(no subject)
i'm so annoyed with myself. i'm annoyed that i can't do anything right. i hate that i feel like i'm not good enough. i'm annoyed that i dropped all my classes. i'm annoyed that i can't deal with things well. i'm annoyed that every time i feel like i'm getting somewhere the world just falls through, and oh, look, i'm back where i started. i think i'm scared of success. sometimes i think i like being a fuck up. sometimes i think i like being depressed, because hey, i can't go any lower! or maybe i'm just scared that i'll fail so i don't try and say fuck it. i think that's it. so i fail by default.
i don't know what the fuck to do. i was doing what everyone tells me to do and it didn't work, so i stopped. it's hard to forget some things. and if you do end up forgetting these things, they're just going to come around and fuck you in the ass harder than they did to begin with. i'm annoyed that i'm so paranoid about everything.
I WISH THERE WAS ONE PERSON OUT THERE THAT I COULD TELL EVERYTHING TO. i wish i trusted someone that much. i want to tell someone about what an awful person i am without being judged. i wish i wasn't so judgmental about some things. it's hard not to be. i almost want someone to tell me how much i suck at life. maybe then i could get my act together and fix things. i almost want someone to hate every last inch of me. i'm kind of sick of everyone liking me. it gets old. but then that fear comes back if i know someone doesn't like me and i try to make them like me... it's this stupid endless circle of fear.
i just want to go home.
i don't know what the fuck to do. i was doing what everyone tells me to do and it didn't work, so i stopped. it's hard to forget some things. and if you do end up forgetting these things, they're just going to come around and fuck you in the ass harder than they did to begin with. i'm annoyed that i'm so paranoid about everything.
I WISH THERE WAS ONE PERSON OUT THERE THAT I COULD TELL EVERYTHING TO. i wish i trusted someone that much. i want to tell someone about what an awful person i am without being judged. i wish i wasn't so judgmental about some things. it's hard not to be. i almost want someone to tell me how much i suck at life. maybe then i could get my act together and fix things. i almost want someone to hate every last inch of me. i'm kind of sick of everyone liking me. it gets old. but then that fear comes back if i know someone doesn't like me and i try to make them like me... it's this stupid endless circle of fear.
i just want to go home.