The poet in me has returned to find a barren wasteland.
Since this is a journal and I'm supposed to update it and talk about myself and ... stuff.
How am I:
School is going well, family and friends are ok, work is ok. Nothing all that special.
How do I feel:
Absolutely awful beyond description.
I am unsatisfied with my life both current and past. I am constantly fighting myself mentally on a great number of topics from how I live my life to how I tie my shoes. I have no escapes, nor the free time for them. I have many friends, but none of them are close enough to be able to help me feel better, nor would I want to ask any of them to. I feel used by people (many people use me), I've "grown a pair" as Emily put it and started ignoring the jerks who try to use me and focus more on just helping my friends. I am becoming resentful of some of my choices in life that require impossible things in order to undo.
I have always been an introvert, that will never truly change.
Since establishing a social life I feel I've developed an odd attachment to it that has weakened my resolve to be strong. I've begun to need people, but it doesn't work.
I want a relationship. I can't have a relationship. I am constantly watching other peoples relationships succeed and fail and I try to do my best to help them, yet I am unable of having one of my own that works out. This is entirely my fault. I am also constantly hating the male urge to reproduce as it is irrelevant in my case.
Summary:
I need a me in my life.
How am I:
School is going well, family and friends are ok, work is ok. Nothing all that special.
How do I feel:
Absolutely awful beyond description.
I am unsatisfied with my life both current and past. I am constantly fighting myself mentally on a great number of topics from how I live my life to how I tie my shoes. I have no escapes, nor the free time for them. I have many friends, but none of them are close enough to be able to help me feel better, nor would I want to ask any of them to. I feel used by people (many people use me), I've "grown a pair" as Emily put it and started ignoring the jerks who try to use me and focus more on just helping my friends. I am becoming resentful of some of my choices in life that require impossible things in order to undo.
I have always been an introvert, that will never truly change.
Since establishing a social life I feel I've developed an odd attachment to it that has weakened my resolve to be strong. I've begun to need people, but it doesn't work.
I want a relationship. I can't have a relationship. I am constantly watching other peoples relationships succeed and fail and I try to do my best to help them, yet I am unable of having one of my own that works out. This is entirely my fault. I am also constantly hating the male urge to reproduce as it is irrelevant in my case.
Summary:
I need a me in my life.