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[imochan]

uhhhh why am I still up, fml fml.

So, I've been thinking a lot about writing, in general (mostly school/life related TBH, but it's totally translated into fandom as well). SO INSTEAD OF MAKING MY rs_games REC POST WHICH WILL BE SOON BUT NOT TODAY, HERE IS A MEME:

Pick a paragraph / passage / scene from any story I've written, and comment to this post

Comments

[sea_shtick]

I just tried to write a comment on your rs_games entry (which I read over the course of last night) but I just couldn't, I have to wait to get my thoughts in order or else it'll just be rambly and pointless (like, most of what I wrote was like "and then you did this! and then this!" as if you weren't aware).

So I'm going to do this instead.

... annnnd I can't find what I'm looking for. WHY AM I SO FULL OF FAIL TONIGHT?

ok, from To Sit a Dead Man Between Us, part III, kind of unfair because there is so much surrounding it, did I mention that I am full of fail? I couldn't figure out what part to excerpt. GOD WHY AM I STILL HERE.

Maybe I meant it, he thinks. Maybe you didn’t. Maybe let’s just wait until tomorrow and if everything’s still the same, after everything, maybe we’ll try and change it, then. Maybe I should just sit here and watch you swallow it down, how it is to have that clump of almost scrape at your throat and your guts and all your insides, because you know you can’t say it, can you, he thinks.

“Right, then,” says Remus.

Exactly, he thinks.

"Well," says Sirius, firmly, and stands. His foot knocks over a half-empty cardboard carton; he'd rather stare at the scattered curry rice than Remus's hands or knees.

"Go on," says Remus. “Go on. I’ve got it.”

"Well,” says Sirius, and shoves his fists into his pockets - his hands are cold. “Tomorrow, then, yeah?"

Remus rolls his eyes; there is the subtle dip of a head, the mess of hair that hides the redness in his face (the kind that lines the insides of the eyes, that signals flushed and mottled skin, hot under the surface). Should this, thinks Sirius, maybe this shouldn’t make you feel like you've been crying.

"Go on, then," says Remus, again.

Or maybe, he thinks, because he finally has Remus speechless and red-faced at his feet, this is why it should.

[imochan]

UGH OMG THIS PART. Ahahaha, this part gave me so much hell - it was one of the first scenes written, and it was one of the last scenes to actually be changed again once the whole thing was done, and edited, and reworked, and etc, &etc, ad infinitum. But I'm so happy to talk about it, because, you know, even though I'm definitely not 100% happy with the fic, it was an important exercise for me (and I generally feel like I've come out stronger for it).

You can probably tell that much of this fic was more of an exercise than a success - I mean, the entire thing is confusing, and too truncated, and too loosely bound up in the character's expectations, rather than making something legible for a reader, if that makes sense. This scene in particular exemplifies that more than any other singular bit, I think - that this is a story built on what people don't say to one another: that you can go about perfectly happy not really saying anything to anyone, even the people you might care about most in the world, until one day you have to say something important, and you just can't.

This scene is supposed to be one of those moments. A place where the war has caught up with Remus and Sirius: where one of them is supposed to turn to the other and say something like, oh, I don't know, "I love you, I would be heartbroken if you didn't look out for yourself, and you got hurt, or you died." Or, "Let me protect you." Something awful like that, you know - something horribly shmoopy, but realistic, and important. And they just don't know how to operate in those kinds of terms.

It might have been, in some ways, a fic that might have been much more successful if it were done entirely through Remus's POV. I have a comfort with him and his voice, now, that might have saved me a lot of grief. But, like I said, this fic was an exercise, and it was also an exercise in Sirius's head - I wanted to try for something a little unhinged, a little wild, and a little too scattered to ever feel whole. I still think it fell flat in entirety, but it was important for me to do, nonetheless.

\O/ GOSH I ALWAYS WRITE SO MUCH FOR THESE UGH. HAHAHA, THANK YOU FOR REPLYING.

[sea_shtick]

First of all, I think it's great that you write a lot in response, because there is nothing more frustrating than having an author who is all like "Oh that... yeah I dunno... I guess I just liked the way the words sounded... I mean, they have a relationship, so maybe this is how it went." I know I at least have thought a lot about that story since I read it, and it's nice to see it from the other side, to see how much thought the writer is putting into every idea/section/dialogue.

etc.

Anyway. I can see how it was an exercise, but I think saying it "fell flat in entirety" is denying yourself some pretty well deserved credit. You might feel more comfortable in Remus' head, but I don't think this story would've worked from his POV. The fact that it is scattered, loosely bound, sometimes confusing, whatever - it all just works so well when you remember, when you think, hey, this guy is starting to go crazy. It shows so well all the little things that are so wrong with his life and his relationships.

Also, I have to say that a couple of parts that I Just Didn't Get when I read the story I read at again when I was looking for something to excerpt, and went, "Oh. Duh." I know a lot of people (perhaps rightly) believe that you shouldn't have to read something twice to understand, but I kind of love it.

Now it's my turn to apologize for being long-winded. Yeeeesh.