Restorative Creative Output
My apologies to anyone who reads this hoping to come across something insightful, witty or interesting. Today, I've decided to write for the purpose of creatively out-putting, and there's no guarantee that it'll be very creative at all. I think I'm getting rusty.
In my last post, I wrote about my non-contemplative job, and since then, I have freed myself from its bonds, so that now I find I have more opportunity for such things. (I'm super-relieved, by the way, not to be working there...)
In the last few months of my university career, I allowed myself to dream of all the things I would do when the bonds of papers and exams and tuition fees were no longer mine. I got really excited about resting from all the hard work that had gone into my degree, and in my head, I made long lists of all the hobbies I would take on, the trips I would go on and so forth.
But of course, reality often looks quite different from my imagination. In the months immediately following my graduation, I found myself working in a lab doing stuff that almost completely eradicated my desire to be out of school. I loved it so much that I found myself eager to be going back and continuing with my career, rather than taking a year of rest. The tides had turned, and once again, I found myself in anticipation of the future, rather than enjoying the moment before me.
Don't get me wrong; there are undoubtedly perks to being out of school. For example, I get paid regularly, and I can use that money for things like buying clothes and plane tickets - items that were only purchased out of the utmost necessity as a student. I still have a huge pile of books to read, but their subject matter is rich and varied, and I don't have to read anything I don't want to, when I don't want to. I've always wanted to do a triathlon, but that always seemed like something for the distant future. At the beginning of May, I completed my first triathlon. (Just a sprint, actually, but a triathlon nonetheless.)
Still, it would be very easy to feel stuck where I am now. I took a break from school to get some rest and go on some adventures. But the adventure I was planning remains elusively far away, and the break from school seems unnecessary. About that elusive adventure, I had initially planned to depart at the beginning of the year, and now it will be October at the earliest. If that doesn't lead to the feeling of "stuck"...
So the other day, I was either talking about or contemplating my year of rest. It turns out that while I'm not obliged to do anything other than find a way to support myself financially, my long list of things to do post-graduation is indeed too long. I don't have time for most of it. Which means that my year of rest frequently feels unrestful. So I renamed it.
I'm calling it my year of restoration. I've come home to pull all my skeletons out of the closet and bury them where they belong. I've come here to do an experiment - given no pressure to do anything, what will I do? How will I spend my time, when there are no deadlines or obligations to decide that for me? And, most importantly, who am I trying to please? Why is it that I allowed my university career to dictate so much of my life? And with that removed from the picture temporarily, what am I left with?
It's an exciting journey. Like I said, I have a huge stack of books to read on everything from bicycle repair to post-Communist Revolution Mennonites to Jane Austen. I'm currently reading two books simultaneously - a textbook on audiology and 'Musicophilia' by Oliver Sacks. I never used to allow myself to read multiple books at the same time. I'm speaking German once a week, and practising it with anything I can get my hands on. I trained for and ran a triathlon. And all of these things are fun.
At my new job, I'm learning about what I'm good at, and growing in all the areas I can. Turns out I'm naturally a workaholic who forgets to take breaks, and I have MAD SKILLS at making any computer do what I want it to (to a point...I'm currently stuck on a task that needs to take less time than it's taking...)
And then I have these friends. There's a lot of them, and I'm so busy being myself that I don't seem to have time for all the people who have blessed me. And they're spread out all over the world. But every once in a while, I get to hang out with a friend, on the phone, or in person, or by video chat on my new Macbook, and we get to talk about all of those skeletons. About what it's like to be human and to feel stressed and to enjoy the rain and the cherry blossoms.
So it's all very busy, but I'm being restored. Restoration, it turns out, is hard work. Most days, I think I'd prefer to be engaged in planning adventures or building my career. But that day hasn't come yet. In the meantime, life is full of all these pleasures. Inasmuch as I am able, I'm living in the moment.
In my last post, I wrote about my non-contemplative job, and since then, I have freed myself from its bonds, so that now I find I have more opportunity for such things. (I'm super-relieved, by the way, not to be working there...)
In the last few months of my university career, I allowed myself to dream of all the things I would do when the bonds of papers and exams and tuition fees were no longer mine. I got really excited about resting from all the hard work that had gone into my degree, and in my head, I made long lists of all the hobbies I would take on, the trips I would go on and so forth.
But of course, reality often looks quite different from my imagination. In the months immediately following my graduation, I found myself working in a lab doing stuff that almost completely eradicated my desire to be out of school. I loved it so much that I found myself eager to be going back and continuing with my career, rather than taking a year of rest. The tides had turned, and once again, I found myself in anticipation of the future, rather than enjoying the moment before me.
Don't get me wrong; there are undoubtedly perks to being out of school. For example, I get paid regularly, and I can use that money for things like buying clothes and plane tickets - items that were only purchased out of the utmost necessity as a student. I still have a huge pile of books to read, but their subject matter is rich and varied, and I don't have to read anything I don't want to, when I don't want to. I've always wanted to do a triathlon, but that always seemed like something for the distant future. At the beginning of May, I completed my first triathlon. (Just a sprint, actually, but a triathlon nonetheless.)
Still, it would be very easy to feel stuck where I am now. I took a break from school to get some rest and go on some adventures. But the adventure I was planning remains elusively far away, and the break from school seems unnecessary. About that elusive adventure, I had initially planned to depart at the beginning of the year, and now it will be October at the earliest. If that doesn't lead to the feeling of "stuck"...
So the other day, I was either talking about or contemplating my year of rest. It turns out that while I'm not obliged to do anything other than find a way to support myself financially, my long list of things to do post-graduation is indeed too long. I don't have time for most of it. Which means that my year of rest frequently feels unrestful. So I renamed it.
I'm calling it my year of restoration. I've come home to pull all my skeletons out of the closet and bury them where they belong. I've come here to do an experiment - given no pressure to do anything, what will I do? How will I spend my time, when there are no deadlines or obligations to decide that for me? And, most importantly, who am I trying to please? Why is it that I allowed my university career to dictate so much of my life? And with that removed from the picture temporarily, what am I left with?
It's an exciting journey. Like I said, I have a huge stack of books to read on everything from bicycle repair to post-Communist Revolution Mennonites to Jane Austen. I'm currently reading two books simultaneously - a textbook on audiology and 'Musicophilia' by Oliver Sacks. I never used to allow myself to read multiple books at the same time. I'm speaking German once a week, and practising it with anything I can get my hands on. I trained for and ran a triathlon. And all of these things are fun.
At my new job, I'm learning about what I'm good at, and growing in all the areas I can. Turns out I'm naturally a workaholic who forgets to take breaks, and I have MAD SKILLS at making any computer do what I want it to (to a point...I'm currently stuck on a task that needs to take less time than it's taking...)
And then I have these friends. There's a lot of them, and I'm so busy being myself that I don't seem to have time for all the people who have blessed me. And they're spread out all over the world. But every once in a while, I get to hang out with a friend, on the phone, or in person, or by video chat on my new Macbook, and we get to talk about all of those skeletons. About what it's like to be human and to feel stressed and to enjoy the rain and the cherry blossoms.
So it's all very busy, but I'm being restored. Restoration, it turns out, is hard work. Most days, I think I'd prefer to be engaged in planning adventures or building my career. But that day hasn't come yet. In the meantime, life is full of all these pleasures. Inasmuch as I am able, I'm living in the moment.