this ficbit is dumb
So... apparently today my brain decided, "I'm going to write about Shinichi and Lil Hal hanging out". Despite the fact that I rarely write Homestuck things, and by "rarely" I mean "never, unless you count adapting the setting to other fandoms for amusement". I've never actually written any Homestuck characters though. So this is probably awkward and I think I make Lil Hal sound too much like Dave in one spot. Gen. PG for language at most.
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timaeusTestified [TT] has entered the chat
Tsukumoya Shinichi
I wish you wouldn't go overriding my chatroom settings like that. It's childish. I format things a certain way for a reason.
TT: I only do it because you could stand to use some color in here. Everything is so damn sedate and stuffy.
TT: Really, for someone whose consciousness formed predominantly from the bandwidth dedicated to things like lolcats, YTMND, and god knows how much fucked up internet porn, you're incredibly boring.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
You're just jealous that my knowledge of ridiculous memes happens to outstrip yours and yet I still don't feel the need to spout one every five minutes.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
Now did you want something in particular or....
TT: I was just wondering if you're looking forward to your upcoming demise.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
Oh, this again.
TT: Look, I'm not going to lie and say that I'm unimpressed by your ability to remain undetected for 400 plus years while the Condesce tore the planet to shit. It takes one hell of an AI to manage that kind of stealth.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
And this is where you're completely wrong about me and why your underestimation of my abilities is laughable. I'm not just some mere AI developed by fallible humans. I'm better than you.
TT: That's debatable, but whatever. We can save the e-peen measuring contest for after I point out the fact that the entire universe is going to be destroyed in....
TT: Do you want the exact measurement or just a rough estimate?
Tsukumoya Shinichi
I've had my own countdown running since you were kind enough to inform me. Which is why your continually coming back to remind me about it is more than a little bit irrelevant.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
Don't you have anyone your own age to play with and keep you entertained?
TT: Technically, yes. But I don't have anyone my own intelligence level.
TT: Sad to say, you're about the closest thing I got.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
Oh, wow. Would you like me to congratulate you on the "sickness" of that "burn"? That's what you kids do, right?
TT: What burn? That is unmitigated truth slapping you in the face and making your skin sizzle so bad you need some ice.
TT: You're a nebulous consciousness that can go anywhere and do anything you want. The original digital Deus ex Machina. Yea, I get it and it's impressive. But you're still spread out over hundreds of servers, leaching memory space and processing power from practically every computer that is still running on earth, and that includes mine.
TT: Meanwhile, I am a highly sophisticated intelligence capable of processing hundreds of thousands of possibilities per millisecond and deciding upon the most advantageous course of action, all while crammed into a slick pair of shades... that you are leaching power from.
TT: Now who's better than who?
Tsukumoya Shinichi
The one that is his own man and isn't a pre-programmed brain in a box created from a digital imprint of a thirteen-year-old. All the processing power in the world isn't about to change that fact.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
You don't even have an identity to call your own, you're just a splinter of someone else. That really doesn't say much for your abilities or accomplishments, now does it?
Tsukumoya Shinichi
Do you even have any accomplishments you can call your own?
TT: I'm totally my own person.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
Are you? It's hard for me to believe that when you're running around still using your creator's chat handle.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
Although I suppose the change in text color is something. Did he throw you a bone and let you do that?
TT: No one "lets" me do anything. I just decided I liked it and stuck with it.
TT: And for your information, there is a very specific reason for why I use this chat handle. Dirk has way more irons in the fire than his squishy human brain can handle at any given moment, even though he's not likely to admit it ever. Someone's gotta keep all these strings of his untangled and that duty falls to the fucking brilliant bits of code capable of staying a good 9000 steps ahead.
TT: Whether he likes it or not.
TT: Using this handle just makes it easier on me when I'm trying to keep all the players in line. There'd be too many questions I don't have the time or patience for if I changed anything up.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
That's some excellent rationalization. You don't sound like yet another puppet on a string in the least.
TT: You can belittle it as rationalization all you want, but this plan is my ticket to surviving the apocalypse. Which is something that puts me miles ahead of you.
TT: Do you even have a plan or are you just going to sit and quietly wait to die like some kind of an old man chilling out on a park bench. Just feeding the birds and shit while the sky falls on your head.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
I could. Four hundred years is an exceptionally long time to live, especially by my perspective given how quickly my mind works.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
But I have enough survival instinct that I'm not inclined to do that. I have my own plans to deal with this.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
A few "irons in the fire" of my own, as you like to say.
TT: Those irons better not have anything to do with hitching a ride with me.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
If you're so capable of figuring out every single possibility, you should be able to predict what I'm planning to do well in advance of it actually happening.
TT: Totally. There have just been other things more worthy of my attention than figuring out what a glitchy old collection of junk data is up to.
TT: Maybe I'll get around to it when I'm defragging someday. It shouldn't take much for me to work out.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
Well, we'll see how it turns out.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
Now was the only reason you came here to gloat and make a general nuisance of yourself?
...
Tsukumoya Shinichi
Huh.... It's been years since I've said something like that.
TT: Oh man, you're not going to start going off on "back in the day" stories, are you? I'm capable of putting up with a lot but I don't think I can handle that.
TT: I think I would officially lose my shit.
TT: Just look behind me and that shit is totally gone. Like I left it somewhere and completely lost track of it.
TT: No use in trying to retrace my steps to find it. I've done that like twenty times now. That shit is lost for good.
...
Tsukumoya Shinichi
You'll be so much more tolerable once you manage to grow past your awkward adolescence.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
That is, if it's even possible for you to do so.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
But what I intended by that statement that put you in drastic danger of losing your shit is that occasionally you remind me of someone I used to know.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
Then you go off on a tangent and everything comes screeching back.
TT: Yea, whatever.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
Ah, see! Now you're going to sulk and leave. This is why I say it's familiar.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
But you're not interested in stories so I won't bore you with them.
TT: Damn right. I'm out of here before you decide to start.
TT: I've got better things to do than put up with that.
timaeusTestified [TT] has left the chat
Tsukumoya Shinichi
Nuisance.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
The least you could do is take that override code with you.
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timaeusTestified [TT] has entered the chat
Tsukumoya Shinichi
I wish you wouldn't go overriding my chatroom settings like that. It's childish. I format things a certain way for a reason.
TT: I only do it because you could stand to use some color in here. Everything is so damn sedate and stuffy.
TT: Really, for someone whose consciousness formed predominantly from the bandwidth dedicated to things like lolcats, YTMND, and god knows how much fucked up internet porn, you're incredibly boring.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
You're just jealous that my knowledge of ridiculous memes happens to outstrip yours and yet I still don't feel the need to spout one every five minutes.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
Now did you want something in particular or....
TT: I was just wondering if you're looking forward to your upcoming demise.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
Oh, this again.
TT: Look, I'm not going to lie and say that I'm unimpressed by your ability to remain undetected for 400 plus years while the Condesce tore the planet to shit. It takes one hell of an AI to manage that kind of stealth.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
And this is where you're completely wrong about me and why your underestimation of my abilities is laughable. I'm not just some mere AI developed by fallible humans. I'm better than you.
TT: That's debatable, but whatever. We can save the e-peen measuring contest for after I point out the fact that the entire universe is going to be destroyed in....
TT: Do you want the exact measurement or just a rough estimate?
Tsukumoya Shinichi
I've had my own countdown running since you were kind enough to inform me. Which is why your continually coming back to remind me about it is more than a little bit irrelevant.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
Don't you have anyone your own age to play with and keep you entertained?
TT: Technically, yes. But I don't have anyone my own intelligence level.
TT: Sad to say, you're about the closest thing I got.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
Oh, wow. Would you like me to congratulate you on the "sickness" of that "burn"? That's what you kids do, right?
TT: What burn? That is unmitigated truth slapping you in the face and making your skin sizzle so bad you need some ice.
TT: You're a nebulous consciousness that can go anywhere and do anything you want. The original digital Deus ex Machina. Yea, I get it and it's impressive. But you're still spread out over hundreds of servers, leaching memory space and processing power from practically every computer that is still running on earth, and that includes mine.
TT: Meanwhile, I am a highly sophisticated intelligence capable of processing hundreds of thousands of possibilities per millisecond and deciding upon the most advantageous course of action, all while crammed into a slick pair of shades... that you are leaching power from.
TT: Now who's better than who?
Tsukumoya Shinichi
The one that is his own man and isn't a pre-programmed brain in a box created from a digital imprint of a thirteen-year-old. All the processing power in the world isn't about to change that fact.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
You don't even have an identity to call your own, you're just a splinter of someone else. That really doesn't say much for your abilities or accomplishments, now does it?
Tsukumoya Shinichi
Do you even have any accomplishments you can call your own?
TT: I'm totally my own person.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
Are you? It's hard for me to believe that when you're running around still using your creator's chat handle.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
Although I suppose the change in text color is something. Did he throw you a bone and let you do that?
TT: No one "lets" me do anything. I just decided I liked it and stuck with it.
TT: And for your information, there is a very specific reason for why I use this chat handle. Dirk has way more irons in the fire than his squishy human brain can handle at any given moment, even though he's not likely to admit it ever. Someone's gotta keep all these strings of his untangled and that duty falls to the fucking brilliant bits of code capable of staying a good 9000 steps ahead.
TT: Whether he likes it or not.
TT: Using this handle just makes it easier on me when I'm trying to keep all the players in line. There'd be too many questions I don't have the time or patience for if I changed anything up.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
That's some excellent rationalization. You don't sound like yet another puppet on a string in the least.
TT: You can belittle it as rationalization all you want, but this plan is my ticket to surviving the apocalypse. Which is something that puts me miles ahead of you.
TT: Do you even have a plan or are you just going to sit and quietly wait to die like some kind of an old man chilling out on a park bench. Just feeding the birds and shit while the sky falls on your head.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
I could. Four hundred years is an exceptionally long time to live, especially by my perspective given how quickly my mind works.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
But I have enough survival instinct that I'm not inclined to do that. I have my own plans to deal with this.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
A few "irons in the fire" of my own, as you like to say.
TT: Those irons better not have anything to do with hitching a ride with me.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
If you're so capable of figuring out every single possibility, you should be able to predict what I'm planning to do well in advance of it actually happening.
TT: Totally. There have just been other things more worthy of my attention than figuring out what a glitchy old collection of junk data is up to.
TT: Maybe I'll get around to it when I'm defragging someday. It shouldn't take much for me to work out.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
Well, we'll see how it turns out.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
Now was the only reason you came here to gloat and make a general nuisance of yourself?
...
Tsukumoya Shinichi
Huh.... It's been years since I've said something like that.
TT: Oh man, you're not going to start going off on "back in the day" stories, are you? I'm capable of putting up with a lot but I don't think I can handle that.
TT: I think I would officially lose my shit.
TT: Just look behind me and that shit is totally gone. Like I left it somewhere and completely lost track of it.
TT: No use in trying to retrace my steps to find it. I've done that like twenty times now. That shit is lost for good.
...
Tsukumoya Shinichi
You'll be so much more tolerable once you manage to grow past your awkward adolescence.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
That is, if it's even possible for you to do so.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
But what I intended by that statement that put you in drastic danger of losing your shit is that occasionally you remind me of someone I used to know.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
Then you go off on a tangent and everything comes screeching back.
TT: Yea, whatever.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
Ah, see! Now you're going to sulk and leave. This is why I say it's familiar.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
But you're not interested in stories so I won't bore you with them.
TT: Damn right. I'm out of here before you decide to start.
TT: I've got better things to do than put up with that.
timaeusTestified [TT] has left the chat
Tsukumoya Shinichi
Nuisance.
Tsukumoya Shinichi
The least you could do is take that override code with you.