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i figured out i was pregnant at the beginning of may. i went to a clinic and they took about 2 weeks to refer me to the hospital for the abortion. i called the number. i told them i was somewhere between 6 and 8 weeks pregnant at the time. the nurse on the line kept asking me if i was sure of my decision i said "YES!" she kept saying 'are you sure you don't need a crisis line, hun?' i said "YES I'M SURE! when is my appointment?' she told me that i'd go in for an ultrasound june 30th and the abortion would be a week after. WHAT?! that was sooo long. i said 'fine i can't wait.' and hung up the phone.
after about 10 minutes, i realised i'd be just at the 15 week mark. i needed an earlier appointment. i wanted the ugly thing out of me. i called the number that i had called before, left messages and called again. no one returned my calls. i didn't know what to do.
waiting for the appointment was hell. i'll keep it short but, besides the regular pregnancy symptoms, i had some nasty depression going on. i tried killing myself and did lots of drugs. before getting pregnant i had only smoked pot and drank on occasion but, i started using heavier drugs to deal with being pregnant. i just kept wishing everyday someone from the hospital would call back but, they never did.
my symptoms disappeared about 2-3 weeks before my ultrasound. i thought i'd drop the goo any minute but, no.
my boyfriend and i showed up at the hospital on the 30th for the ultrasound. the nurse told me 'go right in' and we went to do the ultrasound. it was gross and awkard. you have to realise i've never had any sort of vaginal exam or anything before this and that cold lubricated stick they stuck up there was ick. she did the ultrasound, i hadn't bothered to look at the screen and what i think was the heart beat sounded weird and gurgling. it made me smirk. the nurse threw me a towel and said 'wipe up and go sit in the hall'.
while i was sitting in the waiting room a blanket of anxiousness rolled right over me. the nurses were talking to another doctor, not my doctor and not the doctor who would preform the surgery. they were going on and on 'does she know how far along she is?', 'should we give her the abortion counselling paper anyways' (yes, that's right. they made me fill out this stupid paper with things like 'what do you expect emotionally?' and 'have you told the father' ha! what father? it's an abortion.) they gave me the paper. i answered 'i expect nothing exceptional to occur emotionally. i know there is a risk of a false sense of depression due to hormonal changes.' one of the nurses reading it after i handed it back said to a co-worker. 'does she realise she's killing her baby?' i made a face to my boyfriend and said 'this better be done soon. these nurses are worse than bitchy twats. they are stupid!' the nurses called a social worker to talk to me.
the social worker came up and i was told to go see her in a small office. i wanted to take my boyfriend so we both stood up to go. about three nurses followed and one said 'can she take him?' in a tone that suggested he was forcing me or something. ha! the social worker said 'it's fine.' even if she didn't though, my boyfriend was coming in. i wasn't giving them my choice.
the social worker told me that i was exactly 14 weeks and 6 days. she asked me if i was sure i wanted to do this. i said 'yes of course i'm sure, i wouldn't be here otherwise.' she told me the hospital had a 15 week policy and that they wouldn't be able to fit me in. my boyfriend and i started freaking. we told her that i had called weeks ago. she said 'oh, well i'll just try and make sure this doesn't happen to anyone else' and started giving me numbers to get it done in another city. i started crying that i couldn't take it anymore. i needed it out and i needed it out now. my boyfriend told her, despite my wishing he wouldn't, our plans to go on some crazed drug binge and kill ourselves. there was no baby coming. i said, 'i refuse to keep this thing. i can't stand it anymore and he's right'. she sent me home with the numbers.
we got back home about 30 minutes later and i was just about to eat some breakfast. i hadn't had any food in 2 or 3 days. just then my phone rang. it was the social worker she asked me if i had anything to eat or drink that day. i said 'no'. she said 'good, don't. when can you come in to the hospital? you can get the abortion done today'. i got really excited thanked her 500 times and said 'in 30 minutes but, will you fax my professor telling him i'm missing my exam for a medical procedure?' i'm a student at a university. she said 'that's no problem'
i went in to the hospital. they had me talk to some doctor. someone was supposed to give me pills before i went in to the operating room but, no one did. tools. i waited all day but, that was nothing compared to the stress of the morning.
in the operating room a couple of nurses asked me to lie on the bed. they stuck some things on me. the nurse said it was to monitor my heart rate during surgery. i said 'well isn't that fancy cool'. i really was in a good mood though a bit nervous about going under anethetic. the doctor who would be putting me under came in. i have a lot of old scars on my arms due to self injury. he said 'do you leyk to cut you'self evray day?' i said 'no. i went to counselling for that. it's not why i'm here' he said to another doctor 'watch her. she leyks to cut he'self' i'm thinking 'uh huh weird accent' he started putting the stuff in my arm. i said 'ow! ow! it's burning' the operating doctor said 'that's okay. it can burn sometimes, just try to relax.' i hadn't slept in about a week and just then did i realise now was my chance. i said 'here comes a good sleep'.
i woke up in a recovery room with a bit of pain in my stomach. a nurse was standing over me. i said 'ow! is that supposed to be doing that?' (i honestly thought i was still in the operating room having the anesthetic injected into me) she said 'oh, it's okay hun, you just had the procedure' she checked a pad for bleeding and said 'there's nothing' i felt like i could breath again, 'oh wow? really?,' i paused for a moment trying to sense any pregnancy. there was nothing. i beamed. 'that's awesome! that's the best. thank you all so much. where's my bf, i want to see him. i'm so happy! you saved my life.' her monotonous ring, 'try not to talk right now' hahahaha! 'i can't help it. i'm just so happy. wow. okay, i'll try, like, really really hard to shut up. see i'm trying. wow. this is so good.' she seemed annoyed. about 30 minutes passed where i just layed in the bed smiling then an orderly took me upstairs.
i was up in another recovery room. i stayed there for about 30 more minutes. a nurse checked the pad again said 'nothing' and fed me some antibiotics and gingerale. my boyfriend came in. i told him how happy i was over and over again. he said 'ya' then we went back to talking about regular stuff and talked about going to dinner when they let me out.
the next fews days i had some mild cramping but, nothing so terrible that i couldn't handle it. i thought i was getting sick for a few days, but that turned out to be indigestion and a bad matress. i started spotting some a few days later. that didn't last long. i felt the weight of impending doom lift off of me. i'm laughing again. i'm happy again. i haven't felt this way since long before i got pregnant. it's the weirdest thing. it's the greatest thing. the social worker called me back during the following week. she asked how i was doing. i told her the honest truth. she said 'take it easy' i laughed and said 'of course, an excuse to be lazy for the next week. thank you so much and yes i started my birth control.'
after about 10 minutes, i realised i'd be just at the 15 week mark. i needed an earlier appointment. i wanted the ugly thing out of me. i called the number that i had called before, left messages and called again. no one returned my calls. i didn't know what to do.
waiting for the appointment was hell. i'll keep it short but, besides the regular pregnancy symptoms, i had some nasty depression going on. i tried killing myself and did lots of drugs. before getting pregnant i had only smoked pot and drank on occasion but, i started using heavier drugs to deal with being pregnant. i just kept wishing everyday someone from the hospital would call back but, they never did.
my symptoms disappeared about 2-3 weeks before my ultrasound. i thought i'd drop the goo any minute but, no.
my boyfriend and i showed up at the hospital on the 30th for the ultrasound. the nurse told me 'go right in' and we went to do the ultrasound. it was gross and awkard. you have to realise i've never had any sort of vaginal exam or anything before this and that cold lubricated stick they stuck up there was ick. she did the ultrasound, i hadn't bothered to look at the screen and what i think was the heart beat sounded weird and gurgling. it made me smirk. the nurse threw me a towel and said 'wipe up and go sit in the hall'.
while i was sitting in the waiting room a blanket of anxiousness rolled right over me. the nurses were talking to another doctor, not my doctor and not the doctor who would preform the surgery. they were going on and on 'does she know how far along she is?', 'should we give her the abortion counselling paper anyways' (yes, that's right. they made me fill out this stupid paper with things like 'what do you expect emotionally?' and 'have you told the father' ha! what father? it's an abortion.) they gave me the paper. i answered 'i expect nothing exceptional to occur emotionally. i know there is a risk of a false sense of depression due to hormonal changes.' one of the nurses reading it after i handed it back said to a co-worker. 'does she realise she's killing her baby?' i made a face to my boyfriend and said 'this better be done soon. these nurses are worse than bitchy twats. they are stupid!' the nurses called a social worker to talk to me.
the social worker came up and i was told to go see her in a small office. i wanted to take my boyfriend so we both stood up to go. about three nurses followed and one said 'can she take him?' in a tone that suggested he was forcing me or something. ha! the social worker said 'it's fine.' even if she didn't though, my boyfriend was coming in. i wasn't giving them my choice.
the social worker told me that i was exactly 14 weeks and 6 days. she asked me if i was sure i wanted to do this. i said 'yes of course i'm sure, i wouldn't be here otherwise.' she told me the hospital had a 15 week policy and that they wouldn't be able to fit me in. my boyfriend and i started freaking. we told her that i had called weeks ago. she said 'oh, well i'll just try and make sure this doesn't happen to anyone else' and started giving me numbers to get it done in another city. i started crying that i couldn't take it anymore. i needed it out and i needed it out now. my boyfriend told her, despite my wishing he wouldn't, our plans to go on some crazed drug binge and kill ourselves. there was no baby coming. i said, 'i refuse to keep this thing. i can't stand it anymore and he's right'. she sent me home with the numbers.
we got back home about 30 minutes later and i was just about to eat some breakfast. i hadn't had any food in 2 or 3 days. just then my phone rang. it was the social worker she asked me if i had anything to eat or drink that day. i said 'no'. she said 'good, don't. when can you come in to the hospital? you can get the abortion done today'. i got really excited thanked her 500 times and said 'in 30 minutes but, will you fax my professor telling him i'm missing my exam for a medical procedure?' i'm a student at a university. she said 'that's no problem'
i went in to the hospital. they had me talk to some doctor. someone was supposed to give me pills before i went in to the operating room but, no one did. tools. i waited all day but, that was nothing compared to the stress of the morning.
in the operating room a couple of nurses asked me to lie on the bed. they stuck some things on me. the nurse said it was to monitor my heart rate during surgery. i said 'well isn't that fancy cool'. i really was in a good mood though a bit nervous about going under anethetic. the doctor who would be putting me under came in. i have a lot of old scars on my arms due to self injury. he said 'do you leyk to cut you'self evray day?' i said 'no. i went to counselling for that. it's not why i'm here' he said to another doctor 'watch her. she leyks to cut he'self' i'm thinking 'uh huh weird accent' he started putting the stuff in my arm. i said 'ow! ow! it's burning' the operating doctor said 'that's okay. it can burn sometimes, just try to relax.' i hadn't slept in about a week and just then did i realise now was my chance. i said 'here comes a good sleep'.
i woke up in a recovery room with a bit of pain in my stomach. a nurse was standing over me. i said 'ow! is that supposed to be doing that?' (i honestly thought i was still in the operating room having the anesthetic injected into me) she said 'oh, it's okay hun, you just had the procedure' she checked a pad for bleeding and said 'there's nothing' i felt like i could breath again, 'oh wow? really?,' i paused for a moment trying to sense any pregnancy. there was nothing. i beamed. 'that's awesome! that's the best. thank you all so much. where's my bf, i want to see him. i'm so happy! you saved my life.' her monotonous ring, 'try not to talk right now' hahahaha! 'i can't help it. i'm just so happy. wow. okay, i'll try, like, really really hard to shut up. see i'm trying. wow. this is so good.' she seemed annoyed. about 30 minutes passed where i just layed in the bed smiling then an orderly took me upstairs.
i was up in another recovery room. i stayed there for about 30 more minutes. a nurse checked the pad again said 'nothing' and fed me some antibiotics and gingerale. my boyfriend came in. i told him how happy i was over and over again. he said 'ya' then we went back to talking about regular stuff and talked about going to dinner when they let me out.
the next fews days i had some mild cramping but, nothing so terrible that i couldn't handle it. i thought i was getting sick for a few days, but that turned out to be indigestion and a bad matress. i started spotting some a few days later. that didn't last long. i felt the weight of impending doom lift off of me. i'm laughing again. i'm happy again. i haven't felt this way since long before i got pregnant. it's the weirdest thing. it's the greatest thing. the social worker called me back during the following week. she asked how i was doing. i told her the honest truth. she said 'take it easy' i laughed and said 'of course, an excuse to be lazy for the next week. thank you so much and yes i started my birth control.'