted to start a monologue, but then she focused on him. “You seem really upset,” she said. “I'm not sure where he is, he said he was going to Vogue and who knows how long that'll take him... but maybe, if you want to talk, I could listen?”
Blaine hesitated. He was really hoping he could talk to Kurt, but now it sounded as if it would be more difficult to get hold of him than he'd expected. Of course, they'd see each other in NYADA soon enough, but between classes and his two jobs Blaine realized that it would be quite easy for Kurt to avoid any serious conversation.
“Do you even have time?” Blaine asked to stall. “I wouldn't want to keep you from your work.”
“Oh, please, look around, nothing's going on here,” Rachel said with a shrug. “Come on, let's sit down, and then you tell me what's bothering you.”
Blaine still wasn't completely sure. But he wouldn't be able to meet Kurt right now, and maybe talking to someone really was what he needed to get his thoughts in order. Yesterday, talking to Rachel had made him feel a lot better and more confident about where he was standing. Maybe it could work again? Besides, who else could he talk to? Sebastian could never find out about this, and while he really wanted to discuss this with Kurt, it might not be the best way to figure out just what he was thinking. Suddenly, he really missed his brother. They hadn't been close in ages, but how good would it be if they could just talk to each other and confide in each other like normal siblings did?
“Okay,” he said eventually, “just... stop me when I start rambling, please?”
Rachel clapped into her hands excitedly and pulled him over to a stool at the bar. Quickly, she stepped behind it, took a glass and started wiping it.
“What are you doing?” Blaine asked warily.
“I'm being the friendly barkeeper listening to you sharing your worries, of course,” Rachel said. She glared a bit when he laughed. “Oh, shut up, I always wanted to do that.”
“Okay, fine, then. I just... I'm not really sure where I should start,” Blaine admitted.
“Hm, we could catch up from yesterday,” Rachel suggested. “How did it go with your boyfriend?”
Not exactly the subject he had wanted to talk about, but it was a start. “We... kind of made up,” Blaine admitted. “At first when I came home we fought again, but then...” He stopped. Somehow he couldn't finish the sentence, didn't even know the words anymore that were needed to end it, or what he had been trying to say.
“Then what?” Rachel asked.
“We made up,” Blaine repeated softly. “I mean, we... he apologized to me. He was really sorry for hurting me, and he said it won't happen again.” There had been something else. But what...?
“Do you believe him?” Rachel asked, interrupting his thoughts.
Blaine shrugged lightly. “I'm... not sure,” he said, “I do think he means it. I'm just not sure how long that will last.”
“Wow,” Rachel said thoughtfully, “that's kind of rough, isn't it? That you can't trust him enough to know that?”
Blaine sighed, but somehow she had helped his mind find another track, one that it could actually follow. “It should be,” he admitted, “but it kind of doesn't feel like it. It's complicated. But I just want to believe it for now. It's been rough for a while. It would be really nice to have things calm down.”
“Well...” Rachel said, but then bit her lip.
“What?” Blaine asked.
“Is calm really enough?” Rachel asked. “Wouldn't you prefer being happy?”
Blaine stared at her. For a moment, he flashed back to the feeling of Kurt kissing him. He gulped and tried to think of something else. “I... I'd like both,” he admitted finally. “I told you, it's complicated.”
“Hm, yeah, I know what that feels like,” Rachel said. “Well, not your specific situation, but relationships... they're kind of difficult.”
“Really? Are you having trouble, too?” Blaine asked with concern.
“Not right now,” Rachel said, “let's just say, there have been occasions. But we were talking about you, weren't we? Let's get back to that.”
Blaine smiled at her and sighed. “Well, that's about it,” he said, “we're trying to keep things calm right now and be respectful of each other and all that jazz, so... let's see how that works.”
Rachel hummed, put away the glass and leaned over the bar. “That doesn't explain why you're here, though, if everything is calm at the moment.”
“Well, with Sebastian, yes,” Blaine said, “everything's calm with him, that's not why I came here.”
“Is it Kurt?” Rachel asked. “Is that why you wanted to see him? Did something happen?”
Blaine's eyes widened and he just knew he was blushing again. Great, he hadn't even decided on how much he actually wanted to tell Rachel, but she'd have to be blind to miss his reaction.
“Oh my god, something did happen,” she exclaimed. “What was it, is he okay? What... what happened?”
And now she looked worried as well as curious.
“N-nothing bad,” he said quickly. “I mean... I don't know. I'm not sure yet. It's just... he's okay, Kurt is okay. I'm just not sure yet whether we are.”
“What do you mean?” Rachel asked.
“I... Rachel... I...” He stopped, took a deep breath and then looked back at her. “You can't tell anyone, Rachel, and especially not Kurt that I told you this,” he said.
Rachel leaned forward with a completely serious expression on her voice. “I swear,” she said.
Blaine took another deep breath before he continued. “I... I think Kurt has feelings for me.”
“Oh.” Rachel's face got completely blank from one second to the other, as if she was carefully trying not to let anything on. It would have been enough to convince him he was right about Kurt's feelings, even if the kiss had still left any doubts.
“You knew that already, didn't you?” he asked.
“W-what? No! You're ridiculous!” Rachel said. “I mean... he knows you have a boyfriend. He just really cares about you a lot. Platonically, I mean.”
“Oh my god, you knew,” Blaine said. “You knew! Wait, you're his roommate, of course you knew. I'm sorry, it's just... I didn't. Know, that is. And now I do, and I really don't know what to do.”
“Did he say anything?” Rachel asked.
“No, he didn't,” Blaine said. His mouth had been busy at the time.
Rachel still wasn't convinced, though. “Then what? Why are you so sure? Couldn't you have just misunderstood something, and now you keep misunderstanding? Maybe it was completely innocent.”
“He kissed me.”
The words came out much softer than Blaine had expected, and as he spoke them his eyes closed involuntarily. For a moment, he could almost feel it again, and that flutter in his chest was back. He shook his head and opened his eyes again. Not helping. Rachel's eyes were wide now, and her mouth formed a surprised “oh”.
“He... oh...” She took another glass and started drying it. “Well, I guess that is pretty unambiguous,” she said. “He... he kissed you. How did that happen?”
On instinct, Blaine looked around, but obviously there was nobody who knew him around, so he leaned forward and continued. “I was just about to go to class, when I heard him call for me. And then he just came up to me, held my face and kissed me.”
Rachel's eyes widened, and he could tell she was getting really interested by now. “How was it?” she asked.
The question took himm by surprise, but now that she was prompting him... Blaine exhaled shakily as he now actually allowed his mind wander back to those few seconds, the way Kurt's lips had moved against his, how warm it had felt, and so, so soft...
“Wow,” Rachel muttered, not taking her eyes from his face, “that good?”
For a second, Blaine feared he had just spoken aloud, but apparently Rachel had read all that just from his face.
“I...” He sighed, but eventually, he gave up. “...you have no idea,” he finished. “I... I don't think I've ever been kissed like that.”
“Okay, you can't just say that and leave it at that,” Rachel said, “come on, Anderson, details!”
Blaine blinked at her, and for a moment it dawned on him that this might have been a horrible idea, but eventually he couldn't keep it in any longer. That was after all what friends were for, to share these things he couldn't tell anybody else, and suddenly the words just burst out of him.
Rachel listened, her expression getting more intense with every second, as if she was drinking in every single word coming out of his mouth, and the more she listened, the more Blaine forgot any filters. As he finally finished, she looked at him with something very much akin to jealousy.
“Damn,” she muttered, “you're a lucky man, Blaine Anderson.”
He laughed shakily, not sure whether he should agree or if that was the biggest lie he'd ever heard.
“How did you react?” she asked, and the glee he'd felt a moment before evaporated.
“I... kind of... pushed him away,” he said, not meeting Rachel's eyes, “...and then he fell. To the floor.”
“What?!” Rachel looked absolutely scandalized now, and before he knew what was going on, she hit him with the dish towel.
“Hey! What was that for?”
“I can't believe you did that!” she said.
“I... I can't believe he did that!” Blaine replied. “I have a boyfriend, remember? We just talked about him five minutes ago.”
Rachel blinked. “Oh. Right... you do,” she said. She actually looked disappointed now.
“So you see my problem?” Blaine asked. “We're not like that, Rachel. We're just friends, and friends don't kiss each other like that. Or at all, but especially not like... that,” he finished lamely. “And Sebastian is already so jealous of Kurt. I can't keep spending time with Kurt if he's kissing me.”
“But you can spend time with him if he just kissed you once and you pretend it never happened?” Rachel asked skeptically.
“That's not what I mean,” Blaine said, “I do want to talk to Kurt about this... but I can't be his friend if he's hitting on me. I just... He's my best friend, Rachel. I don't know what I'd do without him. But I have a boyfriend, and I need him to respect that. Otherwise I don't think this is going to work.”
Rachel sighed. “This really is complicated, isn't it?” she said.
“Tell me about it,” Blaine muttered.
“Are you going to tell your boyfriend?” Rachel asked.
“Absolutely not,” Blaine replied immediately, “he'd flip out if I told him, and then he'd insist again that I don't see Kurt anymore - and I couldn't even blame him. I probably shouldn't, anyway, but...” He sighed again. He didn't even know why, but the mere thought of not seeing Kurt again was too scary to even consider.
“Okay, I think I get it,” Rachel said, “but can I ask you one more question?”
“Sure, go ahead,” Blaine said.
“You do realize you're more scared of losing Kurt as your best friend than about losing your boyfriend, don't you?”
“I don't really think I'm risking losing Sebastian,” Blaine said. And wow, phrased like that it sounded kind of cold.
“But your priority in all this is not to lose Kurt,” Rachel insisted.
“...yes,” Blaine admitted finally. “That kind of makes me a horrible person, doesn't it? Or at least a horrible boyfriend...”
“Yeah, well, from what I've heard your boyfriend isn't going to win any prizes, either,” Rachel said in an attempt to lighten up the mood.
Blaine just looked up at her and sighed. “Not helping,” he said.
“Look, Blaine, I don't think you're horrible,” Rachel said softly. “You're just a little confused at the moment. You really need to take some time and figure out what you actually want.”
“That sounds like a good idea,” Blaine admitted, although he did hesitate a little.
“I have to insist on one thing, though,” Rachel said, and now she was completely serious. „About Kurt.“
“What is it?”
“He's my best friend, too. So, whatever you do, please be careful with him. I don't want him to get hurt, so don't lead him on. Just... be honest with him, okay? If you don't want to be with him like that, don't give him false hope. No mixed signals, no 'I can't be with you right now', nothing. Just be clear on where you're standing. Think you can do that?”
Blaine sighed in relief. “I think I can,” he said. “Well, if I get him to talk to me.”
Rachel hummed. “Actually, I have an idea for that. What are your plans for today?”
Maybe he could convince Blaine that he'd developed a split personality - or possibly had a secret twin he'd never mentioned who'd just esacped from a mental insitution.
Kurt's excuses were getting more horrible the harder he tried to come up with something.
For a moment there he had actually been hopeful, but apparently he had deluded himself. And he knew it was because of the curse, that Blaine didn't remember him, didn't know anymore what they had... it was still painful to be pushed away. And it was all Sebastian's fault.
Would Blaine turn away from him now? Kurt had to admit it would be the logical reaction, but the mere thought made his skin crawl. Sebastian would like that, keeping Blaine even closer to himself and away from other people...
With a sigh, Kurt let his head rest on the table. If only hiding back here in the loft's kitchen was an actual option... He had managed to get out of his shift at the diner today, and Isabelle had sent him home again. At least he had some privacy to wallow in self-pity, with Rachel working and Santana being out with Dani. He looked to his watch and figured that Rachel should be back within maybe an hour.
He had just come to that conclusion, when he heard a key in the lock and the door to the loft opened. It couldn't be Santana, her texts were clear on that, so maybe Rachel haad gotten out of her shift early.
“Kill me now, Rachel, I ruined everything,” he announced, hoping for a sympathetic ear and maybe a piece of advice on how he should face Blaine tomorrow.
Instead, he got a nervous chuckle. “Um... not Rachel,” the voice said and Kurt froze. “And stop this, please... you didn't. I promise, you didn't.”
“Blaine?” Kurt looked up from where he had hidden his face, incredulous to what he'd heard. But yes, there was Blaine, standing in his loft with Rachel's ridiculous plush animal keychain in his hand. He was wearing the same clothes as earlier, though slightly crumpled. His hair was dishevelled and Kurt could swear there were dark shadows under his eyes. He looked exhausted, uncertain, but there was a spark of determination in his eyes.
“What are you doing here?” Kurt asked as Blaine came closer and stopped before the table.
“I wanted to talk to you, but you weren't at the diner,” Baline explained, “but I talked to Rachel and she... well, she gave me her key so I could come see you here. So we could talk. May I sit?”
“Of course,” Kurt said and pushed out a chair for Blaine. “I really owe you an apology. I don't know what came over me, but I'm so sorry. I swear it won't ever happen again, and I'm really sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”
“You did,” Blaine said as he sat down. “But I'm sorry too, for how I reacted.”
“No, you don't need to apologize for anything. I really can't believe I did that to you, I know how traumatizing an unexpected kiss like that can be...”
“Whoa, slow down,” Blaine said. “Traumatizing? I was surprised, not anywhere near traumatized. Don't worry, you're not that bad at kissing.”
Kurt let out a laugh, not knowing how to react to that. “Still, I shouldn't have,” he said eventually.
“You shouldn't,” Blaine agreed. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, loosening a few more of his curls. “I have a boyfriend. I know we're having a rough spot at the moment, but we're trying to work things out. Actually trying, not just pretending everything is fine. But that means I can't do anything that endangers our relationship. Sebastian is already jealous enough about you. And now you kissed me.”
“Did you tell him?” Kurt asked.
“No, and I'm not going to,” Blaine said. He looked up and there was a hint of fear in his eyes. “I don't know how he'd react... but I can't see it going well. One thing I know for sure is that he'd insist I'd stop seeing you. It wouldn't even be unreasonable. And then I'd have to comply with that, at least if we're trying to make this relationship work.”
Kurt felt his throat close up. “Is that what you want? That I... stay away from you?”
“What?” Blaine's eyes widened in shock. “No! No, Kurt, that is the last thing I want. You're my best friend, I don't want to lose you.”
Kurt sighed in relief. “You're my best friend, too,” he said. His voice was just as shaky as Blaine's. “So what do we do?”
“We stay friends,” Blaine said. He seemed calmer now, and Kurt was sure he had rehearsed the next words in his head. “We meet for coffee, we talk, we spend time together, just as we did before. But I can't be more than your friend, Kurt. I'm really sorry if I gave you a wrong impression, or led you on in any way. But I need to get my relationship back on track, and I need you as my friend. We won't tell anyone about today, we just go back to how we were. Is that... is that okay? Is this something you're even interested in?”
“Of course I'm interested in being your friend,” Kurt said. “And yes, I think I can work with that.”
Blaine sighed in relief. Tension was visibly draining out of his shoulders, and only now did Kurt realize how nervous he must have been. Despite not remembering, Blaine obviously cherished their bond, and for now, that was actually enough.
“I have to be able to trust you, though,” Blaine said. To his relief, Kurt saw no hint of doubt in him when he said that. “I need to be able to trust that you respect that I'm with him. Just don't... I don't know, try anything?”
“I won't,” Kurt said. Without allowing himself to think it through, he took Blaine's hand in his. “I promise that you can trust me. I don't want to lose you, either.”
“I'm glad,” Blaine said. For a second they were looking into each other's eyes, then Blaine averted his gaze. “So, we're okay, right?”
“We are,” Kurt replied.
The rest of the tension melted out of Blaine's shoulders at that and the smile that returned to his face was completely genuine now.
“So... would you like to... I don't know, watch a movie or something?” Kurt asked.
Blaine hesitated and looked at his watch. “I don't have that much time,” he said, “but we could have some coffee and talk for a bit?”
Kurt felt himself return the smile. “Sounds great.”
Next Chapter
Rating: R
Pairings: Kurt/Blaine, Blaine/Sebastian
Spoilers: -
Warnings:
Word Count: ~5700
Summary: After a long year of separation, things are finally looking up for Kurt and Blaine. They're ready to start their lives together in New York as an engaged couple. Everything is perfect.
Until it's suddenly not.
Torn apart by forces beyond their understanding, they find themselves alone, facing a world that is just not quite right anymore. A second first meeting of strangers on a staircase brings another chance for love, but is that chance enough for them to find their way back to each other, and can they break the spell before it's too late?
Disclaimer: The characters aren't my property, neither are any song lyrics within this story, just borrowing it all for a bit.
Notes: So, in this chapter there's some friendly, completely unbiased, bar-tenderly advise, and Blaine tries to get things in order, which all things considered turns out better than expected.
Previously...
Chapter 9 - What Can't We Face?
“Hey, Kurt, I thought you had the day off.”
“I have to see Isabelle,” Kurt said without paying much attention to Chase. He wasn't even here for work. All he wanted was some information and then go and crawl up in his bed, waiting for death.
He had ruined absolutely everything. God, what had he been thinking?
Well, he had thought that he could just snap Blaine out of this curse and make him remember everything, like when Isabelle had used that fairy dust on him.
Instead, Blaine didn't remember a thing and probably thought Kurt was a creep, pretending to be his friend and then making a move on him. And now, he had made everything worse than it had been before.
Isabelle was in her office, and it was even more of a mess than it had been yesterday. There were those old tomes, with some of the more usual magazines scattered around them, and on her desk there was a portfolio of designs that even on first glance looked scarily absurd.
“No disturbances, I have to get this right!” she yelled without looking up. “Oh, Chase, how do you feel about a leather-satin mix?”
“Er... not the first thing I'd go with,” Kurt said.
Isabelle looked up at his voice. “Kurt? Oh, what are you doing here? Has something happened?”
“Well, yes,” Kurt said, “I tried it, Isbelle, but it didn't work, he didn't remember anything at all. How could that happen?”
“Wait, wait, wait, tried what?” Isabelle asked, and suddenly she looked almost scared. “Oh my god, you did not tell him about it, did you?”
“No, I didn't get that far,” Kurt said, “and I still don't exactly get why I can't, but... True love's kiss, you said that breaks curses, but it didn't.”
“No, no, I did not say that, I said it's usually something like that,” Isbalele said, “and that it could be anything. And what do you mean, it didn't work? Sit down, tell me, what happened?”
Kurt sighed, but followed her advice. He took several deep breaths trying to calm down enough to explain to her exactly what happened, which eventually didn't end up taking that long.
When he was done, Isabelle looked at him with an expression full of pity.
“Oh poor dear,” she said, “I'm so sorry, but that could not have possibly worked. Even if true love's kiss was the solution, it wouldn't have broken the curse.”
“But I kissed him,” Kurt protested.
“You did,” Isabelle said, “but it's never just a kiss. It's true love's kiss, that's something way more special.”
Kurt loooked at her in confusion. “But I do love him!”
“I know you do,” Isabelle said, “Anyone who ever hears you talk about him would know that, and if that isn't true love then I don't know what is. To put it frankly, you're not the problem here.”
“If it's not me, then...” He stopped, as he realized just what she was saying. “You think he doesn't love me? I can't believe you're saying this, you haven't even spoken to him, how could you possibly know if he loves me?”
“How could he?” Isabelle replied. “Think about it, Kurt, just... really, really think about it. That poor boy is basically the curse's epicenter. He has lost a huge chunk of his memory, including everything about you. To him, you're a boy he met only a few weeks ago. Even if there is a certain attraction there, it's not love, not yet. I'm not saying he didn't love you before the curse hit, but right now? He simply doesn't.”
“Then how am I supposed to get him out of there?” Kurt asked. He couldn't sit still. Without even deciding on it, he found himself pacing the room. “I thought it could work, to just remind him of us, and then we'd be fine, but I can't do that now, can I?”
“That's why I told you to be subtle and lure him away from that horrible boy,” Isabelle reminded him.
“Somehow I don't think me kissing him helped a lot with my chances there,” Kurt replied.
“Then you have to talk to him. Apologize, tell him you were out of line and that it won't happen again. Your one chance is to salvage your friendship. He won't listen to you if he thinks you're trying to woo him.”
“Woo...” Kurt started, but gave up on that fight. “Do you think he'll forgive me?”
“That depends on how sincere you are, I guess,” Isabelle said, “but the most important thing is that you don't tell him about the curse. I've seen that happen before, and it's not pretty. The human brain is not built to deal with dual realities, and being forced to do so would hurt him, a lot. I've seen people die under the strain. Don't do that to him.”
Kurt felt the blood drain from his face. He hadn't been aware that it was this dangerous. “I won't,” he said softly.
“Good,” Isabelle said. “I'm sorry I can't be of more help to you, but the this is a very complicated matter.”
“It probably would have been too easy if it worked like in the fairy tales, hm?” Kurt said. „True love's kiss...“
“Well...” Isabelle seemed to hesitate, but eventually she continued. “Don't give up on that completely, it could still happen.”
“What do you mean?”
Isabelle smiled at him, and for the first time he saw a little bit of hope there. “You say he's your soulmate... in that case, you are going to find back to each other, I'm sure of it. Just because he doesn't remember doesn't mean he can't fall in love with you again. You just have to win his love once more. You did it before, I'm sure you have it in you. But for now, don't put him under pressure. The best thing you can do for him at the moment is just to be a friend.”
Kurt sighed, but nodded. A friend? He could do that. Blaine was, after all, his best friend as well as his love. He would manage, at least for now - if he could get another chance.
This time, Blaine didn't hesitate as he entered the Spotlight Diner. He was nervous, and he wasn't completely sure of what he was going to tell Kurt. But the one thing he knew was that he had to make sure Kurt and him were okay. This would be awkward and uncomfortable, but they could do it. They would get over this. Blaine wasn't sure how to stay sane without him.
Fortunately, things looked really quiet at the moment as he looked around in the diner. A few customers, but the rush around noon had died down, so at least he'd be able to have a conversation with Kurt - well, if he could convince him, that is. But as he looked around, he realized that he couldn't see Kurt anywhere. He hesitated. He had been so sure that Kurt was going to work here this afternoon. Maybe he was somewhere in the kitchen, or outside, or...
“Blaine?”
He looked up when he heard his name. It was Kurt's friend, Rachel, dressed up in her waitress uniform and walking up to him.
“Uh, hi Rachel,” Blaine said, “is Kurt here?”
“Oh, no, he switched shifts,” Rachel replied, “although that really was on short notice, I don't know what's up with him. Do you know something?”
Blaine gulped. He could feel the blush forming in his face.
“Oh my god, you do!” Rachel said. “Is everything okay? Did you two fight?”
Blaine sighed. “It's... a bit complicated,” he said. “But I really need to talk to him.”
For a moment, Rachel looked as if she wanted to start a monologue, but then she focused on him. “You seem really upset,” she said. “I'm not sure where he is, he said he was going to Vogue and who knows how long that'll take him... but maybe, if you want to talk, I could listen?”
Blaine hesitated. He was really hoping he could talk to Kurt, but now it sounded as if it would be more difficult to get hold of him than he'd expected. Of course, they'd see each other in NYADA soon enough, but between classes and his two jobs Blaine realized that it would be quite easy for Kurt to avoid any serious conversation.
“Do you even have time?” Blaine asked to stall. “I wouldn't want to keep you from your work.”
“Oh, please, look around, nothing's going on here,” Rachel said with a shrug. “Come on, let's sit down, and then you tell me what's bothering you.”
Blaine still wasn't completely sure. But he wouldn't be able to meet Kurt right now, and maybe talking to someone really was what he needed to get his thoughts in order. Yesterday, talking to Rachel had made him feel a lot better and more confident about where he was standing. Maybe it could work again? Besides, who else could he talk to? Sebastian could never find out about this, and while he really wanted to discuss this with Kurt, it might not be the best way to figure out just what he was thinking. Suddenly, he really missed his brother. They hadn't been close in ages, but how good would it be if they could just talk to each other and confide in each other like normal siblings did?
“Okay,” he said eventually, “just... stop me when I start rambling, please?”
Rachel clapped into her hands excitedly and pulled him over to a stool at the bar. Quickly, she stepped behind it, took a glass and started wiping it.
“What are you doing?” Blaine asked warily.
“I'm being the friendly barkeeper listening to you sharing your worries, of course,” Rachel said. She glared a bit when he laughed. “Oh, shut up, I always wanted to do that.”
“Okay, fine, then. I just... I'm not really sure where I should start,” Blaine admitted.
“Hm, we could catch up from yesterday,” Rachel suggested. “How did it go with your boyfriend?”
Not exactly the subject he had wanted to talk about, but it was a start. “We... kind of made up,” Blaine admitted. “At first when I came home we fought again, but then...” He stopped. Somehow he couldn't finish the sentence, didn't even know the words anymore that were needed to end it, or what he had been trying to say.
“Then what?” Rachel asked.
“We made up,” Blaine repeated softly. “I mean, we... he apologized to me. He was really sorry for hurting me, and he said it won't happen again.” There had been something else. But what...?
“Do you believe him?” Rachel asked, interrupting his thoughts.
Blaine shrugged lightly. “I'm... not sure,” he said, “I do think he means it. I'm just not sure how long that will last.”
“Wow,” Rachel said thoughtfully, “that's kind of rough, isn't it? That you can't trust him enough to know that?”
Blaine sighed, but somehow she had helped his mind find another track, one that it could actually follow. “It should be,” he admitted, “but it kind of doesn't feel like it. It's complicated. But I just want to believe it for now. It's been rough for a while. It would be really nice to have things calm down.”
“Well...” Rachel said, but then bit her lip.
“What?” Blaine asked.
“Is calm really enough?” Rachel asked. “Wouldn't you prefer being happy?”
Blaine stared at her. For a moment, he flashed back to the feeling of Kurt kissing him. He gulped and tried to think of something else. “I... I'd like both,” he admitted finally. “I told you, it's complicated.”
“Hm, yeah, I know what that feels like,” Rachel said. “Well, not your specific situation, but relationships... they're kind of difficult.”
“Really? Are you having trouble, too?” Blaine asked with concern.
“Not right now,” Rachel said, “let's just say, there have been occasions. But we were talking about you, weren't we? Let's get back to that.”
Blaine smiled at her and sighed. “Well, that's about it,” he said, “we're trying to keep things calm right now and be respectful of each other and all that jazz, so... let's see how that works.”
Rachel hummed, put away the glass and leaned over the bar. “That doesn't explain why you're here, though, if everything is calm at the moment.”
“Well, with Sebastian, yes,” Blaine said, “everything's calm with him, that's not why I came here.”
“Is it Kurt?” Rachel asked. “Is that why you wanted to see him? Did something happen?”
Blaine's eyes widened and he just knew he was blushing again. Great, he hadn't even decided on how much he actually wanted to tell Rachel, but she'd have to be blind to miss his reaction.
“Oh my god, something did happen,” she exclaimed. “What was it, is he okay? What... what happened?”
And now she looked worried as well as curious.
“N-nothing bad,” he said quickly. “I mean... I don't know. I'm not sure yet. It's just... he's okay, Kurt is okay. I'm just not sure yet whether we are.”
“What do you mean?” Rachel asked.
“I... Rachel... I...” He stopped, took a deep breath and then looked back at her. “You can't tell anyone, Rachel, and especially not Kurt that I told you this,” he said.
Rachel leaned forward with a completely serious expression on her voice. “I swear,” she said.
Blaine took another deep breath before he continued. “I... I think Kurt has feelings for me.”
“Oh.” Rachel's face got completely blank from one second to the other, as if she was carefully trying not to let anything on. It would have been enough to convince him he was right about Kurt's feelings, even if the kiss had still left any doubts.
“You knew that already, didn't you?” he asked.
“W-what? No! You're ridiculous!” Rachel said. “I mean... he knows you have a boyfriend. He just really cares about you a lot. Platonically, I mean.”
“Oh my god, you knew,” Blaine said. “You knew! Wait, you're his roommate, of course you knew. I'm sorry, it's just... I didn't. Know, that is. And now I do, and I really don't know what to do.”
“Did he say anything?” Rachel asked.
“No, he didn't,” Blaine said. His mouth had been busy at the time.
Rachel still wasn't convinced, though. “Then what? Why are you so sure? Couldn't you have just misunderstood something, and now you keep misunderstanding? Maybe it was completely innocent.”
“He kissed me.”
The words came out much softer than Blaine had expected, and as he spoke them his eyes closed involuntarily. For a moment, he could almost feel it again, and that flutter in his chest was back. He shook his head and opened his eyes again. Not helping. Rachel's eyes were wide now, and her mouth formed a surprised “oh”.
“He... oh...” She took another glass and started drying it. “Well, I guess that is pretty unambiguous,” she said. “He... he kissed you. How did that happen?”
On instinct, Blaine looked around, but obviously there was nobody who knew him around, so he leaned forward and continued. “I was just about to go to class, when I heard him call for me. And then he just came up to me, held my face and kissed me.”
Rachel's eyes widened, and he could tell she was getting really interested by now. “How was it?” she asked.
The question took himm by surprise, but now that she was prompting him... Blaine exhaled shakily as he now actually allowed his mind wander back to those few seconds, the way Kurt's lips had moved against his, how warm it had felt, and so, so soft...
“Wow,” Rachel muttered, not taking her eyes from his face, “that good?”
For a second, Blaine feared he had just spoken aloud, but apparently Rachel had read all that just from his face.
“I...” He sighed, but eventually, he gave up. “...you have no idea,” he finished. “I... I don't think I've ever been kissed like that.”
“Okay, you can't just say that and leave it at that,” Rachel said, “come on, Anderson, details!”
Blaine blinked at her, and for a moment it dawned on him that this might have been a horrible idea, but eventually he couldn't keep it in any longer. That was after all what friends were for, to share these things he couldn't tell anybody else, and suddenly the words just burst out of him.
Rachel listened, her expression getting more intense with every second, as if she was drinking in every single word coming out of his mouth, and the more she listened, the more Blaine forgot any filters. As he finally finished, she looked at him with something very much akin to jealousy.
“Damn,” she muttered, “you're a lucky man, Blaine Anderson.”
He laughed shakily, not sure whether he should agree or if that was the biggest lie he'd ever heard.
“How did you react?” she asked, and the glee he'd felt a moment before evaporated.
“I... kind of... pushed him away,” he said, not meeting Rachel's eyes, “...and then he fell. To the floor.”
“What?!” Rachel looked absolutely scandalized now, and before he knew what was going on, she hit him with the dish towel.
“Hey! What was that for?”
“I can't believe you did that!” she said.
“I... I can't believe he did that!” Blaine replied. “I have a boyfriend, remember? We just talked about him five minutes ago.”
Rachel blinked. “Oh. Right... you do,” she said. She actually looked disappointed now.
“So you see my problem?” Blaine asked. “We're not like that, Rachel. We're just friends, and friends don't kiss each other like that. Or at all, but especially not like... that,” he finished lamely. “And Sebastian is already so jealous of Kurt. I can't keep spending time with Kurt if he's kissing me.”
“But you can spend time with him if he just kissed you once and you pretend it never happened?” Rachel asked skeptically.
“That's not what I mean,” Blaine said, “I do want to talk to Kurt about this... but I can't be his friend if he's hitting on me. I just... He's my best friend, Rachel. I don't know what I'd do without him. But I have a boyfriend, and I need him to respect that. Otherwise I don't think this is going to work.”
Rachel sighed. “This really is complicated, isn't it?” she said.
“Tell me about it,” Blaine muttered.
“Are you going to tell your boyfriend?” Rachel asked.
“Absolutely not,” Blaine replied immediately, “he'd flip out if I told him, and then he'd insist again that I don't see Kurt anymore - and I couldn't even blame him. I probably shouldn't, anyway, but...” He sighed again. He didn't even know why, but the mere thought of not seeing Kurt again was too scary to even consider.
“Okay, I think I get it,” Rachel said, “but can I ask you one more question?”
“Sure, go ahead,” Blaine said.
“You do realize you're more scared of losing Kurt as your best friend than about losing your boyfriend, don't you?”
“I don't really think I'm risking losing Sebastian,” Blaine said. And wow, phrased like that it sounded kind of cold.
“But your priority in all this is not to lose Kurt,” Rachel insisted.
“...yes,” Blaine admitted finally. “That kind of makes me a horrible person, doesn't it? Or at least a horrible boyfriend...”
“Yeah, well, from what I've heard your boyfriend isn't going to win any prizes, either,” Rachel said in an attempt to lighten up the mood.
Blaine just looked up at her and sighed. “Not helping,” he said.
“Look, Blaine, I don't think you're horrible,” Rachel said softly. “You're just a little confused at the moment. You really need to take some time and figure out what you actually want.”
“That sounds like a good idea,” Blaine admitted, although he did hesitate a little.
“I have to insist on one thing, though,” Rachel said, and now she was completely serious. „About Kurt.“
“What is it?”
“He's my best friend, too. So, whatever you do, please be careful with him. I don't want him to get hurt, so don't lead him on. Just... be honest with him, okay? If you don't want to be with him like that, don't give him false hope. No mixed signals, no 'I can't be with you right now', nothing. Just be clear on where you're standing. Think you can do that?”
Blaine sighed in relief. “I think I can,” he said. “Well, if I get him to talk to me.”
Rachel hummed. “Actually, I have an idea for that. What are your plans for today?”
Maybe he could convince Blaine that he'd developed a split personality - or possibly had a secret twin he'd never mentioned who'd just esacped from a mental insitution.
Kurt's excuses were getting more horrible the harder he tried to come up with something.
For a moment there he had actually been hopeful, but apparently he had deluded himself. And he knew it was because of the curse, that Blaine didn't remember him, didn't know anymore what they had... it was still painful to be pushed away. And it was all Sebastian's fault.
Would Blaine turn away from him now? Kurt had to admit it would be the logical reaction, but the mere thought made his skin crawl. Sebastian would like that, keeping Blaine even closer to himself and away from other people...
With a sigh, Kurt let his head rest on the table. If only hiding back here in the loft's kitchen was an actual option... He had managed to get out of his shift at the diner today, and Isabelle had sent him home again. At least he had some privacy to wallow in self-pity, with Rachel working and Santana being out with Dani. He looked to his watch and figured that Rachel should be back within maybe an hour.
He had just come to that conclusion, when he heard a key in the lock and the door to the loft opened. It couldn't be Santana, her texts were clear on that, so maybe Rachel haad gotten out of her shift early.
“Kill me now, Rachel, I ruined everything,” he announced, hoping for a sympathetic ear and maybe a piece of advice on how he should face Blaine tomorrow.
Instead, he got a nervous chuckle. “Um... not Rachel,” the voice said and Kurt froze. “And stop this, please... you didn't. I promise, you didn't.”
“Blaine?” Kurt looked up from where he had hidden his face, incredulous to what he'd heard. But yes, there was Blaine, standing in his loft with Rachel's ridiculous plush animal keychain in his hand. He was wearing the same clothes as earlier, though slightly crumpled. His hair was dishevelled and Kurt could swear there were dark shadows under his eyes. He looked exhausted, uncertain, but there was a spark of determination in his eyes.
“What are you doing here?” Kurt asked as Blaine came closer and stopped before the table.
“I wanted to talk to you, but you weren't at the diner,” Baline explained, “but I talked to Rachel and she... well, she gave me her key so I could come see you here. So we could talk. May I sit?”
“Of course,” Kurt said and pushed out a chair for Blaine. “I really owe you an apology. I don't know what came over me, but I'm so sorry. I swear it won't ever happen again, and I'm really sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”
“You did,” Blaine said as he sat down. “But I'm sorry too, for how I reacted.”
“No, you don't need to apologize for anything. I really can't believe I did that to you, I know how traumatizing an unexpected kiss like that can be...”
“Whoa, slow down,” Blaine said. “Traumatizing? I was surprised, not anywhere near traumatized. Don't worry, you're not that bad at kissing.”
Kurt let out a laugh, not knowing how to react to that. “Still, I shouldn't have,” he said eventually.
“You shouldn't,” Blaine agreed. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, loosening a few more of his curls. “I have a boyfriend. I know we're having a rough spot at the moment, but we're trying to work things out. Actually trying, not just pretending everything is fine. But that means I can't do anything that endangers our relationship. Sebastian is already jealous enough about you. And now you kissed me.”
“Did you tell him?” Kurt asked.
“No, and I'm not going to,” Blaine said. He looked up and there was a hint of fear in his eyes. “I don't know how he'd react... but I can't see it going well. One thing I know for sure is that he'd insist I'd stop seeing you. It wouldn't even be unreasonable. And then I'd have to comply with that, at least if we're trying to make this relationship work.”
Kurt felt his throat close up. “Is that what you want? That I... stay away from you?”
“What?” Blaine's eyes widened in shock. “No! No, Kurt, that is the last thing I want. You're my best friend, I don't want to lose you.”
Kurt sighed in relief. “You're my best friend, too,” he said. His voice was just as shaky as Blaine's. “So what do we do?”
“We stay friends,” Blaine said. He seemed calmer now, and Kurt was sure he had rehearsed the next words in his head. “We meet for coffee, we talk, we spend time together, just as we did before. But I can't be more than your friend, Kurt. I'm really sorry if I gave you a wrong impression, or led you on in any way. But I need to get my relationship back on track, and I need you as my friend. We won't tell anyone about today, we just go back to how we were. Is that... is that okay? Is this something you're even interested in?”
“Of course I'm interested in being your friend,” Kurt said. “And yes, I think I can work with that.”
Blaine sighed in relief. Tension was visibly draining out of his shoulders, and only now did Kurt realize how nervous he must have been. Despite not remembering, Blaine obviously cherished their bond, and for now, that was actually enough.
“I have to be able to trust you, though,” Blaine said. To his relief, Kurt saw no hint of doubt in him when he said that. “I need to be able to trust that you respect that I'm with him. Just don't... I don't know, try anything?”
“I won't,” Kurt said. Without allowing himself to think it through, he took Blaine's hand in his. “I promise that you can trust me. I don't want to lose you, either.”
“I'm glad,” Blaine said. For a second they were looking into each other's eyes, then Blaine averted his gaze. “So, we're okay, right?”
“We are,” Kurt replied.
The rest of the tension melted out of Blaine's shoulders at that and the smile that returned to his face was completely genuine now.
“So... would you like to... I don't know, watch a movie or something?” Kurt asked.
Blaine hesitated and looked at his watch. “I don't have that much time,” he said, “but we could have some coffee and talk for a bit?”
Kurt felt himself return the smile. “Sounds great.”
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