(no subject)
I miss my friends.
I'm sad that my life has gone by so rapidly in the past few years.
This has been the first few months in so long that I've been able to settle a lot, and I'm incredibly grateful because I'm incredibly in love with my life with my fiance.
I guess, just looking back, I'm sad that I hardly had time to spend being in love with all of my friends and spending all the time with them I wish I could've. I moved halfway through my senior year, when I was doing so well, when I had tons of friends and so much going for me, and for once in my life I was at least a little bit free. Its been a year since I graduated high school, and when I graduated, it was with a small handful of friends, in a place I didn't like, and knowing that in a few short months I would be on my way again.
And I went to usf and made some great friends, but in the midst of all of that, my relationship changed my life, and now I'm not going back to usf, but starting a life with him, and all of that makes me incredibly pleased, except that I don't really have any friends any more. All of my old friends were left behind and the few I made at college I never really solidified a relationship with and now I don't have anyone to just go running around with, being stupid, kicking animals.
Not having friends, combined with having to work and pay bills, is making me feel really old and lonely. I don't feel like a kid much any more. The only person that brings solid, consistent, daily joy to my life is James, but I know that I need friends other than him, because one person can't be expected to be every last thing for me.
Mostly, I just really, really miss some stuff. It went by too quickly. I left it all in the middle. I didn't even get to graduate with my best friends. I didn't get to finish my last play. I didn't get to go to all of Mr. Simon's stupid senior lunches and brunches and bullshit. I've taken none of that with me.
I'm really, really thankful that I got to see Deanna a few weeks ago. You've got no idea how much that meant to me, and I wish that we were closer, because it was so nice to have the old times back. I wouldn't have even needed my college friends there; we were the party.
God, I miss that. God, I'm sick of life passing me by.
I'm sad that my life has gone by so rapidly in the past few years.
This has been the first few months in so long that I've been able to settle a lot, and I'm incredibly grateful because I'm incredibly in love with my life with my fiance.
I guess, just looking back, I'm sad that I hardly had time to spend being in love with all of my friends and spending all the time with them I wish I could've. I moved halfway through my senior year, when I was doing so well, when I had tons of friends and so much going for me, and for once in my life I was at least a little bit free. Its been a year since I graduated high school, and when I graduated, it was with a small handful of friends, in a place I didn't like, and knowing that in a few short months I would be on my way again.
And I went to usf and made some great friends, but in the midst of all of that, my relationship changed my life, and now I'm not going back to usf, but starting a life with him, and all of that makes me incredibly pleased, except that I don't really have any friends any more. All of my old friends were left behind and the few I made at college I never really solidified a relationship with and now I don't have anyone to just go running around with, being stupid, kicking animals.
Not having friends, combined with having to work and pay bills, is making me feel really old and lonely. I don't feel like a kid much any more. The only person that brings solid, consistent, daily joy to my life is James, but I know that I need friends other than him, because one person can't be expected to be every last thing for me.
Mostly, I just really, really miss some stuff. It went by too quickly. I left it all in the middle. I didn't even get to graduate with my best friends. I didn't get to finish my last play. I didn't get to go to all of Mr. Simon's stupid senior lunches and brunches and bullshit. I've taken none of that with me.
I'm really, really thankful that I got to see Deanna a few weeks ago. You've got no idea how much that meant to me, and I wish that we were closer, because it was so nice to have the old times back. I wouldn't have even needed my college friends there; we were the party.
God, I miss that. God, I'm sick of life passing me by.