(no subject)
it's so weird how i feel about this.
i know that it isn't me. i know that.
ANYWAYYY.
i am babysitting tomorrow and i am actually kind of excited about it. it's an overnight job (which means lots of money), and the kids are really good. i think that i will enjoy playing mommy for a day or two.
i am glad that this semester is going to be over soon. i am ready to explore alternatives to college. i think that the break will help me rediscover myself and to break away from what is holding me down.
i just looked at myself in the mirror for a good five minutes. i think that i am a very beautiful girl. really, i do. i love who i am becoming. the only problem is, people cannot seem to get past the exterior to get to the interior (the interior is where the good stuff is!!). Damn it, i can't help but to think what the answers would have been all of these times had i been a more traditional looking type of girl. i can't even bring myself to say the words that i want. regardless, i think that i really need to get to the bottom of what is wrong with me physically and mentally.
i have begun to realize that there is nothing more for me here in louisville. i think that it will be a nice place to return to one day, but for now, there is nothing. i have friends that i will never forget or move on from, but i know that our friendship can survive some separation.
i hate to say it, but i know that things would be different if i was involved in a relationship. i am ready. it's been so long since i have been in a meaningful relationship. it's not about the sex or the mushiness. it's about the deeper connection. i need to know that someone wants to commit to me (even if it isn't forever). i want that feeling, that connection. anything.
well, i think that it's time for me to call it a night. hey 3am.
it's not like i'll sleep. what's up no tv? heeyyyo!
:(
i know that it isn't me. i know that.
ANYWAYYY.
i am babysitting tomorrow and i am actually kind of excited about it. it's an overnight job (which means lots of money), and the kids are really good. i think that i will enjoy playing mommy for a day or two.
i am glad that this semester is going to be over soon. i am ready to explore alternatives to college. i think that the break will help me rediscover myself and to break away from what is holding me down.
i just looked at myself in the mirror for a good five minutes. i think that i am a very beautiful girl. really, i do. i love who i am becoming. the only problem is, people cannot seem to get past the exterior to get to the interior (the interior is where the good stuff is!!). Damn it, i can't help but to think what the answers would have been all of these times had i been a more traditional looking type of girl. i can't even bring myself to say the words that i want. regardless, i think that i really need to get to the bottom of what is wrong with me physically and mentally.
i have begun to realize that there is nothing more for me here in louisville. i think that it will be a nice place to return to one day, but for now, there is nothing. i have friends that i will never forget or move on from, but i know that our friendship can survive some separation.
i hate to say it, but i know that things would be different if i was involved in a relationship. i am ready. it's been so long since i have been in a meaningful relationship. it's not about the sex or the mushiness. it's about the deeper connection. i need to know that someone wants to commit to me (even if it isn't forever). i want that feeling, that connection. anything.
well, i think that it's time for me to call it a night. hey 3am.
it's not like i'll sleep. what's up no tv? heeyyyo!
:(