Life Totally Sucks

[immortalprince]

YOu know what, Sex is nice...no very nice, but life completely sucks just now. MY Grandpa went into surgery today and was supposed to have a quadruple bypass done on his heart. Well they ended up doing 6 bypasses instead of just four. And it took 9 pieces of surgical wire to re-close his chest cavity. But that's no big deal really, actually I'm quite relieved that he came out ok from the surgery. BUt two hours after I get home from spending ALL DAY at St. Joseph's hospital I get a call from my ex-fiancee telling me that my adopted father died on Friday. Well....that wasn't exactly any sort of news I needed....no not at all. Especially since I broke down and had a mental melt-down at the boyfriends house.......which I think kind of set him off nerves. So now I'm sitting here updating my journal and feeling absolutely miserable,and trying not to cry. And the plan initially was to get exceptionally drunk tonight, but I don't think that's gonna happen for me...because I like to be happy when I drink and that isn't really the way I'm feeling at the moment. I'm actually quite depressed and Raven+Depressed+Alcohol+Mixed Company = Trouble + Violent Raven. And I really wouldn't want that. I've had about half a Guenis beer and a car bomb and I feel a little fluffy and that feels ok, but I really don't like getting drunk...because I hate being violent....or extremely emotional which will probably happen if I drink too much more. And this whole thing with Spark is weighing me down too. I feel as if I've lost a very dear friend there, and all because I wanted to save her life. DId I do the right thing? Or didn't I? I dunno....I'm just so confused about everything right now. I don't even know if I'm ever gonna make it to JErsey with the way things are going. *Le sigh* I just don't know what to do anymore... I dunno If I can handle much more of the bad shit. In the last four years I've lost two good friends to father death, one of whom I looked up to as a father, I almost lost my grandpa and my best friend. One to heart attack the other to drugs. I lost my job, got kicked out of school and quite possibly might be homeless soon. So ya....not much to be optimistic about is there? SOmeone save me........

I wish that life was a bunny rabbit, so I could love it, and stab it, and murder it, and chop it into little itty bitty bite size bunny pieces.