(no subject)
Me, at bachelor auction:
"Why should you want to date me? I floss. I'm good at crossword puzzles. That's not the point. The point is, we're here to kick breast cancer's ass, and every dollar you bid on me kicks breast cancer in the ass. But we're not going to stop there. Here's our date, ready? We start off with a bowl of Cheerios in milk. There go heart disease and osteoporosis. Boom. Boom. Then we get on some public transportation to reduce emissions, and if we see anyone smoking, we knock that shit out of their mouth. There goes lung cancer. Then, we go to Children's Hospital and give candy to kids with leukemia. That's it. Previous dates I've been on have received rave reviews, such as...'Hey, let's be friends!' and 'I've never been on a date in a library before!' I'm not going to dance to this music, I'm just going to wave awkwardly, so bid a lot, but bid fast, because it's about to get uncomfortable. Thank you and good night."
Awk-ward.
"Why should you want to date me? I floss. I'm good at crossword puzzles. That's not the point. The point is, we're here to kick breast cancer's ass, and every dollar you bid on me kicks breast cancer in the ass. But we're not going to stop there. Here's our date, ready? We start off with a bowl of Cheerios in milk. There go heart disease and osteoporosis. Boom. Boom. Then we get on some public transportation to reduce emissions, and if we see anyone smoking, we knock that shit out of their mouth. There goes lung cancer. Then, we go to Children's Hospital and give candy to kids with leukemia. That's it. Previous dates I've been on have received rave reviews, such as...'Hey, let's be friends!' and 'I've never been on a date in a library before!' I'm not going to dance to this music, I'm just going to wave awkwardly, so bid a lot, but bid fast, because it's about to get uncomfortable. Thank you and good night."
Awk-ward.