fic
Oh look. I wrote something for 31_days. Oh look, it involves Edward being an angstpit. XD
Title: Lying Awake
Day/Theme: October 4. Weeping a few litres of tears
Series: Tiger & Bunny
Characters/Pairings: Edward
Rating: PG
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There are nights when Edward wakes up with a start and a scream caught in the back of his throat. The sickly smell of fear-sweat clinging to him while his mind is a tangle of panic and blood and the sharp crack of a single gunshot ringing through his head. More thankful now than ever that he's been put in solitary since his escape and recapture. Being caught crying paints almost as big of a target on him as the simple fact that once upon a time he dreamed of becoming a hero did, and right now he can't stop the ragged little hiccupping sobs that keep trying to wrench their way free.
Alone there is no further risk of being beaten down for his weaknesses, for his dreams, for the man he wanted to become and never will. There is just him and the dark and his guilt gnawing a bloody hole through the centre of his chest while he fights down the urge to scream because if he starts he will never stop. Just like the tears never stop now when he wakes up shaking in the dead of night, his cheeks hot and wet while he struggles to breathe around the tangled mess of emotion that is threatening to strangle him.
After the sentencing, after his first night locked away and fighting tooth and nail to keep himself in one piece he never allowed himself to feel guilty. It was so much easier to blame (to hate) Ivan for everything and more importantly it gave him a focus. A way to bury the weakness that turned him into prey deep and soon enough it became the only thing he could allow himself to believe. Ivan was to blame. The source of all his problems. If Ivan had just done something, anything that woman wouldn't have died. Edward wouldn't be here. He'd be a Hero.
He can't do that anymore. His mind tangled up with thoughts of Ivan standing between him and a horrific death. Ivan who had blamed himself just as much as Edward did. Ivan offering to make amends and all he could do was turn away, unsure of how to feel anything but hate and anger anymore.
He can feel something else now, but he's not sure if he likes this much better. Wondering if Ivan has ever lain awake half the night, choking back guilty tears.
Title: Lying Awake
Day/Theme: October 4. Weeping a few litres of tears
Series: Tiger & Bunny
Characters/Pairings: Edward
Rating: PG
-------------------
There are nights when Edward wakes up with a start and a scream caught in the back of his throat. The sickly smell of fear-sweat clinging to him while his mind is a tangle of panic and blood and the sharp crack of a single gunshot ringing through his head. More thankful now than ever that he's been put in solitary since his escape and recapture. Being caught crying paints almost as big of a target on him as the simple fact that once upon a time he dreamed of becoming a hero did, and right now he can't stop the ragged little hiccupping sobs that keep trying to wrench their way free.
Alone there is no further risk of being beaten down for his weaknesses, for his dreams, for the man he wanted to become and never will. There is just him and the dark and his guilt gnawing a bloody hole through the centre of his chest while he fights down the urge to scream because if he starts he will never stop. Just like the tears never stop now when he wakes up shaking in the dead of night, his cheeks hot and wet while he struggles to breathe around the tangled mess of emotion that is threatening to strangle him.
After the sentencing, after his first night locked away and fighting tooth and nail to keep himself in one piece he never allowed himself to feel guilty. It was so much easier to blame (to hate) Ivan for everything and more importantly it gave him a focus. A way to bury the weakness that turned him into prey deep and soon enough it became the only thing he could allow himself to believe. Ivan was to blame. The source of all his problems. If Ivan had just done something, anything that woman wouldn't have died. Edward wouldn't be here. He'd be a Hero.
He can't do that anymore. His mind tangled up with thoughts of Ivan standing between him and a horrific death. Ivan who had blamed himself just as much as Edward did. Ivan offering to make amends and all he could do was turn away, unsure of how to feel anything but hate and anger anymore.
He can feel something else now, but he's not sure if he likes this much better. Wondering if Ivan has ever lain awake half the night, choking back guilty tears.