For muses_w_remotes - 10.10 Man Who Sued God quote
"Oh yes, it's been a brilliant day all round. Why don't you have a look at my prostate while you've got the bone nibblers handy."
| Man Who Sued God
[Co-written with pullmysteth | Follows THIS, THIS and THIS]
Riley felt his way blindly down the stairs of the house, his eyes closed against the bright lights. He cracked one eye open just a little to make sure he was at the bottom of the stairs and then clamped them shut again. "Oh... god..." he groaned, arm out to reach for the wall across from him. He walked slowly and stiffly up the hall towards the kitchen, feeling his way so he wouldn't have to use his eyes or his aching head. He bumped into a wall unit he so did not remember owning and cursed when a bolt of pain shot through his big toe. He couldn't even remember the last time he was this hungover. Beer did it to him every time.
Evie rushed out of the kitchen, a piece of toast clamped between her teeth so she could get her hands on Riley and guide him safely. When she had him sitting down, she took the toast out of her mouth and looked down at his toe. "You okay there, sexy? You and Tab really know how to make a night of it, don't you?"
Riley slowly put his hand up to his pounding head. "I... don't remember," he admitted with a sheepish groan. "I don't even know what time it is. Thank god it's my day off. God help me if they call me in. There has to be a better form of blowing off steam." He made a soft moaning sound. His eyes felt like they were full of sand and his head felt like it had been slammed into a large brick wall. "I'm never drinking again."
Evie gently shifted him so that Riley's head could rest against the table. She pressed a kiss to his temple and stroked her hand up and down his back. "Somehow I don't think you'll keep that promise, but I admire you for making it. You look like total shit, so if anyone tries to call you in, I'll tell them to fuck off. Why did you even need to blow off steam? I didn't even get to ask before I got this message from Luke telling me not to come home so you and your sister could be alone."
Riley clamped his mouth shut as he fought another urge to hurl. He swallowed and wet his lips, opening his bloodshot eyes just a little so he could see her. "My Dad," he told her. "My Dad happened. Right on my doorstep."
"Fuck..." Evie moved away long enough to get a mixing bowl out of the cupboard for Riley to hold if he did want to puke. She touched her fingers to his hair, gently combing them through his curls. "Are you okay? Is Tab okay? Do I need to kill anyone?"
Riley tucked his hand safely around the mixing bowl. "He left my Mum. Like, really left her. He's filing for divorce. I don't think Tab and I really knew how to take it. I know I didn't know whether to be angry or relieved or hurt or pissed off that he didn't do it sooner. He got me right after my shift and I was knackered. He didn't stay long. Told me to call him after I processed it all or something. Getting drunk seemed like a good idea at the time. Tab was just mostly pissed off at Mum because she had spoken to her on the phone."
Evie sat down on the chair beside Riley, her toast forgotten as she focused on her fiance. "Oh, sweetheart... Can't say I blame you for getting drunk. That's quite the mental mind fuck. From what I know from both of you your mother leaves a lot to be desired, and your father never seemed to be able to stand up against her..." Evie wrapped her arms around Riley's shoulders and kissed his cheek. "It also seems as if your father's done something rather huge for both of you."
"Yeah, I know. And at the time I told him it would be alright. I was just so damn angry," Riley told her, rubbing his eyes slowly. "Angry at what he missed, angry that he waited so long to do something, angry that I had to try and fill in all the gaps. Angry that I haven't had my Dad to go to for years. But I was tired and resolute, I suppose is the word. It was like I had a sense of 'I'll believe it when I see it'. It's just been Tab and me for so long, we just looked after each other because we knew we were going to get very little from our folks. But I remember pieces of him being great and caring. I just didn't know what to think. I don't even know if I could be close to him if I tried."
"It's never going to happen instantly," Evie replied quietly. "I've had my Dad my whole life, and we're not really close still. He's trying to change, but it just takes time. When you get cut like this, and damaged like this, nothing is ever going to take it away instantly. You don't need to suddenly be able to deal with it all. You just need to deal with a little bit at a time, and he has to understand that, too. He has missed a lot, and he can't just expect to come in and know what the hell's going on. You and Tab are just going to have to take baby steps with this."
Riley closed his eyes again, trying to get them to stop stinging. "Yeah, but the thing is, I asked him to do this. Or told him, more or less. When I saw him in New York and confronted him, I told him I was done with our Mum's shit and I would only have anything more to do with him if he left her. But I was angry then, too. And it wasn't that long after my diagnosis. I was just over it. She was favouring the notion that I was HIV from a shared needle and hence a druggie. I was sick because I was a druggie, not vice versa, as it may be. If I had to be totally honest though, I've always wanted my Dad around. Some of my earliest memories are sitting on his lap or playing cricket in the yard with him."
Evie smiled as she brushed kisses against the back of his neck, and worked her fingers through his curls. "I would love for you to have your father, Riley. It would make me happy seeing you happy and with a proper father in your life, but you can't rush it. I don't see anything wrong with the ultimatum you gave him, but you still have to get to know each other again. It's like seeing someone after they've been away for years. I don't know that you had the awkwardness with Tab, but it happens. You don't see anyone for a long time and sometimes it's like you were never apart, and other times it's like you have to get to know them all over again. Your father might fall into the latter. Maybe you can't sit in his lap anymore, but you can hug him. You can talk to him."
Riley shook his head. "Tab and I were never awkward. We were... always were... really close. No matter what." He smirked a little. "I'd probably break his lap. I got my height from my Granddad, not my Dad. I'm just... I'm really scared he's going to hate me now."
Evie frowned, and dropped her head to look at his face. "Why would you think he's going to hate you? You're one of the best men I've ever known. The best man."
"Because he doesn't know me. I might not be what he expected me to be when I was a kid. I might be nothing like he thinks I am." Riley rubbed his forehead with his fingers. "Plus the whole HIV thing... I'm really not the person I used to be. I know that changed me a lot. I realised that abruptly yesterday when I was blurting out to him that I was petrified of the ER and might not go back to Emergency Medicine. It's the first time I've said that out loud."
She licked her lips and caught his hand in hers so she could pull it away from his face as she rest her head on the table next to Riley's and looked at him. "Listen to me, Riley Browne. I've known you since the needlestick, and let me tell you something... you're an amazing guy. I don't tell you that because I have to as your fiancee. I don't tell you that because I love you. I tell you that because it's true. You have so many people around you willing to give you their fucking organs if you told them it would help. Your dad will love you, and he will be proud of you. And if he isn't, then it's his fucking loss. Not yours."
"I told him... about us. Briefly, anyway. He was... he apologised," Riley murmured and shook his head. "The look in his eyes. I just felt guilty I hadn't maybe tried harder to be a better son."
Evie caressed his cheek and pressed her lips together in a gesture that was meant to be a shrug. "Apologised why? Is there something wrong with me? Don't beat yourself up. It was his place to be the father and he failed."
"No, see, that's what Tab asked, too. It wasn't that. I think he was apologising for missing it. For not being there to experience it. It was that, or he was apologising for a lot more. I'm just scared of being disappointed by him again," Riley sighed. He turned his head a little and pressed his temple against the cool surface of the table. "My head feels like my stomach. One big sloshy ball of mess."
Evie traced her finger around the shell of his ear. "Anything I can do?"
"Just staying here would be nice," Riley murmured, closing his eyes again. "With my Dad, I don't really know what the next step is. I have a feeling Tab and I spoke a lot about it last night and probably quite colourfully, but I can't really remember much of what we said."
Evie laughed quietly and kissed Riley's shoulder as she sat up again so she could rub her hand against his back and she could start eating her toast again. "Knowing you two, I'm sure you did come up with multiple schemes. I'm sure once you've recovered you'll think of them again. Although you'll be lucky to see Tab at all today. I think she's locked up with Luke lamenting her existence if the moaning was anything to go by."
"I don't even know what time it is. Or what I came downstairs for," Riley admitted, scrunching his nose up. Even that hurt his head. "Oh, and we're babysitting tonight. I think it's tonight, anyway. What day is it again? Is there no hope I can just forget my Dad even came and try not to think about it?"
"It's ten in the morning, and I don't know either, but I'll get you some water in a moment. I'll worry about ravaging you when you're feeling better." Evie patted his back. "And yes, there is hope. But the question is whether you'd be able to live with yourself if you did that past today."
Riley was silent for a few moments and then he moaned, turning his face back towards the table so his forehead and nose were squished against the surface. "It's not fair. Why do I have to be the one with a conscience?" he complained.
"Because you're amazing, just like I said," Evie told him, her tone unsympathetic. "Deal with it, sexy."
Riley's face remained squished into the table. Compared to his morning, this was actually quite comfortable. "While we're on the D&M thing... how would you feel if I stayed in the ICU permanently?" he asked her.
Evie's eyebrows went up. "I'd be happy so long as it's what you want. If you're comfortable there, you should stay."
"I was offered the permanent job. I just don't know if I want to take it. Everything with Chase was hard-going. But the ER... I don't know if I would ever trust any of the patients and how am I supposed to expect they trust me when I don't trust them?" Riley said quietly. He shifted in his seat to rub his stomach which was starting to get that upset churning feeling in it again.
"Then take the permanent position. You're right about the fear factor. You'll never survive the ER if you're scared of everyone." Evie got up to get Riley a glass of water and set it down in front of him. "Stop stressing about it all, Riley. You don't need to worry. I think it would be the right move."
Riley pulled the glass of water closer, just watching it at first. He was trying to decide it he wanted to brave putting anything in his mouth just yet. "I don' t know if I always like the ICU. My boss even fleetingtly suggested I think about Infectious Diseases, but it would probably be too close to home. I could always train in another speciality altogether. I like the ICU, it just lacks some passion I had in the ER. Plus, it would mean more nights."
Evie let out a sigh and rest her head in her hand as she stared out their kitchen window and considered Riley's predicament. "If you want to give ER another shot, then maybe you should. But you might have to give up a pretty good offer. Or you just stay with things as they are now and consider another specialty when you're ready. I really don't know what to tell you, sexy. I'll support you no matter you decide, you know that. Nothing has to be decided right now, does it?"
"No, I can have the time I need. That was part of the compensation settlement. The hospital had to re-employ me in a position I could cope with," Riley explained. "I just won't know what that is until I find it, I suppose. There hadn't ever been a needlestick injury at PPTH in the past that resulted in a HIV diagnosis. I made history..." He settled back down with his head on the table, falling silent. Why couldn't anything just be easy for once?
Evie Miller & Riley Browne
House, MD (OC)
Words: 2450
All muses referenced with permission
| Man Who Sued God
[Co-written with pullmysteth | Follows THIS, THIS and THIS]
Riley felt his way blindly down the stairs of the house, his eyes closed against the bright lights. He cracked one eye open just a little to make sure he was at the bottom of the stairs and then clamped them shut again. "Oh... god..." he groaned, arm out to reach for the wall across from him. He walked slowly and stiffly up the hall towards the kitchen, feeling his way so he wouldn't have to use his eyes or his aching head. He bumped into a wall unit he so did not remember owning and cursed when a bolt of pain shot through his big toe. He couldn't even remember the last time he was this hungover. Beer did it to him every time.
Evie rushed out of the kitchen, a piece of toast clamped between her teeth so she could get her hands on Riley and guide him safely. When she had him sitting down, she took the toast out of her mouth and looked down at his toe. "You okay there, sexy? You and Tab really know how to make a night of it, don't you?"
Riley slowly put his hand up to his pounding head. "I... don't remember," he admitted with a sheepish groan. "I don't even know what time it is. Thank god it's my day off. God help me if they call me in. There has to be a better form of blowing off steam." He made a soft moaning sound. His eyes felt like they were full of sand and his head felt like it had been slammed into a large brick wall. "I'm never drinking again."
Evie gently shifted him so that Riley's head could rest against the table. She pressed a kiss to his temple and stroked her hand up and down his back. "Somehow I don't think you'll keep that promise, but I admire you for making it. You look like total shit, so if anyone tries to call you in, I'll tell them to fuck off. Why did you even need to blow off steam? I didn't even get to ask before I got this message from Luke telling me not to come home so you and your sister could be alone."
Riley clamped his mouth shut as he fought another urge to hurl. He swallowed and wet his lips, opening his bloodshot eyes just a little so he could see her. "My Dad," he told her. "My Dad happened. Right on my doorstep."
"Fuck..." Evie moved away long enough to get a mixing bowl out of the cupboard for Riley to hold if he did want to puke. She touched her fingers to his hair, gently combing them through his curls. "Are you okay? Is Tab okay? Do I need to kill anyone?"
Riley tucked his hand safely around the mixing bowl. "He left my Mum. Like, really left her. He's filing for divorce. I don't think Tab and I really knew how to take it. I know I didn't know whether to be angry or relieved or hurt or pissed off that he didn't do it sooner. He got me right after my shift and I was knackered. He didn't stay long. Told me to call him after I processed it all or something. Getting drunk seemed like a good idea at the time. Tab was just mostly pissed off at Mum because she had spoken to her on the phone."
Evie sat down on the chair beside Riley, her toast forgotten as she focused on her fiance. "Oh, sweetheart... Can't say I blame you for getting drunk. That's quite the mental mind fuck. From what I know from both of you your mother leaves a lot to be desired, and your father never seemed to be able to stand up against her..." Evie wrapped her arms around Riley's shoulders and kissed his cheek. "It also seems as if your father's done something rather huge for both of you."
"Yeah, I know. And at the time I told him it would be alright. I was just so damn angry," Riley told her, rubbing his eyes slowly. "Angry at what he missed, angry that he waited so long to do something, angry that I had to try and fill in all the gaps. Angry that I haven't had my Dad to go to for years. But I was tired and resolute, I suppose is the word. It was like I had a sense of 'I'll believe it when I see it'. It's just been Tab and me for so long, we just looked after each other because we knew we were going to get very little from our folks. But I remember pieces of him being great and caring. I just didn't know what to think. I don't even know if I could be close to him if I tried."
"It's never going to happen instantly," Evie replied quietly. "I've had my Dad my whole life, and we're not really close still. He's trying to change, but it just takes time. When you get cut like this, and damaged like this, nothing is ever going to take it away instantly. You don't need to suddenly be able to deal with it all. You just need to deal with a little bit at a time, and he has to understand that, too. He has missed a lot, and he can't just expect to come in and know what the hell's going on. You and Tab are just going to have to take baby steps with this."
Riley closed his eyes again, trying to get them to stop stinging. "Yeah, but the thing is, I asked him to do this. Or told him, more or less. When I saw him in New York and confronted him, I told him I was done with our Mum's shit and I would only have anything more to do with him if he left her. But I was angry then, too. And it wasn't that long after my diagnosis. I was just over it. She was favouring the notion that I was HIV from a shared needle and hence a druggie. I was sick because I was a druggie, not vice versa, as it may be. If I had to be totally honest though, I've always wanted my Dad around. Some of my earliest memories are sitting on his lap or playing cricket in the yard with him."
Evie smiled as she brushed kisses against the back of his neck, and worked her fingers through his curls. "I would love for you to have your father, Riley. It would make me happy seeing you happy and with a proper father in your life, but you can't rush it. I don't see anything wrong with the ultimatum you gave him, but you still have to get to know each other again. It's like seeing someone after they've been away for years. I don't know that you had the awkwardness with Tab, but it happens. You don't see anyone for a long time and sometimes it's like you were never apart, and other times it's like you have to get to know them all over again. Your father might fall into the latter. Maybe you can't sit in his lap anymore, but you can hug him. You can talk to him."
Riley shook his head. "Tab and I were never awkward. We were... always were... really close. No matter what." He smirked a little. "I'd probably break his lap. I got my height from my Granddad, not my Dad. I'm just... I'm really scared he's going to hate me now."
Evie frowned, and dropped her head to look at his face. "Why would you think he's going to hate you? You're one of the best men I've ever known. The best man."
"Because he doesn't know me. I might not be what he expected me to be when I was a kid. I might be nothing like he thinks I am." Riley rubbed his forehead with his fingers. "Plus the whole HIV thing... I'm really not the person I used to be. I know that changed me a lot. I realised that abruptly yesterday when I was blurting out to him that I was petrified of the ER and might not go back to Emergency Medicine. It's the first time I've said that out loud."
She licked her lips and caught his hand in hers so she could pull it away from his face as she rest her head on the table next to Riley's and looked at him. "Listen to me, Riley Browne. I've known you since the needlestick, and let me tell you something... you're an amazing guy. I don't tell you that because I have to as your fiancee. I don't tell you that because I love you. I tell you that because it's true. You have so many people around you willing to give you their fucking organs if you told them it would help. Your dad will love you, and he will be proud of you. And if he isn't, then it's his fucking loss. Not yours."
"I told him... about us. Briefly, anyway. He was... he apologised," Riley murmured and shook his head. "The look in his eyes. I just felt guilty I hadn't maybe tried harder to be a better son."
Evie caressed his cheek and pressed her lips together in a gesture that was meant to be a shrug. "Apologised why? Is there something wrong with me? Don't beat yourself up. It was his place to be the father and he failed."
"No, see, that's what Tab asked, too. It wasn't that. I think he was apologising for missing it. For not being there to experience it. It was that, or he was apologising for a lot more. I'm just scared of being disappointed by him again," Riley sighed. He turned his head a little and pressed his temple against the cool surface of the table. "My head feels like my stomach. One big sloshy ball of mess."
Evie traced her finger around the shell of his ear. "Anything I can do?"
"Just staying here would be nice," Riley murmured, closing his eyes again. "With my Dad, I don't really know what the next step is. I have a feeling Tab and I spoke a lot about it last night and probably quite colourfully, but I can't really remember much of what we said."
Evie laughed quietly and kissed Riley's shoulder as she sat up again so she could rub her hand against his back and she could start eating her toast again. "Knowing you two, I'm sure you did come up with multiple schemes. I'm sure once you've recovered you'll think of them again. Although you'll be lucky to see Tab at all today. I think she's locked up with Luke lamenting her existence if the moaning was anything to go by."
"I don't even know what time it is. Or what I came downstairs for," Riley admitted, scrunching his nose up. Even that hurt his head. "Oh, and we're babysitting tonight. I think it's tonight, anyway. What day is it again? Is there no hope I can just forget my Dad even came and try not to think about it?"
"It's ten in the morning, and I don't know either, but I'll get you some water in a moment. I'll worry about ravaging you when you're feeling better." Evie patted his back. "And yes, there is hope. But the question is whether you'd be able to live with yourself if you did that past today."
Riley was silent for a few moments and then he moaned, turning his face back towards the table so his forehead and nose were squished against the surface. "It's not fair. Why do I have to be the one with a conscience?" he complained.
"Because you're amazing, just like I said," Evie told him, her tone unsympathetic. "Deal with it, sexy."
Riley's face remained squished into the table. Compared to his morning, this was actually quite comfortable. "While we're on the D&M thing... how would you feel if I stayed in the ICU permanently?" he asked her.
Evie's eyebrows went up. "I'd be happy so long as it's what you want. If you're comfortable there, you should stay."
"I was offered the permanent job. I just don't know if I want to take it. Everything with Chase was hard-going. But the ER... I don't know if I would ever trust any of the patients and how am I supposed to expect they trust me when I don't trust them?" Riley said quietly. He shifted in his seat to rub his stomach which was starting to get that upset churning feeling in it again.
"Then take the permanent position. You're right about the fear factor. You'll never survive the ER if you're scared of everyone." Evie got up to get Riley a glass of water and set it down in front of him. "Stop stressing about it all, Riley. You don't need to worry. I think it would be the right move."
Riley pulled the glass of water closer, just watching it at first. He was trying to decide it he wanted to brave putting anything in his mouth just yet. "I don' t know if I always like the ICU. My boss even fleetingtly suggested I think about Infectious Diseases, but it would probably be too close to home. I could always train in another speciality altogether. I like the ICU, it just lacks some passion I had in the ER. Plus, it would mean more nights."
Evie let out a sigh and rest her head in her hand as she stared out their kitchen window and considered Riley's predicament. "If you want to give ER another shot, then maybe you should. But you might have to give up a pretty good offer. Or you just stay with things as they are now and consider another specialty when you're ready. I really don't know what to tell you, sexy. I'll support you no matter you decide, you know that. Nothing has to be decided right now, does it?"
"No, I can have the time I need. That was part of the compensation settlement. The hospital had to re-employ me in a position I could cope with," Riley explained. "I just won't know what that is until I find it, I suppose. There hadn't ever been a needlestick injury at PPTH in the past that resulted in a HIV diagnosis. I made history..." He settled back down with his head on the table, falling silent. Why couldn't anything just be easy for once?
Evie Miller & Riley Browne
House, MD (OC)
Words: 2450
All muses referenced with permission