C'mon kids, it's Smack-sense-into-Sarah Day!!!!
Gah.
I don't know what to do. I don't want to let myself start to fall again.
The guy that I spent so much time with earlier this year--the guy who I later called an asshole for being a normal teenager--is the very guy I'm starting to have feelings for again.
Is it bad that I don't want this? I let myself do this once, and I got let down. And it's not his fault--he was being a normal teenager. Teenagers get crushes. It happens. I kinda feel like I set myself up to get crushed though. And I don't want that to happen again.
Is that the reason why this happens? I fail once. I get discouraged, and though I want to get up, dust myself off, and try again, I don't let myself.
I've built this wall, and I want it to come down, but then again, I don't. The wall prevents me from doing stuff that I want to, but it's that very wall that protects me and keeps me from getting hurt. The wall is all I know, all I have. I can't destroy it, but it's holding me back from potential happiness.
It makes me question myself. How can you have polar opposites in one person? I am so outgoing and outspoken, but I'm also very quiet, reserved. How can that be? Shouldn't it be one or the other?
Should I just put this out of my brain to prevent further confusion? Or would that be considered cowardice and refusal to face things head on?
I don't know...
I do know that I need to find a guitarist...I'm starting to go insane without the band to keep me preoccupied.
I don't know what to do. I don't want to let myself start to fall again.
The guy that I spent so much time with earlier this year--the guy who I later called an asshole for being a normal teenager--is the very guy I'm starting to have feelings for again.
Is it bad that I don't want this? I let myself do this once, and I got let down. And it's not his fault--he was being a normal teenager. Teenagers get crushes. It happens. I kinda feel like I set myself up to get crushed though. And I don't want that to happen again.
Is that the reason why this happens? I fail once. I get discouraged, and though I want to get up, dust myself off, and try again, I don't let myself.
I've built this wall, and I want it to come down, but then again, I don't. The wall prevents me from doing stuff that I want to, but it's that very wall that protects me and keeps me from getting hurt. The wall is all I know, all I have. I can't destroy it, but it's holding me back from potential happiness.
It makes me question myself. How can you have polar opposites in one person? I am so outgoing and outspoken, but I'm also very quiet, reserved. How can that be? Shouldn't it be one or the other?
Should I just put this out of my brain to prevent further confusion? Or would that be considered cowardice and refusal to face things head on?
I don't know...
I do know that I need to find a guitarist...I'm starting to go insane without the band to keep me preoccupied.