And I graduated .
It's kinda unbelieveable how time flies.
I still remember the day I wrote a blog here saying I got accepted to my dream university, and that was exactly 4 years ago. It's like time has passed in a blink of an eye and then, BOOM! I already graduated from the university, earning a bachelor's degree with 2nd class honor. It was a tough ride of 4 year studying and slowly losing yourself and all the hopes, but when I take a look back now - it actually feels like the first day of this just happened a month ago. All the 4 year suffering (lmao) seems so short.
I learned a lot all these 4 years - about major stuff and the life. I think I lost some parts of my innocent self during these years and grew up a lot to be more mature, more reliable me. The responsibility as a student was hard. The lessons and practices were tough. There were too many to learn and yet they squeezed all the stuff in 4 years courses and it actually felt like dying. I made it through, anyway, with a lot of mental breakdown, but still, I made it. I'm not sure if I'm glad or not - but maybe life is supposed to be like this. You lose something to gain another thing. You suffer and break down and somehow feel lost that you have to find the anchor to hold onto so you'll be able to stand up again - even stronger this time. Maybe this is what a thing called a life is, but somehow I still feel a little lost. I don't even know why.
Almost 4 years ago, I wrote about the campus dorm and my roommates, about how I suffered to fit in the too tiny gap they left open for me, how I had to squeeze myself tight to fit in and still barely made it comfortable. I moved out of the campus dorm at the end of my freshman year, and got a new dorm near the campus, living alone. It was great. And I still hung out with my ex roommates (they moved out too and we lived in the same dorm). This time, it felt more comforatable being around them. Maybe it was because I finally got the private space I needed. Things went well through the sophomore year, I guess, and it started to break at the beginning of the junior year. I'm still not sure where we went wrong that we finally fell apart. It just happened out of nowhere, and at the point we noticed it, it was almost impossible to fix it. So we let it be.
It got to the point that there was no way for us to be the same in April 2020. We got into a fight, I guess. It wasn't really a fight, more like a fail attempt of trying to talk and sorting things out. It didn't go well, apparently. I'd say it was like those moment when you'd tried to bury all the thoughts and what you didn't like about each other in the deepest of your mind without saying them out, and then one day, it kinda exploded. We didn't normally talk about what had changed between us although we knew it'd slowly changed long ago. We didn't try to fix it and we pretended like everything was the same even when we knew they weren't. And when we finally talked about it, it already went beyond the limit and there was no going back. We tried to make up, anyway, saying to each other it was okay and that after the talk we'd be the same old peeps we used to be when we all knew it wouldn't. That was what happened during those online classes at home during the pandemic, and when we got back to school, we didn't really talk at all. I guess that was how all the 3 year friendship ended. We went back to be only classmates, not close friends.
And so the senior year was tough. I didn't know about them, but it was one of the hardest times of my life trying to gain control of myself and telling myself over and over again that it wasn't my fault we didn't make it together until graduation. It was no one's fault. We just didn't get along, and that was all. I found myself new people whom I perfectly got along with anyway, but that didn't really help getting me over the things I once had. It took months until I was really okay. I'd say I was glad I made it.
The classes on the campus were only 2 month long before they sent us off for clinical practices. So I didn't have to meet them again and I guessed it was better this way. We finally parted way and left all things behind as old friends. We didn't have to get so awkward being around each other in classes anymore.
And so the first period of clinical practices began. The practices were divided into 5 periods with each new place / hospital for each period and I got to meet a lot of new people from there. It was fun hanging around new friends, finally and completely being myself again after a long time. I spent the first 3 periods around my city and the later 2 in another parts of the country. All of these meant a lot - both as experiences in my field of practice and as a self development. I found a place I belonged in the 4th clinical practice in a place far from home where I didn't expect to earn anything from.
I met a total of 12 new people there. And maybe it was because we went through all the hardships, the exhaustion of the work, and all the things being far from home could ever give you together - we were so close. It felt so great being with them, sharing all the things with them, eating together and traveling together with them. I think it's amazing how we managed to eat every meal together from breakfast to dinner without actually living together and I'd say it was so heartwarming. The feeling of knowing someone would always have your back no matter what is amazing. We only had each other back then in a place too far from home that we had no choices but to take care of each other - it felt like a must thing to do at first, but then it became a habit when we got close, and I was glad it was them I was sharing all these with. I guess it was when I found out that a home could really be another person, and a thank you could never be enough to describe how thankful I was to have them by my side. But thank you, anyway. I love you guys, loads, and I really hope our paths will cross again in the near future.
And then, we parted way after the practice ended to begin the last clinical practice of our major. I moved to another part of the country with a new partner and we had quite a good time there. We actually barely talked when we were on the campus, but we talked a lot there and unexpectedly got along. There weren't any other students from other universiities so it was just the two of us. My partner didn't really give the feeling of home like those I found in my 4th practice, but still we took good care of each other and had loads of nice talks. I'd also say I appreciated all those things between us. Thanks for taking care of me and for staying with me and putting up with me. I wasn't a good kid sometimes, but you were so straightforward to tell me I wasn't acting nice and I really was grateful for that. Thank you for making me grow up a litlle and learning to be more mature. I am who I am today partly because of you, really.
After all the clinical practices which lasted for almost 8 months in total (yeah, indeed), I had to finish a final research project and have the final exams to graduate. Things passed in a blink of an eye, though, I took the exams 2 weeks after the practice ended and spent a week to finish the project. Then, did a presentation of the project. And that was how it ended. University ended just like that. After loads of classes, lots of clinical practices, final exams, and research project - it just simply ended like that. And I kinda feel empty of how it's so simple. You just take the exams and boom, you already graduated, you're no longer a student anymore.
It hit me hard how time flies and how all the things happened, ended, gone. After all the stressful times and mental breakdown, you just graduated to be an unemployed dude and not actually an awesome or successful person you thought you would be. You only know the basic things on your field of study, not a specific stuff of the field, and you also have no real experience of the job. You don't even know if you'd do good in your first job because it does feel like knowing nothing at all although you've learned all the basic things school could teach you.
I don't really dream to be big someday. I don't dream to be famous. I think I just want to be so good at my job or at the field I'm in. And yet somehow I think it might still be impossible to archieve that dream considering no experiences and so little knowledge I've learned from university. I know some people say you'll be good at it one day if you keep doing it, but I just wonder if that's really true. Before you do it, I don't know, maybe you have to know exactly how to do it and I wonder if I REALLY know how to do it. I don't feel like I'm that good. I'm not confident in starting a job and doing it all by myself without supervision. I feel like I need to learn more, to know more to the point I know everything about what I'm about to do so I wouldn't make a mistake.
I consider earning a master's degree so I'd learn more about stuff, but I don't even know if this is the right idea. I've too many interests that it's hard to just pick one and earn a degree on it. It's also sad when I realize it's impossible to do 2 things at the same time - I can't learn 2 different stuff and get a degree on both and I have to pick just one that feel right and that I can make a living on it.
So life is this hard. You have to take only one single way to live it. And I can't even make up my mind about it - I don't feel like I'm going to be brave enough to make a decision soon. People say sometimes you need to take time. I do take my time and still can't even sort things out. I'm taking a gap year yet I still don't know what to do next.
Graduation is, I'd say, kinda emptier than I expected. And I feel kinda lost.
Congratulations to me anyway. You finally make it until the very end through the ups and downs and yet you still survived and went through it safe and sound. You did great. Now you just need to brace yourself for the new path of the life and for what to come next.
Good job, Chin.
You did a great job.
I still remember the day I wrote a blog here saying I got accepted to my dream university, and that was exactly 4 years ago. It's like time has passed in a blink of an eye and then, BOOM! I already graduated from the university, earning a bachelor's degree with 2nd class honor. It was a tough ride of 4 year studying and slowly losing yourself and all the hopes, but when I take a look back now - it actually feels like the first day of this just happened a month ago. All the 4 year suffering (lmao) seems so short.
I learned a lot all these 4 years - about major stuff and the life. I think I lost some parts of my innocent self during these years and grew up a lot to be more mature, more reliable me. The responsibility as a student was hard. The lessons and practices were tough. There were too many to learn and yet they squeezed all the stuff in 4 years courses and it actually felt like dying. I made it through, anyway, with a lot of mental breakdown, but still, I made it. I'm not sure if I'm glad or not - but maybe life is supposed to be like this. You lose something to gain another thing. You suffer and break down and somehow feel lost that you have to find the anchor to hold onto so you'll be able to stand up again - even stronger this time. Maybe this is what a thing called a life is, but somehow I still feel a little lost. I don't even know why.
Almost 4 years ago, I wrote about the campus dorm and my roommates, about how I suffered to fit in the too tiny gap they left open for me, how I had to squeeze myself tight to fit in and still barely made it comfortable. I moved out of the campus dorm at the end of my freshman year, and got a new dorm near the campus, living alone. It was great. And I still hung out with my ex roommates (they moved out too and we lived in the same dorm). This time, it felt more comforatable being around them. Maybe it was because I finally got the private space I needed. Things went well through the sophomore year, I guess, and it started to break at the beginning of the junior year. I'm still not sure where we went wrong that we finally fell apart. It just happened out of nowhere, and at the point we noticed it, it was almost impossible to fix it. So we let it be.
It got to the point that there was no way for us to be the same in April 2020. We got into a fight, I guess. It wasn't really a fight, more like a fail attempt of trying to talk and sorting things out. It didn't go well, apparently. I'd say it was like those moment when you'd tried to bury all the thoughts and what you didn't like about each other in the deepest of your mind without saying them out, and then one day, it kinda exploded. We didn't normally talk about what had changed between us although we knew it'd slowly changed long ago. We didn't try to fix it and we pretended like everything was the same even when we knew they weren't. And when we finally talked about it, it already went beyond the limit and there was no going back. We tried to make up, anyway, saying to each other it was okay and that after the talk we'd be the same old peeps we used to be when we all knew it wouldn't. That was what happened during those online classes at home during the pandemic, and when we got back to school, we didn't really talk at all. I guess that was how all the 3 year friendship ended. We went back to be only classmates, not close friends.
And so the senior year was tough. I didn't know about them, but it was one of the hardest times of my life trying to gain control of myself and telling myself over and over again that it wasn't my fault we didn't make it together until graduation. It was no one's fault. We just didn't get along, and that was all. I found myself new people whom I perfectly got along with anyway, but that didn't really help getting me over the things I once had. It took months until I was really okay. I'd say I was glad I made it.
The classes on the campus were only 2 month long before they sent us off for clinical practices. So I didn't have to meet them again and I guessed it was better this way. We finally parted way and left all things behind as old friends. We didn't have to get so awkward being around each other in classes anymore.
And so the first period of clinical practices began. The practices were divided into 5 periods with each new place / hospital for each period and I got to meet a lot of new people from there. It was fun hanging around new friends, finally and completely being myself again after a long time. I spent the first 3 periods around my city and the later 2 in another parts of the country. All of these meant a lot - both as experiences in my field of practice and as a self development. I found a place I belonged in the 4th clinical practice in a place far from home where I didn't expect to earn anything from.
I met a total of 12 new people there. And maybe it was because we went through all the hardships, the exhaustion of the work, and all the things being far from home could ever give you together - we were so close. It felt so great being with them, sharing all the things with them, eating together and traveling together with them. I think it's amazing how we managed to eat every meal together from breakfast to dinner without actually living together and I'd say it was so heartwarming. The feeling of knowing someone would always have your back no matter what is amazing. We only had each other back then in a place too far from home that we had no choices but to take care of each other - it felt like a must thing to do at first, but then it became a habit when we got close, and I was glad it was them I was sharing all these with. I guess it was when I found out that a home could really be another person, and a thank you could never be enough to describe how thankful I was to have them by my side. But thank you, anyway. I love you guys, loads, and I really hope our paths will cross again in the near future.
And then, we parted way after the practice ended to begin the last clinical practice of our major. I moved to another part of the country with a new partner and we had quite a good time there. We actually barely talked when we were on the campus, but we talked a lot there and unexpectedly got along. There weren't any other students from other universiities so it was just the two of us. My partner didn't really give the feeling of home like those I found in my 4th practice, but still we took good care of each other and had loads of nice talks. I'd also say I appreciated all those things between us. Thanks for taking care of me and for staying with me and putting up with me. I wasn't a good kid sometimes, but you were so straightforward to tell me I wasn't acting nice and I really was grateful for that. Thank you for making me grow up a litlle and learning to be more mature. I am who I am today partly because of you, really.
After all the clinical practices which lasted for almost 8 months in total (yeah, indeed), I had to finish a final research project and have the final exams to graduate. Things passed in a blink of an eye, though, I took the exams 2 weeks after the practice ended and spent a week to finish the project. Then, did a presentation of the project. And that was how it ended. University ended just like that. After loads of classes, lots of clinical practices, final exams, and research project - it just simply ended like that. And I kinda feel empty of how it's so simple. You just take the exams and boom, you already graduated, you're no longer a student anymore.
It hit me hard how time flies and how all the things happened, ended, gone. After all the stressful times and mental breakdown, you just graduated to be an unemployed dude and not actually an awesome or successful person you thought you would be. You only know the basic things on your field of study, not a specific stuff of the field, and you also have no real experience of the job. You don't even know if you'd do good in your first job because it does feel like knowing nothing at all although you've learned all the basic things school could teach you.
I don't really dream to be big someday. I don't dream to be famous. I think I just want to be so good at my job or at the field I'm in. And yet somehow I think it might still be impossible to archieve that dream considering no experiences and so little knowledge I've learned from university. I know some people say you'll be good at it one day if you keep doing it, but I just wonder if that's really true. Before you do it, I don't know, maybe you have to know exactly how to do it and I wonder if I REALLY know how to do it. I don't feel like I'm that good. I'm not confident in starting a job and doing it all by myself without supervision. I feel like I need to learn more, to know more to the point I know everything about what I'm about to do so I wouldn't make a mistake.
I consider earning a master's degree so I'd learn more about stuff, but I don't even know if this is the right idea. I've too many interests that it's hard to just pick one and earn a degree on it. It's also sad when I realize it's impossible to do 2 things at the same time - I can't learn 2 different stuff and get a degree on both and I have to pick just one that feel right and that I can make a living on it.
So life is this hard. You have to take only one single way to live it. And I can't even make up my mind about it - I don't feel like I'm going to be brave enough to make a decision soon. People say sometimes you need to take time. I do take my time and still can't even sort things out. I'm taking a gap year yet I still don't know what to do next.
Graduation is, I'd say, kinda emptier than I expected. And I feel kinda lost.
Congratulations to me anyway. You finally make it until the very end through the ups and downs and yet you still survived and went through it safe and sound. You did great. Now you just need to brace yourself for the new path of the life and for what to come next.
Good job, Chin.
You did a great job.