Does it hurt when you think about me and how broken my heart is????
I'm pretty sure I'm losing my mind.. I don't know what to feel anymore. My brain and heart are at constant battle, heart misses you, brain is mad as hell. My emotions are a roller coaster, I'm calm and fine outside but my insides are at war. My stomach is constantly twisted and tied into knots, I can't shake this feeling. I fucking hate it. The anxiety went away for a while, now it's back again. Everyone around me is telling me to just let go and move on.. easier said than done. I wish it was that easy. I can't bring myself to it, I've tried, tried and tried. Your still the person I think about every night before I go to sleep, If I'm lucky I won't dream about you. I'm in a shitty mood all day when I do. I don't understand why I still care.. I'm soo fucking mad. I don't wanna care anymore, I don't wanna miss you anymore , everything. YOU WERE MY BEST FRIEND AND YOU THREW ME AWAY LIKE I NEVER MEANT A DAMN THING TO YOU!!!!! How do you do that to someone? I lost my best friend... You were everything to me and you knew that. I thought I meant more to you than this. I feel like you don't even care, and your only keeping contact with me cuz I have all your pieces still. I feel like a whole part of me is missing now. I feel like everything you told me was a lie.. I feel like a fucking idiot for giving you all my trust only for you to break it like no one has ever in my whole life. Shattered the fuck out of it. I was just 'someone' to be there for you during all your bullshit. You didn't even wanna call me your girlfriend. You hid our relationship or whatever it was from everyone. I was just 'some girl', another one of your stories for you to tell to your friends. When we hung out for the first time, you told me that 'when your with someone and only them.' You weren't a cheater... I have this feeling in my gut you're lying about that too. I hope she was worth losing me. If I ever see her I will rip her fucking throat out, she took the most important thing away from me. I'm so angry all the time. Brimming with HATEEEE. If I was as important as you said I was and all that other shit you fed me was true, I wouldn't spend every fucking night I come home and get as fucked up as possible so I can forget for a little while... and I'd be in your arms instead. I meant nothing, just admit it. 'When we first met I guess we needed each other.. but now... I don't need you.' REALLY? When you said that I should've gotten up and left.. you don't need me anymore????? I didn't know that's how friendships and shit work.. you only be friends with someone you need. FUCK YOU YO, YOU USED ME LIKE A FUCKING SAP. And the sad part is you knew how I felt about you. You knew I loved you, I wanted to be with you, apparently you didn't feel the same, and you just kept it from me. I gave you everything I could, I don't think I could've done anything more right. We never fought, never got mad at each other. I thought you could've been the one for me. We were perfect for each other. Finishing each others sentences all the time. We had a an amazing connection, and then I don't know what happened. That WHORE came into your life and out I went. Like a piece of fucking garbage. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?? MEEE? I don't deserve this at all. You told me that I was the best thing that happened to you... then 2 weeks later I'm not? How could you do this to me? I'm not telling you this to make you feel like shit. I'm doing this to move forward with my life, I need this off my chest and you're not there to listen to this. Like you'd care anyway. Everyday that passes a little more anger builds up, and the more I work towards removing you from my life....