Willing to pay someone to figure out my life
I have no idea where my life is heading or how the hell I am ever going to make it. I don't know if I am going to be any good at the thing I have just spent 3 1/2 years in college to do. I don't know if I will ever actually get married since now Doug and I aren't doing as well as we'd hoped. I never get to see him, spend any time, or even talk to him on the phone for more than 10 min a day. I am so stressed out over life and bills and the one person to whom I could talk about all this with last year is 4 hours away, not across the hall. I miss you bunches ANNA... I need a hot chocolate night and there is noone here to do it with. I really don't think he and I are going to make it much longer because I really cannot be there for him and likewise. This is very hard with him working all night shifts in VA and me being here. All we ever do anymore it seems is fight about time and money. We don't have any of either. I have been working my ass of lately to earn some money to pay the bills but it never seems to be enough. I am really beginning to wonder if prostitution is really as bad as it seems. I would be getting sex and money, neither of which I seem to be getting now. I really am beginning to wonder if I have any real friends here. I think I have a lot of superficial friends, or acquitances but no real true friends. Tina and Shawnee help out a lot when I am home, but here they really aren't much help at all. I just want to go somewhere to be alone but with someone. I know that doesn't make much sense, but Anna, I really felt that you were here for me no matter what and I miss you. I guess I just need to find someone who will be there for me day or nite. I really do love him but I think I am going to have to let him go no matter how much it may hurt me. He says there is something missing, and I don't know if I am able of filling that gap for him like he does for me. I really don't know what to do with my life anymore. Everytime, I think I have any part of it figured out and I am so excited with the results, I always have it all wrong. Seriously, if you have any ideas as to what I should be doing, let me know.
MannaRae
MannaRae